Experimental Beat Poetry

[MolotovHeart]

Would anyone be interested in reading some experimental beat poetry?
It seems like most of the writing on here is very lyric-based so I don't know if anyone would care to read some work that I have. It's in the same vein of Ginsberg but told through my life, views, experience, etc. Bash it or appreciate it, but if it interests you I got plenty more.


This is a sample from a poem called "Hot Rocks and Cool Behavior".


Guess what "Big Time", your postcard never came mainly because my name isn’t “return to sender” a phrase your love could never render, while I bled from the knees in worship, developed a tact for tribute, had my back broken from your burden, and left my neck out only for you to cut me off like a tattered tag on the clearance rack as you proceeded to cut me out of your broken musical clock you call a life like an expired Aldi coupon

If this makes sense to you read it again and this time convince yourself your right because it’s what you do best in times like these when the truth is nothing more then a breeze across the miles of your mendacious history

You transform me into Stephen Hawking when I trying to stand up for myself because my heart is tied down in self-doubt, meddling in unperscribed misfortunes

You’ve got plans but I got promises that say the endless loop of erroneous logic you subscribe the only trust your black hole heart can muster up isn’t worth it’s weight in your make believe vanity you wear on your skin like a Halloween night personality

[lew_1987]

Would anyone be interested in reading some experimental beat poetry?
convince yourself your[1] right because

You transform me into Stephen Hawking when I[2] trying to stand up for myself because my heart is tied down in self-doubt, meddling in unperscribed[3] misfortunes

1. you're
2. I'm
3. unprescribed

Apart from those small mistakes, this is very, very good.

[OveriseFan]

Ew.

Some of your cliches and metaphors are just awful... seriously. And that's basically this entire piece. I like the idea you had, but it came off as being too modern, too informal. I don't really like it, because these similies are just laughable in parts.

It's not the style you wrote in though, I posted a piece like this a week ago. Others have too, though not recently.

Keep writing, it's good, just work on not using so many similies and metaphors, and when you do use them, make them effective, rather than a cheap pop culture reference.

[thecurerocks182]

I concur with overisefan. I just want to add that you should consider punctuation when writing. The absence of any periods causes for confusion and makes it difficult to read.

[OveriseFan]

I concur with overisefan. I just want to add that you should consider punctuation when writing. The absence of any periods causes for confusion and makes it difficult to read.

YES!

I can't believe I didn't point that out. Good call.

That is the number one problem of new writers writing prose. They don't use punctuation effectively.

[lew_1987]

yeah i agree with the last two points aswell. still think its good though.