Wake up, click your fingers, take some H

[pearljamontoast]

Just stay until someone finds you and takes you away from all this again


And these eyes of mine-
Are burning and making little streams down my face
This is not a fall from grace and I never said it was a cry for help

I’ve been there before and I’ll shoot out of this hold up again
I’m stronger than I look
And no I don’t fucking need your help
One second in there, that’s all it took


Hazy musty ambience of the club
If keep this wanting weight and don’t believe
That my arm is thumping with need

Then I can meet your eyes
I won’t have to lie
So many bright lights
And I choke and stumble downtown
I’ve never had a more demanding lover

I can’t wait forever and I don’t play your games
I can’t fly I know I can’t, but my changing blood is telling me different
Its golden and good, light angel touches like the glittering sea
Close my eyes, feel myself drift on the moving memories
Sparking and releasing rainbow coloured kisses into my heart

Scream my implicit scream
It drift's around my body and wraps me in the warm
Not conscious but not asleep
Not dreaming but not seeing
The last time I take it, I won’t ever take it


Blind and lost in a land I can’t leave
Stumble and fall on my head
See a sign saying ‘You can’t breathe…’

Just stay still until someone finds you and takes you away from all this again


And all those golden tears burst through my body
But my face
It glitters

[a speedo model]

Here's the problem with this: It doesn't stand out. The imagery is good, but nothing amazing. Nothing that hasn't been said. It isn't cliche, it's just overdone. You do have talent. Just keep writing. You need to find yourself as a writer.

As a reader, this bored me. There was nothing fresh to hold onto. But like I said, you've got talent just keep writing.

[pearljamontoast]

Firstly, thankyou for commenting constructivly. I was so afraid, like so many other threads I have seen here, that people would insult me and the lyrics viciously.

I do know exactly what you mean. It is boring and I've always wondered what is it that I need to get into what I write. I guess I just need to keep digging. Or better yet have it spring upon me while I am writing.

I'm glad you said it wasn't cliched. That's one thing I try my best to avoid. But, yeah, I need to hold back. Cheers.

[a speedo model]

Anytime.

My best advice is to keep writing. Seriously, we all start out shakey or what have you. It's all about finding yourself as a writer and learning how to accurately express what it is you're trying to say. It takes time. Trust me.

[pearljamontoast]

Thing is, I've been writing for...bout 3 years now. So I hope that is still in the 'takes time' catergory. If not, I'm fucked.

[a speedo model]

hahaha, I started writing when I was 14 and didn't get any good till about 17 or 18, and even then I was still not that good. haha

So yeah, you shouldn't worry.

[pearljamontoast]

Haha, cheers. I bet your lyrics are good now though. I'll anticipate to see 'em.

[a speedo model]

hahaha, thanks. But I don't as many as I used to...

[pearljamontoast]

Huh? Sorry do you mean, you don't write as much as you used to. Hark at me if I just can't read.

[a speedo model]

hahaha, sorry I left a word out. I meant "I don't post as many.."

[pearljamontoast]

Aha! I understand. Well nice talking to you. I've added you if that's alright.

[a speedo model]

:-) Thanks.

[the_culprit]

This song is good. But, it's the same sad story that everybody else writes. Think beyond what you see with your eyes. Reach into your soul and find the correct wording. Make it seem like it's not what it is. It's decent, though.

[xwisebuddhax]

I liked it but I agree with a speedo model, its all been said, but keep it up, and you'll be better.

This is coming from me, who usually writes cliche stuff, lol.

[pearljamontoast]

This song is good. But, it's the same sad story that everybody else writes. Think beyond what you see with your eyes. Reach into your soul and find the correct wording. Make it seem like it's not what it is. It's decent, though.

But how can people relate to you if they don't understand what the song is about if you make it seem like it's not what it is?

[pearljamontoast]

I liked it but I agree with a speedo model, its all been said, but keep it up, and you'll be better.

This is coming from me, who usually writes cliche stuff, lol.

Haha, it's hard to avoid really.