The Schoolhouse

[RomeoAGoGo]

*new revision (1/27/07)*


An old schoolhouse sits
abandoned in a prairie.
The painted sign above
the door is peeling.

Traveling down the dirt road
is a young girl. She stops.
A butterfly escapes her hands.
Its kaleidoscopic wings flap

beserk as it arches through
a cracked shutter. Only
scarecrows witness the embers
and hear the children's voices.

There are ashes
and scarecrows on the plain.
The butterfly floats away
to the hum of some crickets.

[wyverna]

I really like this, especially "it's kaleidoscope wings". However, it did seem to have a bit of an anti climax at the end. Seems a little like an extract, perhaps?

[RomeoAGoGo]

I really like this, especially "it's kaleidoscope wings". However, it did seem to have a bit of an anti climax at the end. Seems a little like an extract, perhaps?

The end is defintly lackluster. I wasn't sure how to finish it so I left it at that and see what people thought. Thanks for picking up on that.

[a speedo model]

Very good. I agree it seems to build up and then just suddenly end. But this is really good, nice work.

[fifpb99]

"A sign above the door reads :Old
School House."

This line stuck out when I read it for some reason... I have no idea why lol, but yeah. I really like this though like most of the stuff I've read of yours.

[OveriseFan]

I wrote a poem about this...

If I'm taking the same meaning from it as you're intending.

[RomeoAGoGo]

Completely revised. Added a few more lines to the end. Hope that's better now. Still thinking of ideas for the last stanza.

[OveriseFan]

Question: Is this about the Amish killings?

Because 1. It reminds me of something I wrote about them. 2. It reeks of... I don't want to say allusions because it's the wrong word, but symbolism that reflects those.

If it's not written about that, it's eerily parallel to me...

[RomeoAGoGo]

Question: Is this about the Amish killings?

Because 1. It reminds me of something I wrote about them. 2. It reeks of... I don't want to say allusions because it's the wrong word, but symbolism that reflects those.

If it's not written about that, it's eerily parallel to me...


Nope it's not. I was driving through this really nice, well off town the other day, and out of nowhere is this tiny schoolhouse in the middle of an empty field and I got inspired.

[RomeoAGoGo]

humpty bumpty

[OveriseFan]

I'm sorry, I enjoy this, but it's way too spooky how well it fits...

[iamreppard]

This is a really good poem. applaud yourself

[xChasingsafetyx]

Excellent work!

[RomeoAGoGo]

James, that's a really interesting connection you made. I remember hearing about that Amish thing and thinking wow, that's crazy, who the hell would do that?

and to everyone else who commented, thank you for your kind words.

[RomeoAGoGo]

revised.