It's in prgress help me on this one

[Rufio217]

Let me know what needs to be changed



On this old paper napkin
I confess my tears
Like a knife in the heart
Staring back at an empty reflection
Taking a walk inside my head
Not knowing what I'm thinking
Or about to do
This is the end of me

Wondering...
Where the tangled web of lies ends
And the new one begins
Wondering...
Where I'll find myself
Or if I even will
Wondering...
What happened to
Those days you felt so alive

The blue sky bleeds and fades to black
The bright flourencent moon travels
Leading me to you
And your web of defeat
But it's to late to run
I'm already caught
And wrapped in my cacoon
Waiting for you to kill me slowly
And let me drain
And leave me wondering

Wondering...
Where the tangled web of lies ends
And the new one begins
Wondering...
Where I'll find myself
Or if I even will
Wondering...
What happened to
Those days you felt so alive

[wadejunkie]

i dont like the knife to the heart simile, its overdone, think of new ways to express pain.

i dont like the napkin thing either

it looks pretty good otherwise, i really couldnt picture it in a song though