The One

[punkqb]

The One

She’s the one you could never ever have
She’s the one who made those stupid fads
And yet she’s the only one you ever wanted

Prom queen…
Parents dream…

You always talk to her dumb friends
They say that she’s never heard of you
But that’s only half true
Because she just doesn’t know you quite yet

And now its three a.m. and I say
Cant stand her, cant land her
Don’t want her, but need her
Eternal obsession, undying hate
If dreams could come true
She would be with you

She said she wants to be friends
But that isn’t the truth
The truth is… she doesn’t want you
But now your better off wasted, a drunken mess
You rip on her, until there’s nothing left

And as she talks to her friends
She tells them that you’re just a joke
The clothes that you wear, the style of your hair
She’ll never understand, and she’ll never like your band
Because your just a little punk rock wannabe,
And she’s the fucking queen of everything

Better off with out her
Who needs her unbearable teenage poetry
She wouldn’t know pain, if an anvil graced her face
She thinks she’s so smart, she thinks she knows everything
But popularity doesn’t last a lifetime, only four measly years

And as you sit stoned, writing your very next song
You ask that never ending question, what if?

[wadejunkie]

it started out really elementary, like songs that i assume we all wrote in the beginning. but when you start hating her, it gets kind of decent. except "teenage poetry" because it just reminds me of that TBS lyric.

"And she’s the fucking queen of everything "

i like that line alot, haha

[ADecentDay]

Very good. The scenerios are great. Rhyme scheme is great. Its good.

[punkqb]

Originally posted by ADecentDay
Very good. The scenerios are great. Rhyme scheme is great. Its good.

thanks

[punkqb]

more input would be nice

[Rufio217]

"She wouldn’t know pain, if an anvil graced her face"

"And she’s the fucking queen of everything"

I like those lines,and like wade said, I like how it went from elementary to hate, a decent change over....rather than reading a desperate wanting of a girl you tell it how it is it goes from lust to love to obsession to hate...

Measley -> i just don't like that word...i don't know it is just wierd sounding in a song

And now it's three A.M <- the time chart is seen so often in so many songs now it is kinda a bore, but i guess it works for the song, and for once I actually liked the scheme of rhyming normally i hate it, but i guess it goes with the song well, or at least for the beat i had in my head it did...

[punkqb]

Originally posted by Rufio217
"She wouldn’t know pain, if an anvil graced her face"

"And she’s the fucking queen of everything"

I like those lines,and like wade said, I like how it went from elementary to hate, a decent change over....rather than reading a desperate wanting of a girl you tell it how it is it goes from lust to love to obsession to hate...

Measley -> i just don't like that word...i don't know it is just wierd sounding in a song

And now it's three A.M <- the time chart is seen so often in so many songs now it is kinda a bore, but i guess it works for the song, and for once I actually liked the scheme of rhyming normally i hate it, but i guess it goes with the song well, or at least for the beat i had in my head it did...

thanks for the tips

[xAlexisonfirex]

-use symbolism. every word you've said in there has been said before. symbolism allows you to create a new kind of love, or hate.

-it doesn't sound honest.

-the whole high school love song hting it's just so...overdone, overused, generic, unoriginal.

i'm not ripping you just constructive critiscm.

if you ever want to start a band and want more then 12-17 year old dumbass chicks as your fans, your writing has to grow past their age.

make people think about, not bob their head to the song. make them think about the lyrics and feel them.

[punkqb]

dude thanks, that helps a lot, i was kinda thinkin the same thing but i wasnt sure, now i am