this buss

[Mando]

I thought I could predict you.
And predictions have come true.
I knew I never liked you.
It all has fallen apart.
I never needed you heart.
Because I never liked you.
Not even as a friend.
never a beginning but an end.
But I can't say I hate you.
And I swear if you wer'nt a girl.
I'd probably hit you.
these are just things I say.
I think about you everyday.
What the hell is the matter with you?
You just call me names.
I'll walk up to the park.
I'll do it in the dark.
So I'd never see you.
But if you want to cease this end
We can try this again,
You could be my friend.

[a speedo model]

This isn't good. The rhyming is way too forced and there isn't even a consistent rhyme pattern. Just cliche and forced. But keep writing.

[Mando]

wasn't forced.
shut up.
not cliche, you don't understand what it's about.

[Mando]

bitch.
you're just conforming to what others post.

[a speedo model]

hahahahahaha

I'm conforming to what other's post? Shut the fuck up, I tried to be nice and give you some help. and I was going to give you some pointers. But fuck you. This is TERRIBLE. Cliche as hell and fucking lame.

I have read a song like this every single day while being on this site by a different person. Usually with name like emoxxhardcorepanicfan. So shut up, there are 16 year olds on this site that write better lyrics. Fuck off.

[yourneck]

no way can this kid be real

[cris545]

take a step outside of mediocrity, kid. Short rhymes don't make a poem good, neither do overused simple words that lack any beauty whatsoever.

[thatwasamoment]

i thought it kinda sucked until i read your replies to the speedo model's constructive critism.

now i think it fucking blows, and you have not one ounce of talent in your little mind.

[a speedo model]

i thought it kinda sucked until i read your replies to the speedo model's constructive critism.

now i think it fucking blows, and you have not one ounce of talent in your little mind.
:appl:

[OveriseFan]

Basically: Josiah is the nicest, least blunt person here. If you don't like the way he'll go out trying to help you, then don't post here. Plain and simple.

If you're not looking for help to improve, leave.

[OveriseFan]

wasn't forced.
shut up.
not cliche, you don't understand what it's about.

Yes, yes, this is clearly very philisophical.

By 'forced' he meant the rhyming, because it sounds like a 5 year old.

[punkpixie]

well this fucking sucks.

(i missed having shit poetry around here to say this about. can you tell? haha)

[a speedo model]

Basically: Josiah is the nicest, least blunt person here. If you don't like the way he'll go out trying to help you, then don't post here. Plain and simple.

If you're not looking for help to improve, leave.
Thanks, James. :-)

[Mando]

You guys are idiots.
I see your comments on shitty poetry and you tell me mine is forced?
I know what the fuck forced means I'm not a tard.
And it's not cliche.
Only reason you think it's cliche is because a lot of people feel the same way.
Sorry next time i write something it will be about butt sex then you guys will like it.

[ArTkY_]

hahahahahahaha

Go kill yourself.

[a speedo model]

You guys are idiots.
I see your comments on shitty poetry and you tell me mine is forced?
I know what the fuck forced means I'm not a tard.
And it's not cliche.
Only reason you think it's cliche is because a lot of people feel the same way.
Sorry next time i write something it will be about butt sex then you guys will like it.
Why the hell did you even post it? If you refuse to listen to any criticism on it, what's the point?

[buysoap]

I enjoyed it. I see there are words, and I relate to that. And the rhyming of "you" and "true", "apart" and "heart", "friend" and "end," and "park" and "dark" in no way makes me think that this kid sat for a while to think about what two words he could rhyme. Also the lines, "And I swear if you wer'nt a girl/I'd probably hit you" are just so poignant and true to life.

Good job.

[ArTkY_]

I don't really consider this cliche, but it is boring and overdrawn. You basically rambled on one point for the entire piece. You also stated your points very bluntly, and frankly, it made it sound awful.

[Mando]

I enjoyed it. I see there are words, and I relate to that. And the rhyming of "you" and "true", "apart" and "heart", "friend" and "end," and "park" and "dark" in no way makes me think that this kid sat for a while to think about what two words he could rhyme. Also the lines, "And I swear if you wer'nt a girl/I'd probably hit you" are just so poignant and true to life.

Good job.


thank you.
I am aware that the rhyme scheme blows.
I'm working on it.
And speedo Model I am willing to take cristisism, but not phony criticism.

[lostfear]

Not willing to accept you're not the best writer you know?

[OveriseFan]

You guys are idiots.
I see your comments on shitty poetry and you tell me mine is forced?
I know what the fuck forced means I'm not a tard.
And it's not cliche.
Only reason you think it's cliche is because a lot of people feel the same way.
Sorry next time i write something it will be about butt sex then you guys will like it.

Yep. We love butt sex here.

[OveriseFan]

thank you.
I am aware that the rhyme scheme blows.
I'm working on it.
And speedo Model I am willing to take cristisism, but not phony criticism.

http://home.student.uu.se/hape2405/aabf18_sarcasm_detector.jpg

You realize everything Buysoap said was sarcastic, right? Or are you really that big an idiot?

[a speedo model]

thank you.
I am aware that the rhyme scheme blows.
I'm working on it.
And speedo Model I am willing to take cristisism, but not phony criticism.
Phony criticism? Get the fuck out of here.

[OveriseFan]

I enjoyed it. I see there are words, and I relate to that. And the rhyming of "you" and "true", "apart" and "heart", "friend" and "end," and "park" and "dark" in no way makes me think that this kid sat for a while to think about what two words he could rhyme. Also the lines, "And I swear if you wer'nt a girl/I'd probably hit you" are just so poignant and true to life.

Good job.

I'd like to say that this is possibly my favorite post in the history of the Lyrics forum.

I think I love you.

[Mando]

http://home.student.uu.se/hape2405/aabf18_sarcasm_detector.jpg

You realize everything Buysoap said was sarcastic, right? Or are you really that big an idiot?


that's not being sarcastic.
ass.

[OveriseFan]

that's not being sarcastic.
ass.

Are you an idiot?

[a speedo model]

that's not being sarcastic.
ass.
Um..:unsure:

[Judge'sDaughter]

wasn't forced.
shut up.
not cliche, you don't understand what it's about.
I understand it.
At frist it seems to flow easy but in the end it begins to seem force.d
change that and it would be fabulous.

[lostfear]

I don't understand you judges daughter.