Hey guys just wrote this song.....

[BuriedAlive]

i wrote it in like 10-15 minutes havent looked to make corrections yet. ya its kinda funny how all these songs go without getting a reply then 2-3 songs get all the posts

"1945"
Im the shadow when you walk
Im voice when you talk
you cant remove me
Im here for permanant damnation
to feel the sorrow on your lips
to gaze at the silhouette of your face
as we lay in this barrick without a name only called upon by a number
we are locked in the mainframe of the camp by these numbers
cant understand the torture we go through
the sun has taken its time to rest
the moon has begun his shift
and we gaze at the stars hoping, hoping we make it through
please dont let me down, dont let me down
we've pushed for tomorrow, waking in this dead heap
knowing we are just starting another day of work of hassle, of torture, of abuse
when will it end?
one leader, too much power, now we suffer
we jump outta the plane forget the parachute
we will learn to fly, fly away from this hell on earth,
as if life is just a short way of understanding who we are
we slave for hours, turn to nothing but skin and bones
can understand why we were chosen
as the day comes to its closure
we only hope we last till this is over
in our dreams we post this massacre
as the building go crashing down
we are free, no thats just a dream

[decisionpending]

that is really cool, it truly made think... 'tis my interpretation: i took it as a normal person, an innocent, who got blown apart by a bomb and this one normal, mundane person has suffered for something that he had no control over, that's just my interpretation but i really liked reading that

[BuriedAlive]

hey thanks man i didnt even think anyone was gonna read it. im glad you liked it.

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
i wrote it in like 10-15 minutes havent looked to make corrections yet. ya its kinda funny how all these songs go without getting a reply then 2-3 songs get all the posts

"1945"
Im the shadow when you walk
Im voice when you talk
you cant remove me
Im here for permanant damnation
to feel the sorrow on your lips
to gaze at the silhouette of your face
as we lay in this barrick without a name only called upon by a number
we are locked in the mainframe of the camp by these numbers
cant understand the torture we go through
the sun has taken its time to rest
the moon has begun his shift
and we gaze at the stars hoping, hoping we make it through
please dont let me down, dont let me down
we've pushed for tomorrow, waking in this dead heap
knowing we are just starting another day of work of hassle, of torture, of abuse
when will it end?
one leader, too much power, now we suffer
we jump outta the plane forget the parachute
we will learn to fly, fly away from this hell on earth,
as if life is just a short way of understanding who we are
we slave for hours, turn to nothing but skin and bones
can understand why we were chosen
as the day comes to its closure
we only hope we last till this is over
in our dreams we post this massacre
as the building go crashing down
we are free, no thats just a dream


holocaust. your song is beautiful. i think i'm gonna quote some of your lines in my sig..what's your name?

[BuriedAlive]

proeuthanasia, my name is Chris

[proeuthanasia]

hey chris, i'm jess. do you mind if i sig the lyrics?

[BuriedAlive]

nah i dont mind, go right ahead and use them, as long as you dont somehow turn them to a bad example or something like that

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
nah i dont mind, go right ahead and use them, as long as you dont somehow turn them to a bad example or something like that


haha, no problem, i wouldn't burn meaningful lyrics. you're pretty young though...i'm glad to see some kids from '88 can write.

[BuriedAlive]

is it bad to be young nowadays?? but anyway i really took a turn and started writing better (in my mind) after people made fun of my other stuff... i was pretty embarrassed to show them anyway... they were all about girls and it was dumb.. so i changed the scheme and hopefully now people like it

[proeuthanasia]

haha no.. the only thing better than being young is music. i'm only a year older than you, but where i live there seems to be such a huge gap between the maturity levels of freshmen and sophomores (well, sophomores and juniors now i guess) but anyway..yeah.. if your lyrics were bad before then congratulations on realizing it and changing whatever you changed, cuz they're definitely not bad now

[BuriedAlive]

thanks im glad people like my lyrics

[ILLTRIP]

that is realy good. actualy that is amazing. good structure, good meaning. one of the best i've seen on this site.

[BuriedAlive]

thanks man. im glad people like my songs as much as i do.

[GREENatarisDAY]

two words....fucking amazing

[BuriedAlive]

thanks. its suprising to me that peple could change my prespective on my song. i didnt think it was all that great but obviously you guys do. so thanks everyone who said good things about it.

[wewin]

Liked it!

Some stuff I liked a lot.

"as we lay in this barrick without a name only called upon by a number
we are locked in the mainframe of the camp by these numbers"
Liked the idea of a camp as a mainframe, storing people as data or numbers. However, "barrick" isn't a word; it's barracks, even in singular.

"the sun has taken its time to rest
the moon has begun his shift"
Loved the idea of the sun and moon taking shifts, like watchmen. It emphasizes the idea of being trapped and under guard in your song.

I think that this song is pretty damn good. The only suggestions I could make are:

The first part, the "I'm the shadow..." through "...to gaze at the silhouette of your face", what does it mean? It seems slightly detached from the rest of the song.

"One leader, too much power, now we suffer"
this line seems to be of a lower quality than the rest. Since it's titled "1945" we know that this is dealing with Nazis/Hitler/camps, that idea, so you don't need to point that out again. It just seems out of place, redundant, or rushed.



"in our dreams we post this massacre" What's that mean?
"as the building go crashing down
we are free, no thats just a dream" -- kind of a rushed feel to it. Also, AB style rhyme. I don't know if you wanted that, but since you illustrate the hopelessness, pointlessness, and despair of this situation so well in the rest of the song, ending it this way, with the "we are free, no wait, we're not" kind of line that you used just is unnecessary and makes the piece feel less well-planned.

I know you initially said that you wrote it quickly, and you don't have to take my suggestions or anything, but I'd like it if you could post the finished version when you do. I like this song a lot, and I'm interested to see what you can do with it when you put more time than just 10 or 15 minutes.

Sweet.

[BuriedAlive]

i didnt really know about the barracks thing i will update it.

and in the first part of the song that means thats hitler is like your shadow when you walk cuz he knows everything you do everywhere you go (if your a jewish person or of one of the other races he caught)
and the part about im the voice when you talk, that means that hitler pracitically did control what you said. if you said something that didnt agree with him then he would have you killed.
you cant remove me, well at the time when he was in power it did seem that you couldnt remove him.
Im here for permanant damnation, well he (hitler) sorta was he wanted germans to be the highest power.
to feel the sorrow on your lips, well this kinda describes that there is fear and sadness everywhere in the camp. (your right it doesnt really go with the song but i really like it)
to gaze at the silhouette of your face, that means that the outline is pretty much all you can see becuz they were so skinny thats really all they looked like.

also the part on one leader, too much power, now we suffer, i didnt think it was rushed i just think it was true.

and the part about we are free, no thats just a dream. that was just to say that they were never really free. even when they thought they were. i would try to fix it up.

if i didnt cover what you asked sorry.

[BuriedAlive]

no other suggestions?

[BuriedAlive]

bump

[BuriedAlive]

looking for some comments or suggestions

[blaarg]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
looking for some comments or suggestions
yea, i don't think there's much else to suggest, it's a great song.

[BuriedAlive]

thanks man.

[BuriedAlive]

bump

[BuriedAlive]

i still like reading this song.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Are there no fucking Thursday fans out there?!? Hoepfully people will read this post I am about to make because what you just loved is all a copy of the new Thursday song called "For the Workforce, Drowning". I will now show you this.



Originally posted by BuriedAlive

"1945"
Im the shadow when you walk

Im voice when you talk

you cant remove me

Im here for permanant damnation

to feel the sorrow on your lips

to gaze at the silhouette of your face - THE SILHOUETTE OF YOUR FACE BECOMES THE BLACK CLOUD OF WAR

as we lay in this barrick without a name only called upon by a number - WITHOUT A NAME JUST NUMBERS

we are locked in the mainframe of the camp by these numbers - WITHOUT A NAME JUST NUMBERS, ON THE RESUME STORED IN THE MAINFRAME

cant understand the torture we go through

the sun has taken its time to rest

the moon has begun his shift

and we gaze at the stars hoping, hoping we make it through

please dont let me down, dont let me down - PLEASE DON'T LET ME DROWN DONT LET ME DROWN

we've pushed for tomorrow, waking in this dead heap

knowing we are just starting another day of work of hassle, of - FALLING FROM THIS HASSLE

torture, of abuse

when will it end? - WHEN WILL IT END?

one leader, too much power, now we suffer

we jump outta the plane forget the parachute - FALLING FROM THIS HASSLE YOUR LIFE STILL LIKE PARACHUTES

we will learn to fly, fly away from this hell on earth,

as if life is just a short way of understanding who we are

we slave for hours, turn to nothing but skin and bones

can understand why we were chosen

as the day comes to its closure

we only hope we last till this is over

in our dreams we post this massacre - EVEN IN OUR DREAMS

as the building go crashing down - AND ALL THE MONUEMENTS AND SKYSCRAPERS BURNED DOWN

we are free, no thats just a dream


damm understand that then give ur opinion again...

[xxMichaelxx]

fucker! it is Thursday! how dare you! May the holy being that is Geoff damn you to the firey pits of Simple Plan and Avril Lavine!

[BuriedAlive]

actually guys this was written before anyone knew about for the workforce, drowning. so you cant say its a copy. i never heard the song before i wrote this. i didnt even know they had a song coming out about it. so i dont really see how it is a copy.

[xxMichaelxx]

im not attacking you personally buried alive, cause i like your lyrical styling, it just seems awful close to Thursday, thats all. I support you on the song you wrote about no god on the other post, not because of my religion, but i dont think its right to attack you simply because Thursday used the burning metaphor. Further Seems Forever and Finch also do to, and just because its cliched doesnt mean you stole it, so mad props for your lyrics.

[BuriedAlive]

thanks michael, but i mean i think thats bullshit that you guys are going to consider my song a blantant (i think thats how you spell it) copy of a thursday song when the song wasnt even possible to listen to or read the lyrics. i mean ya maybe if i just wrote the song now then i would agree but i dont because this song has been on these boards for a long time.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

B.S. you wrote the song a few days after the sing came out so the song was obviously a song you loved and you had to write like it. And the lyrics are up on the Thursday board and plyrics and any other decent lyric site. So stop lieing and stop stealing songs its not cool.

[BuriedAlive]

dude seriously how the hell would you know? this is one of my oldest song i have. i have been writing for almost a year. is it impossible to have same ideas without knowing it? i think so. dont be such a dick, the song is good (in my opinon) and dude its not a fucking copy it was done before the damn song. and i am getting defensive because all you say is that all my songs are copys of another kind of song. and i think you may be jealous cuz you cant write worth a shit.

[BuriedAlive]

ok im gonna apologize ahead of time. i didnt mean to go off on you isuckyoungblood. but it pisses me off that people are gonna call my songs copies of another song when its not. its my thoughts my feelings my heart that i poured into that song. for the workforce, drowning has a completely different meaning then the one i wrote. that song isnt about the holocaust mine is. please keep your shit straight and not just go off because you think you are right when you really arent.

[BuriedAlive]

another one of the many songs i have written.

[BuriedAlive]

heres my first holocaust song..

[saving face]

only just read your song, and to be honest i cant see what the fuss is about, i personally like the song, its got a theme which is frightening. not just because you are writing about what has happened and we had family who fought in the wars, and that people were castised ( i think thats the right word) just because of their creed. but for the fact that it could so easily happen again to us, it could be creeping up on us without us even realising it.

but as for the people who slam your song because it sounds like Thursday's For The Workforce Drowning need to grow up for attacking you because you wrote a song which sounds simliar and has a simliar theme to songs which have already been wrote. Lyricists will always get this grief due to the fact that Thursday are so legendary, they have such a brilliant front man and the difference between Full Collapse and War All The Time is amazing. The fact a band can mature so quickly is amazing, and because they have had such an impact on the music scene, people will ont be allowed to make music similar to theirs without being called Rip Offs.

Personally i think your song is cool, and props for you for maturing from just writing about girls to writing about other things which you are passionate.

[BuriedAlive]

thanks man.. im so glad you werent gonna slam me just like some others. and i also thank you for understanding the song as it is. it is a good song (not to sound big headed) i try to change up my main topics. and hopefully im doing a good job but thanks again.

[saving face]

i was just like you only writing songs about girls. simply because my music writing started from one poem I wrote for a girl to try and get her back. and it kinda spun from there, my first songs are so pop punk like NFG, dont get me wrong, i love NFG, theyre a cool summer band and their songs make you bob your head. but my songs now have a much varied aspect, theyre some about women, family, friends, work, war and death. i cant stand people when they slam someone for writing a song, i mean as long as that song has meaning to you, then excellent. it shows the passion you have for the music and youre not just writing it for someone else to like it. :grin:

[BuriedAlive]

thats so true. damn im glad someone finally agrees with me about this same topic.

[Mosh2Punk57]

Buried alive.....I just wanted to say that your song is really cool. for all those people who say your song is a copy or whatever need to just lay off. its hard to write songs and put down the way you feel on paper with out saying shit like other people say shit. sometimes people just say things exactly the way you feel. and i sometimes write lines from my favorite bands on accident just because im feeling the same things or i just cant get the damn song out of my head. all in all i think you wrote a great song and great minds think alike. so maybe writing lyrics close to your favorite bands is not such a bad thing jsut ignore the ignorant people. keep on writing!

[BuriedAlive]

thanks, i just wish my newer stuff was half as good as this one.

[BuriedAlive]

bump.

[failedbullets]

Alright I'll pick this up again.

Depending on where you live, there is a good possibility that you couldn't have heard Workforce before writing the song. I know I didn't hear it until October, and it was new to everyone around here too. So way to be, Alive (bad pun not intended).

I really like it. It is original, the Workforce song is about a completely different topic (big businesses abusing workers) so I applaud you there. I've never heard a holocaust song that actually felt like a holocaust song- however that feels. And the lyrics are strong and emotive and loaded-always good for songs. Keep writing cuz I like you're style.

[BuriedAlive]

Alright I'll pick this up again.

Depending on where you live, there is a good possibility that you couldn't have heard Workforce before writing the song. I know I didn't hear it until October, and it was new to everyone around here too. So way to be, Alive (bad pun not intended).

I really like it. It is original, the Workforce song is about a completely different topic (big businesses abusing workers) so I applaud you there. I've never heard a holocaust song that actually felt like a holocaust song- however that feels. And the lyrics are strong and emotive and loaded-always good for songs. Keep writing cuz I like you're style.
well, I'm glad someone understands what I've been saying instead of trying to call me a complete rip off. ha. man is used to be pathetic around here.