untamed memories shadowed by broken dreams..

[BuriedAlive]

well i was pretty bored so i wrote another song, im not so sure the title is right for the song. its took me like 5-10 minutes to write. i would like and suggestions or coments

as the blood falls from my eyes
i look at you, with your pathetic grin
the blood flow wont stop
cant find a way to overcome what has happened
i have began a new chapter
unknowing what i will go through
i start over not forgeting you
every night as the sun begins to set
and the moon begins to shine
i look to the stars, hoping for answers
but they never come, please tell me why?
unwilling to drown in my sorrow
overlooking what i need the most
and as my life is set ablaze
everyone stands around a stares
as the beauty of my life is in flames
as the flames begin to burn out
thus ends the book of my life
short, informative, yet lost without a cost
as i become an angel, i look down on you
wishing i was still there next to you

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
well i was pretty bored so i wrote another song, im not so sure the title is right for the song. its took me like 5-10 minutes to write. i would like and suggestions or coments

as the blood falls from my eyes
i look at you, with your pathetic grin
the blood flow wont stop
cant find a way to overcome what has happened
i have began a new chapter
unknowing what i will go through
i start over not forgeting you
every night as the sun begins to set
and the moon begins to shine
i look to the stars, hoping for answers
but they never come, please tell me why?
unwilling to drown in my sorrow
overlooking what i need the most
and as my life is set ablaze
everyone stands around a stares
as the beauty of my life is in flames
as the flames begin to burn out
thus ends the book of my life
short, informative, yet lost without a cost
as i become an angel, i look down on you
wishing i was still there next to you

some changes:

- 'as the blood RUNS from my eyes'
- 'i have begUn a new chapter'
- 'NOT knowing what i will go through'
- 'i start over UNABLE to forget you'
- lost without a cost?
- 'an angel, i look down on you'

sorry for the caps..let's you know what i changed. the song is good. doesn't flow as well as others i've seen you write, but i like what you're trying to say. i love your stuff, but i've noticed that you never really write about personal experiences...give that a shot. you'll see just how much the factor of a song being heartfelt, known firsthand, helps not only it's flow, but it's impact and just overall greatness. other than that, good job. keep it coming. you know i can't wait to see the next one;) :)

[**michelleV**]

so you voted yes on the title! thats great

[BuriedAlive]

most of this has happened, but i hide the true meaning of the song. they are blatant and smack you in the face. they are personal but i guess you cant find the meaning. i havent had time to make changes yet. but i will post after i make some changes.

[proeuthanasia]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
most of this has happened, but i hide the true meaning of the song. they are blatant and smack you in the face. they are personal but i guess you cant find the meaning. i havent had time to make changes yet. but i will post after i make some changes.

no dude, you're missing my point. i catch the fact that they have a meaning and that part of it is personal to you. but you're in a band..and if you sing these lyrics for a band, your audience is gonna go along with it and be like 'oh, alright..this guy's feeling this..' then the whole part about being an angel is going to throw them off and they're not going to realize that the song is still about you. do you understand what i mean? i think it'd be better if you threw out the last two lines. the song's good and they kind of take away from the whole effect and, as you mentioned, 'hidden meaning'.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by proeuthanasia
no dude, you're missing my point. i catch the fact that they have a meaning and that part of it is personal to you. but you're in a band..and if you sing these lyrics for a band, your audience is gonna go along with it and be like 'oh, alright..this guy's feeling this..' then the whole part about being an angel is going to throw them off and they're not going to realize that the song is still about you. do you understand what i mean? i think it'd be better if you threw out the last two lines. the song's good and they kind of take away from the whole effect and, as you mentioned, 'hidden meaning'. hes in a band ha ha... a guitarist and him tell her Chris.

[BuriedAlive]

no i dont get what you mean. the part about and angel sorta gives relief to the death. or thats what i thought.

[BuriedAlive]

hey the band has to be postponed till high school im too young to worry about that.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
hey the band has to be postponed till high school im too young to worry about that. yeah... 2 more weeks til high school kid!

[BuriedAlive]

ya and then my bands gonna rock and even everyone in cali will know my band from florida

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
ya and then my bands gonna rock and even everyone in cali will know my band from florida ha ha ha... you wish buddy!

[BuriedAlive]

no wishing is involved. im pretty sure it will happen. unless i lose my voice.

[**michelleV**]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
no wishing is involved. im pretty sure it will happen. unless i lose my voice. sure.... lets see some of your old songs!

[BuriedAlive]

any suggestions for this song?

[BuriedAlive]

bump

[BuriedAlive]

not the best but an older song for the newer faces.

[pUnkKid174]

the "and as my life is set ablaze...short, informative, yet lost without a cost" was my favourite part....great song...
ya and then my bands gonna rock and even everyone in cali will know my band from florida
you think that....lol would be neat if that did happen...go for it...

[BuriedAlive]

the "and as my life is set ablaze...short, informative, yet lost without a cost" was my favourite part....great song...

you think that....lol would be neat if that did happen...go for it...
hell ya. haha. thanks man.