another one

[fincherific]

its pretty lame but hey, i was only 13 so dont bag on me too much. there's something i dont like about it and i cant figure it out. maybe you can help.


Writing in blood
It just keeps coming
I hide it too well
It keeps me running

Away from them all
They’re chasing me
And now I know
I’ll never be free

Of the pain
That keeps me from growing
All I want
Is to keep them from knowing

What I do
When I’m in my room
In the dark
My quiet tomb

My mind imprisons
I start to sink
Maybe I’ll stop
Enough time to think

The pain engulfs
Swallow me whole
Its all that matters
Relieving my soul

Clear it away
In a dazed lull
They can’t know
I’m this vulnerable

Don’t leave me alone
With myself
Just keep a safe distance
Keep me up on a shelf

Hidden from all
For nobody to see
You’d better make sure
You save yourself from me

Tucked away quietly
Your little fucked up friend
Maybe tonight
Will be the end

[fincherific]

would someone please just comment on one of my poems? i dont even care if what you have to say is bad.

[bigweener]

yah, it sounds a little rawish. if that makes any sense. my poems end up the same way. i like what youve done with it tho, you did well. i dont know if im a fan of the rhyming stuff, but you didnt butcher it, well done.

[punklet2101]

Yeah thats a cool poem.

It's simple, but I liked it. And to say you were only 13, well that just makes it better.

I really liked this bit:

Hidden from all
For nobody to see
You’d better make sure
You save yourself from me

That was good. Keep writing and writing and you'll improve.

[fincherific]

thanks for commenting
i agree about the rhyming.. i've only done that twice and i dont think i really like it
i dont really know what rawish means but i think i have an idea.

[BuriedAlive]

for some reason i think rhyming is really childish. the only time i use it is when i dont mean too.