Monster

[lostfear]

Now I'm just picking up where my father left off
The times ticking up, there's moans comming from the loft

Oh faith fail me not, I'm counting on you this time
the memories drain, with the second and third shots
with my transgressions and agressions building like clots

and I can't keep my thoughts together
this nigth makes me feel the pressure
but don't mind your tongue, don't you mind it.

Backseat confessions and lengthy kisses
Cold recessions, oh how the arrow misses
looking back at the works of my pen
the letters, weathers, fading in the sun.

Words are a cavern, lost in your desk
pictures of us have never seemed so grotesque

You're always stumbling back to your home
After a night spent with a bottle alone

my name screams in your head
it's the thought of me that prevents
your fears from going to bed
I'm in the closet, I'm in the closet

[apoemtothedead]

The only thing worse than your grammar is this poem.

[a speedo model]

Best thing you've posted. I loved it. Fantastic work. Keep it up.

[apoemtothedead]

I've made better posts before

[lfdfforever]

I've made better posts before you suck

[fifpb99]

Didn't like it so much. I liked the overall theme... Imagery was alright, but the rhyming seemed random, and this added to the fact it didn't flow very well. (Except for the final 4 lines, I did like them alot.) That's what I took from the first time reading it, anyways. I think working on the flow of it a bit would help it out tremendously.

[lostfear]

compliments and criticism, either way thanks for reading.

btw I agree about the flow. I don't know how to change it without screwing up what I want to say or changing the content.

[fifpb99]

compliments and criticism, either way thanks for reading.

btw I agree about the flow. I don't know how to change it without screwing up what I want to say or changing the content.

yeah see if you can polish it up a bit, be interested in what comes from it.

[lostfear]

Edit, check it out, I just added more, I'm just if it flows better or not but I tried.

[Judge'sDaughter]

I couldn't read past the first two lines. It was that terrible.
Try and make it seem more interesting in the beginning and I may actually finish it.

[lostfear]

good writing is so fucking subjective on this site.

what sucks to you, is great to another (a speedo models) you either have the highest standards ever or your just being mean for fun like apoemtothedead.