My first song..

[asubtledaggerx]

Today I started to write my first song ever, it's not done, it's not in the correct order but I would like some constructive critacism on it. Thanks :)

The way you present yourself makes me wonder what my leaking eyes saw in you
How still is the night?
How still is the night?
It's been quite restless since I shut the door on us
A broken carousel going around
A reminder of you and I on an endless ride never stopping to be fixed

The momentary lapse tween us make me want to bleed
This 7'' is cutting me open
It's a canvas of our memories on my wrist

Invited over to see my new creation
You wander the halls like a ghost
"Where is it?" you whisper
Well my love, look down, the canvas is my wrist

[wasted]

i like the last part a lot, very creative. i don't really know what to else to say until i've read the whole thing, but so far it's good.