My Family

[lfdfforever]

my mother read me a story everynight
to comfort my ears with the vibrations of her warm voice
the presence of her soul
lifted me into the air like a jet plane
flying to reach the stars
she may be gone
but to me, she'll always be right here

my father tried to teach me
so many lessons i needed to know
but i didn't know it back then
i told him i was grown up
i lied straight into his eyes
that mistake cost me more
money then in every bank in every town around here
it cost me a part of myself i was so afraid to lose

the brother i left behind
choose to put needles through his pale skin
the ease of a scared high set him free
i never saw it coming
untill he was all ready gone
he told me life was the worse thing to happen to him
and i helped him say those words

this is my fault
can we still be a family?
remember the songs we used to sing
and the lifes we used to live
how great was that?
remember the day i cut you off from me
i made you into something you could never be
if sorry had a stronger meaning
i would say it to you a thousands times

[a speedo model]

I liked this alot. I don't know, it seems to start off a bit slow. I love the first two lines and the rest isn't bad but something about the first verse doesn't seem to flow or something...

[lfdfforever]

I liked this alot. I don't know, it seems to start off a bit slow. I love the first two lines and the rest isn't bad but something about the first verse doesn't seem to flow or something... oh ok, thanks for liking it

[thecurerocks182]

Hmmm... I hope this poem is fictional or I truly empathize with you. I think as a whole the poem seems sincere, but ultimately feels rushed and contrived. It seems like you are trying to retain a naivety/childish feeling to it, perhaps written in the perspective of a young one, but this perspective seems to drag on with the only thing keeping it alive being the concept of the poem. Anyways, work on this because I think the concept is excellent and the writing just doesn't do it enough justice, which I know from previous works that you are capable of accomplishing.

[lfdfforever]

Hmmm... I hope this poem is fictional or I truly empathize with you. I think as a whole the poem seems sincere, but ultimately feels rushed and contrived. It seems like you are trying to retain a naivety/childish feeling to it, perhaps written in the perspective of a young one, but this perspective seems to drag on with the only thing keeping it alive being the concept of the poem. Anyways, work on this because I think the concept is excellent and the writing just doesn't do it enough justice, which I know from previous works that you are capable of accomplishing. ok, i'll work on it