Excuse This

[MusicMends]

I know that this song isnt great and some lines could use some alota help. Im just wondering what people think and some suggestions maybe? If you like then lemme know I have more.
-Jake




Your excuse book is definitely running low
That is one thing that the two of us know
You can only play these games for so long
Before I finally get the will to become strong

Tell the kid I'm on to his game
And that it is so fucking played out and lame
Who’s going to be there for you in September?
Or even December? That's all I ask for a person like you to remember

Make a note of this song
And remind yourself that you are NEVER wrong
Strap you shoes on tight
And then put up a worthwhile fight

PUN intended
This is so Maliciously splendid
These catchy lines
Are just a few signs

Tell the kid I'm on to his game
And that it is so fucking played out and lame
Who’s going to be there for you in September? (who's gonna be there for you when you cry?)
Or even December? That's all I ask for a person like you to remember

These are the kinds of things you wish you could say
But nope not for you, not today
Making up lies
And looking into the eyes of a bunch of “special” guys

Make it a note to tell me that you hate me for saying these things
And that I cant even sing
You know what's up
Yup

Tell the kid I'm on to his game
And that it is so fucking played out and lame
Who’s going to be there for you in September?
Or even December? That's all I ask for a person like you to remember

Tell the kid I'm on to his game
And that it is so fucking played out and lame
Who’s going to be there for you in September?
Or even December? That's all I ask for a person like you to remember

Make it a note to hate my guts

[GREENatarisDAY]

its looks pretty good to me, can use a little work with the wording here. I liked the other song you showed me a bit better but keep it up

[MusicMends]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by GREENatarisDAY
[B]its looks pretty good to me, can use a little work with the wording here. I liked the other song you


agreed....i shoulda put more time into it

[Losing Padriac]

I'm not a huge fan of the rhyming structure you have, because one is just so constricted to a certain way of writing when the AABB strategy is used. But, it could make a nice pop-punk song.

[MusicMends]

haha ya it would make a good pop punk song.

[Rufio217]

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I'm not digging that, though yeah it may be a good pop song...But it seemed wierd how word like maliciously fits into that song at all, it seems forced to find useage of a bigger word, i just don't like that, but overall all if there wasn't aabb scheme, and the word it could be an "alright song" then again you probably have a different beat in your head than i do mine when singing it