This will probally be moved..

[asubtledaggerx]

but oh well. I wrote my first song yesterday and I would really like some feedback about it..good and bad. I know this should go in the lyric section but I don't know how many people actually look in there. So Um yes so feedback would be great..

The way you present yourself makes me wonder what my leaking eyes saw in you
How still is the night?
How still is the night?
It's been quite restless since I shut the door on us
A broken carousel going around
A reminder of you and I
An endless ride never taking breaks to be fixed

This momentary lapse between us makes me want to bleed
This 7'' is cutting me open
It's a canvas of our memories on my wrist

Invited over to see my new creation
You wandered the halls like a ghost
"Where is it?" you whisper
Well love, look down, the canvas is my wrist

This momentary lapse between us makes me want to bleed
This 7'' is cutting me open
It's a canvas of our memories on my wrist

Autumn weeps for me
Tears rustle the leaves
How still is the night?
How still is the night?
They seem to scream
Now there is no movement
The house echos silence
This broken 7'' lays bloody beside me
I slowly drift away from you

You said you'd do anything for love
But I don't see you with me bleeding our memories
The weeping continues
The weeping continues
All because you're not here to share this numbing pain with me

This momentary lapse between us makes me want to bleed
This 7'' is cutting me open
It's a canvas of our memories on my wrist

[GCnfgMestBoi182]

those lyrics are scary!

[MapleLeaf]

"This momentary lapse between us makes me want to bleed
This 7'' is cutting me open
It's a canvas of our memories on my wrist"

plz die. k thx

[devin]

That made me cry, and not in the good way...

[omegaX]

Good shit right there....

[FallingOut]

Good lyrics Laura. On a side note, how did that Bannnnnnned person get 10000 posts?

[the_champ_is_here]

dont write songs laura

[proeuthanasia]

the song could use some work. go through it, revise it a little...............then bend over and kiss my fucking ass. how about you take a shot at writing about something personal to you instead of just coming up with words that 'sound cool'. have you ever had bloody wrists, my dear? i highly fucking doubt it. some advice for future reference: write about your feelings. write about things you know FIRSTHAND. then maybe kids wouldn't hate your lame ass songs so much.




......all i have to say.

[MapleLeaf]

Originally posted by proeuthanasia
the song could use some work. go through it, revise it a little...............then bend over and kiss my fucking ass. how about you take a shot at writing about something personal to you instead of just coming up with words that 'sound cool'. have you ever had bloody wrists, my dear? i highly fucking doubt it. some advice for future reference: write about your feelings. write about things you know FIRSTHAND. then maybe kids wouldn't hate your lame ass songs so much.




......all i have to say.

chill out. you didn't have to take that so damn personal.

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by Bannnnned
chill out. you didn't have to take that so damn personal.



excuse you. i have every right to take it personally, for reasons i choose not to discuss over the internet. and if that statement doesn't make things clear enough for you....well then, i'm afraid i'd also have a reason to call you a retard.

[MapleLeaf]

i do understand why you got mad, and i know exactly what youre talking about. but why get mad over some idiot being a douche? and it wasnt directed at you so you probably shouldnt have freaked like that.

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by Bannnnned
i do understand why you got mad, and i know exactly what youre talking about. but why get mad over some idiot being a douche? and it wasnt directed at you so you probably shouldnt have freaked like that.

i didn't 'freak', but the whole 'idiot being a douche' thing made me laugh so i'll let it go.

[xxSpOoKsxx]

thats heavy good lyrics

[The Nephilm]

those are almost as bad as the shit greg has come up with

and like proeuthanasia said, I as well doubt that you have had those experiences and probably have never been upset to even consider them, so for fucks sake don't write things that will be really offensive to some people when you yourself have never experienced them to begin with.

other than that, the song blew. what the fuck is up with all of these god damn emo songs. YOU ALL SAY THE SAME THING. I'm sad because you left me. wha wha wha. it has been said a million times before. but seriously go write for Brand New. this is exactly the type of trash they love to write songs to. stick to sucking off desperate guys and pounding them in their assholes with your enourmous snozz.

[Alex Djaferis]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
those are almost as bad as the shit greg has come up with

and like proeuthanasia said, I as well doubt that you have had those experiences and probably have never been upset to even consider them, so for fucks sake don't write things that will be really offensive to some people when you yourself have never experienced them to begin with.

other than that, the song blew. what the fuck is up with all of these god damn emo songs. YOU ALL SAY THE SAME THING. I'm sad because you left me. wha wha wha. it has been said a million times before. but seriously go write for Brand New. this is exactly the type of trash they love to write songs to. stick to sucking off desperate guys and pounding them in their assholes with your enourmous snozz.

lets see you write something buddie.

[The Nephilm]

Originally posted by PeeDster
lets see you write something buddie.

I've posted like 5 of my songs on here. go dig them up

[tmlfan]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
those are almost as bad as the shit greg has come up with

and like proeuthanasia said, I as well doubt that you have had those experiences and probably have never been upset to even consider them, so for fucks sake don't write things that will be really offensive to some people when you yourself have never experienced them to begin with.

other than that, the song blew. what the fuck is up with all of these god damn emo songs. YOU ALL SAY THE SAME THING. I'm sad because you left me. wha wha wha. it has been said a million times before. but seriously go write for Brand New. this is exactly the type of trash they love to write songs to. stick to sucking off desperate guys and pounding them in their assholes with your enourmous snozz. brand new is better than that

[MaybeOneDay]

The lyrics to my songs sound like they'd be emo songs. but they aren't. they're usually upbeat punk songs sometimes leaning on the verge of pop punk.

[Patrick]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
those are almost as bad as the shit greg has come up with

and like proeuthanasia said, I as well doubt that you have had those experiences and probably have never been upset to even consider them, so for fucks sake don't write things that will be really offensive to some people when you yourself have never experienced them to begin with.

other than that, the song blew. what the fuck is up with all of these god damn emo songs. YOU ALL SAY THE SAME THING. I'm sad because you left me. wha wha wha. it has been said a million times before. but seriously go write for Brand New. this is exactly the type of trash they love to write songs to. stick to sucking off desperate guys and pounding them in their assholes with your enourmous snozz.
I thought you were off to HxC punk or somthing dip-fuck if someone wants to express feelings then let them you have no reason to bash you could say i dont like it, not you all suckk and gives us 40 reasons about it.

[kevin]

I think it's really good, like I told her before. But it will be kind of hard to put into song.

[ifeelused]

"Invited over to see my new creation
You wandered the halls like a ghost
"Where is it?" you whisper
Well love, look down, the canvas is my wrist"

that reminds me of boys night out "sketch artist composite"

[The Nephilm]

Originally posted by mrs.skibahaha
I thought you were off to HxC punk or somthing dip-fuck if someone wants to express feelings then let them you have no reason to bash you could say i dont like it, not you all suckk and gives us 40 reasons about it.

No. I won't let them. Sharing emotions is over-rated. The world would be a better place if these fucking pussy emotionally unstable people would just shut the hell up and stop bitching. Honestly, there is only a small percentage of the population that can like this utter crap. Why subject everyone else to it? Not everyone has deep seeded emotional issues like this fucking whore, and I for one do not need to waste me time clicking on links that take me to some unexperiences slut writing about slitting her wrists when we all know full well that she has never had anything happen in her wonderful life in suburbia that would ever make her consider doing something that drastic.

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by mrs.skibahaha
I thought you were off to HxC punk or somthing dip-fuck if



1) the correct way to write that would be "hXc"
2) are you even aware of from where that abbreviation originated? i doubt it.
3) if you did, you would know that it makes no sense to write it horizontally because the 'hardcore' is vertical in the sign, as by standard.
4) to hell with all of you trendy "oh i'm so fucking punk because i abbreviate words with x's" retards.
5) judging from previous posts of yours, i'd say you have no room to call anyone a dip-fuck. much less a person as rational and intelligent a poster as nephilm.
6) i don't like you much.

[the_champ_is_here]

Originally posted by proeuthanasia
1) the correct way to write that would be "hXc"
2) are you even aware of from where that abbreviation originated? i doubt it.
3) if you did, you would know that it makes no sense to write it horizontally because the 'hardcore' is vertical in the sign, as by standard.
4) to hell with all of you trendy "oh i'm so fucking punk because i abbreviate words with x's" retards.
5) judging from previous posts of yours, i'd say you have no room to call anyone a dip-fuck. much less a person as rational and intelligent a poster as nephilm.
6) i don't like you much.

i hate it when people quote him, because that defeats the purpose of me ignoring him.

[ifeelused]

Originally posted by Mikey
i hate it when people quote him, because that defeats the purpose of me ignoring him.

hah you put him on your ignore list i assume?

[the_champ_is_here]

him and that angie whore

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
No. I won't let them. Sharing emotions is over-rated. The world would be a better place if these fucking pussy emotionally unstable people would just shut the hell up and stop bitching. Honestly, there is only a small percentage of the population that can like this utter crap. Why subject everyone else to it? Not everyone has deep seeded emotional issues like this fucking whore, and I for one do not need to waste me time clicking on links that take me to some unexperiences slut writing about slitting her wrists when we all know full well that she has never had anything happen in her wonderful life in suburbia that would ever make her consider doing something that drastic.

i agree with all but two points. first, it's clear, by the way she writes, that this girl does not have any 'deep seeded emotional issues'...don't credit to her such an easy, undeserved excuse to be a bad writer. second, are you sure that the girl has a 'wonderful life in suburbia'? if you aren't..i'd suggest not using things like that to make a point, because it can come back and smack you in the face... and it not only takes away from the impact of your point, but also makes you look like an ass. other than these two things, i like you.

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by Mikey
i hate it when people quote him, because that defeats the purpose of me ignoring him.


i understand. but the "hXc" "sXe" thing pisses me off fucking terribly. i couldn't let it go.

[ifeelused]

Originally posted by Mikey
him and that angie whore

haha your the best. i have 2 people i could do that for.. drivetbsthru and that angie girl aswell

[The Nephilm]

Originally posted by proeuthanasia
i agree with all but two points. first, it's clear, by the way she writes, that this girl does not have any 'deep seeded emotional issues'...don't credit to her such an easy, undeserved excuse to be a bad writer. second, are you sure that the girl has a 'wonderful life in suburbia'? if you aren't..i'd suggest not using things like that to make a point, because it can come back and smack you in the face... and it not only takes away from the impact of your point, but also makes you look like an ass. other than these two things, i like you.

I don't know what happened to her, but I would bet my ass that the reason she wrote a song that has some definate underlying tones pertaining to suicide was over some guy who dumped her because his beer goggles wore off.

i know you are somewhat new here, and I hate this bitch with an unrivaled passion.

[scott]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
I don't know what happened to her, but I would bet my ass that the reason she wrote a song that has some definate underlying tones pertaining to suicide was over some guy who dumped her because his beer goggles wore off.

i know you are somewhat new here, and I hate this bitch with an unrivaled passion.


hahah oh cmon, you hate everyone.

[ifeelused]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
I don't know what happened to her, but I would bet my ass that the reason she wrote a song that has some definate underlying tones pertaining to suicide was over some guy who dumped her because his beer goggles wore off.

i know you are somewhat new here, and I hate this bitch with an unrivaled passion.

wow the "beer goggles" part is great