girl, pick up your lipstick.

[Kanashii]

This may be a tad bit "emo" but ehh.. who cares? lol.

my baby is utsukushii
the rain is cold upon my face
she designed a picket fence

with a simple pencil strokethis isn't importantI can't say goodbyeI fell into a pit of summer stars
the raindrops fell like crystals
she built us a save haven

with a paint brush covered in heaventhis means the world to meand I can't say anythingit's time to kiss the sky, darling
strangle yourself with a seatbelt
love, love, love...
burning together in a car crash

singing the horizon to sleepthis is suicidewhen everybody is watchingnobody deserves friends if they lie
so, you cheated on me
but I could care less because
this is love, love, love...

give me a reason to tatter your heartthis is saturationof the beautiful mind

[wyverna]

That font colour hurts my eyes so I'm not even going to try to read that. It's way too bright for me.

[Kanashii]

Hmm. Okay lol.. what was the point of even replying then?

There, ya happy?

[agloriousruin]

I like it. A tad emo, yes, but, clearly, I am ok with that :-)

[black rose]

it seems all over the place.

[tinerlikespie]

heh heh "girl,pick up your lipstick"

[Kanashii]

it seems all over the place.

care to explain?

[black rose]

well the part
"with a paint brush covered in heaven
this means the world to me
and I can't say anything
it's time to kiss the sky, darling
strangle yourself with a seatbelt"
the beginning imagry is good, but the whole seatbelt thing threw it off.
i think it was misplaced very much.

[Kanashii]

well the part

"with a paint brush covered in heaven this means the world to me

and I can't say anything

it's time to kiss the sky, darling

strangle yourself with a seatbelt"

the beginning imagry is good, but the whole seatbelt thing threw it off.

i think it was misplaced very much.



Hmm, yeah.. alright.

[a speedo model]

It's all right, but yeah some of the imagery sort of threw it off a bit. But nice work, keep writing.

Also, please don't use fonts. They're hard to read and just annoying. Thank you.

[Kanashii]

^ Uh, I think I'll continue to use fonts.

And thank you for the feedback.

[theMATEOlife]

^ Uh, I think I'll continue to use fonts.

And thank you for the feedback.



they're hard to read and unnecessary. they do not make your work better. if something is hard to read, you'll find alot of people not reading it and/or criticizing just based on the fact that you have a stupid color/font.

[ArTkY_]

Originally, it struck me that you were an idiot because of the font, so don't use the fonts again.

As for the piece:

At the start, it seems to draw me in and interests me, but it becomes stagnant at some points. Also, your imagery is all over the place, as Josiah and black rose have already told you. You have potential though, I'll give you that.

Also, its not emo in the emotive hardcore sense of the word. Its emotional, but isn't all writing?

[OveriseFan]

Originally, it struck me that you were an idiot because of the font, so don't use the fonts again.

As for the piece:

At the start, it seems to draw me in and interests me, but it becomes stagnant at some points. Also, your imagery is all over the place, as Josiah and black rose have already told you. You have potential though, I'll give you that.

Also, its not emo in the emotive hardcore sense of the word. Its emotional, but isn't all writing?

They meant "pussy hXc pop"

I think...

Like... Hawthorne Heights or something? I dunno.

And by the way: Pussy hXc pop isn't a bad thing... I enjoy some of it (I got A Static Lullaby's new album... and I like it.)

[ArTkY_]

They meant "pussy hXc pop"

I think...

Like... Hawthorne Heights or something? I dunno.

And by the way: Pussy hXc pop isn't a bad thing... I enjoy some of it (I got A Static Lullaby's new album... and I like it.)
hahaha

Finally! Their first is better though.

[OveriseFan]

hahaha

Finally! Their first is better though.

Word.

[OveriseFan]

I dunno, I think Underoath's 'new sound' ripped on A Static Lullaby a lot... although I really like both bands.

[ArTkY_]

I dunno, I think Underoath's 'new sound' ripped on A Static Lullaby a lot... although I really like both bands.
ASL > Underoath

That will be my opinion, forever and always.