couldn't think of a title

[ThexQuietxCull]

something i wrote for my studies in poetry class. based loosely on a pantoum, a French form of poetry. its most likely bad, but id thought id post it and hopefully get some kind of response back

Dreams like this don’t come true
We went together through the waters
Leading me into the uncharted
Entranced by your fluent moves

We went together through the pews
Standing there, in our flame
Entranced by your electric blues
I believed in the everlasting sky

Standing there, in our flame
An embrace that shatters
I believed in the infinite
Looking at you, finding myself

An embrace that shatters
Leading me into the desolate
Looking at myself, losing you
Dreams like this don’t come true

[fifpb99]

It's not bad -- for some reason the 3rd paragraph doesn't flow as well as the others but it may have been the way I read it.

[neverstore]

If you think this is "bad", I'd like to read something that you think is good. Because if this is bad... then good must be REALLY AWSOME!

[a speedo model]

I enjoyed it. I agree, third part doesn't flow well.

[liz123]

yeh seriously, i'd like to read something that you think is good, cause for me, this was good.

[RomeoAGoGo]

This is very good. You executed the pantoum structure well. Nice job.