"My White Water Bed"

[Rufio217]

Old Song, New title. You like it, awesome. Tell me what you like. You hate it, again...awesome. Tell me what you hated. If your going to call it a cliche or bitch about "true friends stab each other in the front" then i'd rather not to hear it...


"My White Water Bed"

The feelings build
And it weighs you down
Like my cement slippers
Worn rafting in the river's water
And you'll find me here in the morning

Taking the knife out of your back
Is just another fight you'll lose
Don't you know true friends
stab each other in the front?
And it doesn't matter if I win,
Because I'm already dead on the inside
My only hope is you lose the rest of your life

So tonight I'll sleep with the fishes
And practice my breathing under water
So hold you breath, while I choke
And remember me
When you blowing out your candles
And your gasping for air
'Cause that is how I feel right now

Close your eyes
Gasp for one last breathe
And let go
It's not so bad
A desperate act off the M -Town bridge
Two stories down into the waterfall
Construction signs say no access
But I am destined to make a "killer" splash

So tonight I'll sleep with the fishes
And practice my breathing under water
So hold you breath while I choke
And remember me
When you blowing out your candles
And your gasping for air
'Cause that is how I feel right now

A body lays dead
Tossed in the river rapids
But it's ok
The cement slippers are my savior
So rest in your bed
While I'm sleeping with my new friends
At least the have no hands
To stab me in the back with

So hold your breath...while...I...CHOKE
And remember me when you hit rock bottom
Like I did, Or did I hit the rock at the bottom?
I don't remember
But I found my new friends

[Rufio217]

BUMP........I need feedback

[Alex Djaferis]

its alright man...its just hard to read at times, i couldnt find a good tune for my mind to read it do you know what i mean? but its obvious that you probably have something in mind for it...

[MaybeOneDay]

i liked it

but didnt you rip that "true friends stab eachother in the front" line off of another song? maybe im wrong.

but it was good.

[Rufio217]

The only time i ever heard that was when my friend said it so i used it, but i came to realize it was used before and suddenly it wasn't so cool ya know?

[xAlexisonfirex]

it's ok. i halfway ripped a line from alexisonfire.

just chaneg it a bit

If you wer ea real friend, you'd stab me in the front.

True friends stab you while looking into your eyes

something like that.

[Rufio217]

Originally posted by PeeDster
its alright man...its just hard to read at times, i couldnt find a good tune for my mind to read it do you know what i mean? but its obvious that you probably have something in mind for it...



why was it hard to read....b/c of teh beat in your head or b/c it was poorly written or what?

[Rufio217]

BUMP

[xcountryqt09]

"Because I'm already dead on the inside " ..for some reason that line is so hummmm familar!!!! :p I don't know wher you heard it. :p I'm just kidding you .. the songs really good . The beat is good but you lose it now in then. Its strongest where there is a form of aliteration. Also just check your grammer. I think there's a spot where you should be your, it says "hold you breath" .. so just check that. The song has some great ideas though so keep working on it. Oh - and if you haven't already read it outloud a few times, try that- it will help you see where the beat gets a little rough.

[Rufio217]

IDK where i got it from, it must have just come to me, lol, alright...alright i got it from you jess.....but it's a cool line, so i couldn't pass it up...

[xcountryqt09]

ya ya its ok you took my line - it really fits the song so I'm cool with it. However, if you ever make it big I want a little credit . ;) ;) ;)