We Will Swim Like Fish

[Mando]

Mouth rinse couldn't make a difference.
You leave me with this cool taste in my mouth
that reminds me of the fun times we had.
As I sit there on the computer, and you're there watching me.
Surprised I haven't left you for another, better.
But when I kiss your lips, they taste like sugar.
And I know there is nothing in this world better, not even water.
The glass isn't half empty and and it's not half full.
There's nothing in this glass
so why am I still here?

[xwisebuddhax]

Nice, I liked it, not so sure about the computer reference...

[Mando]

thank you.

[strobelife]

This was pretty cool. I liked it more than "I fly"

[Mando]

this song is about soda.

[OveriseFan]

This is kind of... awful.

I mean, writing about soda isn't the problem, the problem is the way you went about writing it. Even in the route you took I can see things I would fix (I would change the similie of "like sugar" to a metaphor "are sugar". It's far more effective in getting the point across.) The problem is: The route you took on this is awful. It's just cheesy, random lines that are poorly executed. (Mouthwash? Come on...)

Sorry, I don't like this at all.

[silentstar1134]

i think its allright....keep on writing

[OveriseFan]

I hate when people say "Keep writing." I do it myself sometimes... :-(

[buysoap]

Wow.


I hate it.