Pasted Paper Skies

[OveriseFan]

Nostalgia for the win! It's folky... I guess. I don't give two shits if you don't like the rhyming by the way: and if that's all you're going to say, don't bother. Yes, it's 'simple', but that's why it's great. The flow might seem iffy in places... maybe I missed a word or something? My bad.


I'm not sure why you're on my mind; I guess there's something to be said
For the girl who taught me how to love and how to lose my head
The only person I cried over although they were not dead...
Oh God I miss those summer nights with the black and auburn sky!
It reminded us of Halloween, though I can't remember why.
And you told me that you loved me so I told you that you lied...

But that's all right;
And I'm all right.
Don't be waiting up...
I'll be coming home late.

I can't remember why we went but we both stopped by the circus tent.
No we didn't see the show; We both made out 'just as friends'.
Your tongue was hot like a summer night spent without the sheets on.
It was a bed I hadn't slept on in weeks cause baby I am gone.
You said it was ironic, but I thought I missed the joke...
I must have missed something because I was in bed when we awoke.

But that's all right;
Yeah, we're all right.
We've been staying up...
I'll send you home late.

And later that same year or maybe the one just after
That's about the time we found Jimmy hanging from the rafters
While you were crying I said he was in a better place,
Like maybe a poker party where he always got the ace.
You told me to get a metal hat, and walk out in the rain
And baby I am glad you did, because when I did the same...

I was all right,
I said I'm all right...
And now I'm electric.
Now I'm electric.

[vandalsandquinn]

i like it

['hawk110G]

interesting...its definatly not the most vivid (don't think thats the word but couldn't come up with anything better) but it kind of made me smile, probably because i can relate to the 'story' in it pretty well. hmm. its good nonetheless

[OveriseFan]

interesting...its definatly not the most vivid (don't think thats the word but couldn't come up with anything better) but it kind of made me smile, probably because i can relate to the 'story' in it pretty well. hmm. its good nonetheless

It's not meant to be poetic.

It's story telling. It's like the Hold Steady and (some) Counting Crows. Very singer-songwriter-ish.

[OveriseFan]

i like it

Thank ye kindly.

[a speedo model]

I like this alot, James. Excellent work.

[OveriseFan]

I like this alot, James. Excellent work.

I spent like three days on this one, so thank you.

Really, I love all of you.

[lfdfforever]

this is really good

[ThexQuietxCull]

i really enjoyed the ending. very nice

[OveriseFan]

What makes this good?

I'm really curious...

Because I feel like nothing I write is good enough anymore.

Hell, even "Get Your Girl Out on the Dancefloor"(Which I thought was great) isn't as good as I thought... though that line kicks ass.

[a speedo model]

I love the tone, how the rhyme is simple and yet doesn't seem cliche. It seems to convey the meaning perfectly. I just got caught up in it, as I read it. Made me feel nostaglic.

[OveriseFan]

I love the tone, how the rhyme is simple and yet doesn't seem cliche. It seems to convey the meaning perfectly. I just got caught up in it, as I read it. Made me feel nostaglic.

Excellent.

You're the best<3

Although, it needs some touching up. (That whole last stanza is shit. Minus the lead up to the ending.)

[ArTkY_]

I told you what I thought of this and I stick by it.

[OveriseFan]

I told you what I thought of this and I stick by it.

That's cause you're a homosexual.

Just kidding, I probably agree with, and respect your opinion more than anyone elses.

No offense to the rest of you, you're all great too.

[wyverna]

I like this line;

Your tongue was hot like a summer night spent without the sheets on.
It was a bed I hadn't slept on in weeks cause baby I am gone.

But I don't like the use of 'baby' in songs.

[ArTkY_]

I just realized that the first verse was AAABBB. You made it work.

[OveriseFan]

I just realized that the first verse was AAABBB. You made it work.

Thank you, kind sir.

I didn't intend to do AAABBB when I started, it sort of... happened. Worked.

[iamreppard]

how is this going to be a song at all? i'd like to see you cram all those words in those verses into a song. there is something that must be concidered in song writing and that is melody...and for most good songs the melody comes first, not 1000 words to cram around a melody. at any rate, best of luck

[OveriseFan]

how is this going to be a song at all? i'd like to see you cram all those words in those verses into a song. there is something that must be concidered in song writing and that is melody...and for most good songs the melody comes first, not 1000 words to cram around a melody. at any rate, best of luck

What the hell is your problem?

Glad you're so talented that you understand that you capitalize the first word in a sentence, and can spell "considered" correctly.

Really, good job.

You're now put on my ignore list for being a douchebag.

In regards to your question: Did you ever think that maybe... just maybe... the verses are long? You can write a melody around a thousand words. It really doesn't matter. For the record: I always have a melody in mind when I write. It's how I write, even in terms of poetry.

[iamreppard]

What the hell is your problem?

Glad you're so talented that you understand that you capitalize the first word in a sentence, and can spell "considered" correctly.

Really, good job.

You're now put on my ignore list for being a douchebag.


You hand out criticism but can't take it in the least. Oh my god how will I ever sleep at night, i'm on this guys ignore list. :-0

[OveriseFan]

There's a difference between criticism, and blatant attacking (and all because I wasn't a fan of your one poem.)

[iamreppard]

There's a difference between criticism, and blatant attacking (and all because I wasn't a fan of your one poem.)

I wasn't attacking you. Believe it or not I have alot of experience when song writing is involved. Many of the users on this site probably listened to my old band and we had modest success with touring and recording. I was simply saying that songs written like this usually don't work because you have to force the words to much. If you are going to write words for a song their should at the very least be a melody in your head, even if it isn't the melody you are going to use. Poetry and lyrics are two different things. Lyrics are held together by structure. Poetry can be as free flow as you wish, hense they do not usually(and i say usually because their are some poets such as Jim Morrison who can actually make songs from their poetry) make good songs. As I said before, good luck

[OveriseFan]

I said: I always write with a melody in my head.

Regardless of whether it's lyrics or poetry.

(What was your old band, by the way?)

[iamreppard]

I said: I always write with a melody in my head.

Regardless of whether it's lyrics or poetry.

(What was your old band, by the way?)

I sang for this band called A Small Victory back in the day. You probably haven't heard of us

[OveriseFan]

I sang for this band called A Small Victory back in the day. You probably haven't heard of us

haha, I have, believe it or not.

I remember enjoying you guys.

You were really popular on this website back then...

[iamreppard]

haha, I have, believe it or not.

I remember enjoying you guys.

You were really popular on this website back then...


thanks bro...funny how things change huh?

[ArTkY_]

A Small Victory, eh? I believe I liked that band.

[OveriseFan]

A Small Victory, eh? I believe I liked that band.

You did.

They put out "El Camino"