sandy face

[wadejunkie]

said the man on the beach
"why is the water so unsuspecting
its like it doesnt expect me"

there are no problems
ive been in a constant state of happiness for months
happiness makes me happy, but sadness is fun

something about colors
they help realize how much i love my life
i put everything on paper. words and lines. curves and lines

summer
is gonna come and
its gonna take me up and over
im gonna go to the beach and make home in the sand
summer
a summer sun that
makes my face sting up and under
im gonna enjoy life cause now its in my hands

shes so pretty
i want to feel her breath suffocate my lips
i want to feel her thighs on my finger tips

i want to move in a way that leaves scars on the air
i want to uninvite after i cut my hair

i want to see you standing a few feet back
i want to watch your expression decide not to ask
what my name is. my name is a crime.

summer
is gonna come and
its gonna take me up and over
im gonna go to the beach and make home in the sand
summer
a summer sun that
makes my face sting up and under
im gonna enjoy life cause now its in my hands




i know that a lot of that might sound lame/pathetic/stupid and disjointed but i like the way it sounds in the song. i made most of the words up while just playing guitar and kept them. others i stole from things ive written down before, and tried to make them fit in the song.

yeah. whateva.

[ADecentDay]

Theres nothing bad here in my opinion. I really like "My name is a crime".

[dakknox]

i thought it sounded alright, the references to the sun and happiness and colors made it seem somewhat lively and obviosly happy, i personaly don't really like the line about cutting your hair, but it's your stuff so hey, later

[wadejunkie]

Originally posted by dakknox
i thought it sounded alright, the references to the sun and happiness and colors made it seem somewhat lively and obviosly happy, i personaly don't really like the line about cutting your hair, but it's your stuff so hey, later

yeah the whole idea of the song is being increcibly happy. ive been trying to think of ways to change the hair line since i wrote it though

[Zack Attack]

Originally posted by wadejunkie

summer
is gonna come and
its gonna take me up and over
im gonna go to the beach and make home in the sand
summer
a summer sun that
makes my face sting up and under
im gonna enjoy life cause now its in my hands








i really liked that part, cool song though, its different cause usaully everyone is writing about being really mad and pissed off.

[wewin]

Dude, this is cool. I like it a lot, but there's a few quibbles.

"why is the water so unsuspecting
its like it doesnt expect me"

---Unsuspecting=not expecting, you might want to fiddle with that.

there are no problems
ive been in a constant state of happiness for months
happiness makes me happy, but sadness is fun

----This stanza is kinda awkward. You're trying to say that being happy is better than being sad, but it's fun to write about sadness, and that's true, but you might want to avoid pointing that out in this song. Even though it may be true, this idea goes AGAINST the theme of being happy.



i want to feel her breath suffocate my lips

---Suffocation isn't really that happy...I dunno. Make me believe that you actually want this and it'll fit better into the song.


i want to move in a way that leaves scars on the air
---Awesome line. Make your mark on the world so it won't go away.


i want to see you standing a few feet back
i want to watch your expression decide not to ask
what my name is. my name is a crime.
----Again, awesome. Enjoying the puzzlement of others, like "why are you so happy? Who are you to be happy?"
Cool.


Good song and good sentiment. I hope the advice helps...if you were even looking for advice. Bye!

[wadejunkie]

Originally posted by wewin
there are no problems
ive been in a constant state of happiness for months
happiness makes me happy, but sadness is fun

im saying that im so fucking happy that even sadness is fun.

[wewin]

oh. color me retarded.

oops.