Crime and Vengeance

[FieryWolf88]

I know that this is a little more personal, and a lot easier to figure out, but before I use it to get back at him, I wanted to get some feedback. So tell me what you think and whether or not you think it will wake her up.

How could you do this
You ruined my entire life
You stole my child-like innocence
And covered it with lies
You took my childhood
And filled me with fear
You muffled my screams
Knowing she wouldn’t hear
Time and time again
You burned scars into my mind
That I will never get out
No matter how hard I try
And when something was said
You lied to her the whole time
You took everything special to me
And got away with your crime
But I’ll never forgive you
For what you did to me
I swear my vengeance
And someday she’ll see

[apoemtothedead]

hahaha. dyke.

[lostfear]

It's filled with overused concepts. I felt like I've read every line before.

and I felt nothing from reading this. no emotion what so ever. it seems like its about something very emotional for you.

make us feel it.

[FieryWolf88]

hahaha. dyke.

"she" = my mom
"you" = my mom's boyfriend

Know what you are talking about before you say something you shouldn't. At least lostfear thought about what he was going to say before he said it.

lostfear: I want to thank you for your advice. You didn't trash it and totally bring me down.

[sceneasth3tic]

i think you should try and spice it up a bit,
the words are original, theres really no emotion to build up the words that you have written.

[apoemtothedead]

"she" = my mom
"you" = my mom's boyfriend

Know what you are talking about before you say something you shouldn't. At least lostfear thought about what he was going to say before he said it.

lostfear: I want to thank you for your advice. You didn't trash it and totally bring me down.
I'm not dating your mom.

[a speedo model]

Yeah, I get nothing from this. It feels cold, I wasn't drawn into it at all. And like the one guy said, you use overused concepts that are boring.
I'm not dating your mom.
hahaha, that was pretty funny.

[FieryWolf88]

I'm not dating your mom.

I meant the "you" in the poem... That's why there was quotations around it. Do you not understand that?

[apoemtothedead]

I meant the "you" in the poem... That's why there was quotations around it. Do you not understand that?
No. Please write a 3-5 page paper on what the usage of quotations mean in different situations.

[lostfear]

hey josiah, my name is jake. you keep refering me as "that one guy"

[FieryWolf88]

No. Please write a 3-5 page paper on what the usage of quotations mean in different situations.

Do you like to cause trouble with people? All I asked was whether or not you think that it would help me get my point across to my mom, I didn't ask for you to be an ass and treat me badly.

[SLADE775]

hahaha. dyke.


hahaha

[SLADE775]

Do you like to cause trouble with people? All I asked was whether or not you think that it would help me get my point across to my mom, I didn't ask for you to be an ass and treat me badly.


You are a moron, a complete waste as a human being and a member of society.

[FieryWolf88]

You are a moron, a complete waste as a human being and a member of society.

And you're not?

[a speedo model]

hey josiah, my name is jake. you keep refering me as "that one guy"
haha, sorry, Jake.

[buysoap]

Is this about Ghost Rider????

http://reviews.mobilewhack.com/images/ghost_rider.jpg

[strobelife]

Hey uhhh wolf. I'm new here but I know not to say anything back to Mark because then he'll just say more back and that just gets you more agrivated. Dont let him get to you man, life's to short to argue with someone on the internet.

As for the poem I dont have anything to say that wasnt said earlier. It didnt feel like it came from your heart. It didnt seem personal. You say that the "she" is your mother. Let the reader know that its your mother. And you said in the poem that it hurts you. What is that doing to you? Are you going out and dressing as a bum and then killing people in the streets at midnight? I hope not. But whatever your doing as a reaction to your mother being with this guy you need to write it down in detail and then pick out what you think fits. Hope this helped. Later alligator.

[FieryWolf88]

Hey uhhh wolf. I'm new here but I know not to say anything back to Mark because then he'll just say more back and that just gets you more agrivated. Dont let him get to you man, life's to short to argue with someone on the internet.

As for the poem I dont have anything to say that wasnt said earlier. It didnt feel like it came from your heart. It didnt seem personal. You say that the "she" is your mother. Let the reader know that its your mother. And you said in the poem that it hurts you. What is that doing to you? Are you going out and dressing as a bum and then killing people in the streets at midnight? I hope not. But whatever your doing as a reaction to your mother being with this guy you need to write it down in detail and then pick out what you think fits. Hope this helped. Later alligator.

Thanks

[xXJaredsGirlXx]

I agree with Strobelife