the Slipshod Carnival (Out On the Town In the Pouring Rain)

[CellarGhosts]

Notes: Another one of my :piano: songs. (See the notes section in my piece entitled "Metropolitan Serenades")
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the Slipshod Carnival (Out On the Town In the Pouring Rain)

Well in this uptown caravan, we're all just vagrant circus clowns,
Drifters lost in the aching, rough-edged barroom sounds...
Of out of tune guitars, and discordant grand piano keys
Played on through the night, we're all just trading romantic war stories.
And I'm fumbling for a melody, I'm skimming through my words
All those things I said to you, I can't tell which is worse:
That I'm sitting here without you, dear, listenin' to some vagabond moan...
Or that his somber railcar song, reminds me of your spiteful tone.

Well I kissed you goodbye, on the chime of the midnight hour.
Sad to say your lips on mine, this time my dear, tasted so goddamn sour.
We walked down Main Street together, passing all the parking lines and news stands.
Baby, the world was fast alseep, when we were walking hand in hand.
Now all I've got is photographs, and this achin', alleyway song.
Now I think I know what they meant by "ya don't know what ya got until it's gone"...
Well, I'll raise a toast to you, I'll raise a glass my dear.
And while I'm thinking back on us, babe, I'll try not to shed a tear.

It's a nice night for a shade of red, to coat this run-down town.
But I'm far too tired and far too heartbroke so I'll just have another round.
I'm sitting here, uptown tonight, exchanging tales with strangers.
'Bout how you've come to be nothing more than just another dog inside the manger.*
Outside the rain is falling hard, filling up my paper cup.
It's getting late, and to be honest I think I've had enough...

So I'll shake each hand of all these fools, in this slipshod carnival before I go.
'Cause I gotta find something to keep me warm, cause out there it's ten below.
Whoa, I'll stagger to a payphone, and I'll drop my quarters in.
When I hear your sweet, sweet voice, it's gonna be "hope to God I never see you again"



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* http://www.rhymezone.com/r/d?u=dog_in_the_manger

[as_we_learn]

these lyrics good to, but not my fave. the clowns thing kinda threw me off. the lyrics are still some the best i've read from you though.

[CellarGhosts]

thanks, man. i can see where the "clown" thing would throw people off...i'm really kind of referring to the older-style clowns, if that makes sense, or really, the persona of the clown, IE, the painted-on frowns, etc. So it's kind of a dumb, half-assed metaphor for the duality of emotions, etc. haha yeah idk...but thanks, it means alot to me to see my work so appreciated.

[as_we_learn]

thanks, man. i can see where the "clown" thing would throw people off...i'm really kind of referring to the older-style clowns, if that makes sense, or really, the persona of the clown, IE, the painted-on frowns, etc. So it's kind of a dumb, half-assed metaphor for the duality of emotions, etc. haha yeah idk...but thanks, it means alot to me to see my work so appreciated.

yea man great lyrics will always be appreciated

[CellarGhosts]

haha yeah I hope so! It seems you gotta do pretty damn good to impress some of the people on this site haha

[as_we_learn]

;-)

[CellarGhosts]

could i get some second opinions on this?

[JimGray]

Duh, you know I'm commenting on this bro, wutup!? Not your best, the flow in the beginning is so fucked, but it definitely gets better towards the end. I'll be posting a new track in like 5 minutes, so check it!

[OveriseFan]

Uh, I didn't read it all, to be honest, but I have to ask: Do you use a rhyme dictionary(Rhymezone.com)? Because it sure seems like it. "Dog in a manger"? I mean, I know you gave the definition but that is just... Wow.

I don't know. If you do: Stop. It's bringing down your writing. Only turn there for a line, at best, if you're truly stuck.

I used to use it, and that's why my work sucked.

[manican sex]

i actually only like the first stanza and the lasty one. i think you run over a couple ideas too much and make it boring at times. but i think the whole thing as a whole works well from start to finish but i would change a coupel lines to make it more intersting and make your point stronger with more detail. but it was def decent work man. keep it up.

[CellarGhosts]

Uh, I didn't read it all, to be honest, but I have to ask: Do you use a rhyme dictionary(Rhymezone.com)? Because it sure seems like it. "Dog in a manger"? I mean, I know you gave the definition but that is just... Wow.

I don't know. If you do: Stop. It's bringing down your writing. Only turn there for a line, at best, if you're truly stuck.

I used to use it, and that's why my work sucked.

Thanks, James. I did actually use the RhymeZone dictionary. Sad, I know, but I was actually, truly stuck. I tried several other lines, and they were, oddly, worse than that one. So I just said what the hell and used it in the end.Anyway, thanks again. I hardly ever use that site, but do turn to it now and then.

[CellarGhosts]

i actually only like the first stanza and the lasty one. i think you run over a couple ideas too much and make it boring at times. but i think the whole thing as a whole works well from start to finish but i would change a coupel lines to make it more intersting and make your point stronger with more detail. but it was def decent work man. keep it up.

Thanks, man. I appreciate the criticism. I had a hard time keeping this one solid throughout, but all in all I'm pretty proud of it. I'll keep working on this one, though. Thanks again.