Maximum Style

[Punker Than You]

I suggest you pay close attention to what I am about to tell you, because it could very well change your life. Without any further hoopla, I present THE OFFICIAL PUNK ROCK DESS CODE.
1. Baseball caps are nice. I own a total of five baseball caps myself and I often wear my Cubs cap or my USA: AMERICAN AND PROUD cap when I go out to pick up the mail or to stock of up Gatorade for the weekend. But I would no more wear a ball cap to a show than I would a fez. Ball caps have no fucking place in punk rock (though the sport of baseball itself has a very important place- I'll get to that some other time). So from here on in, anyone who wears a ball cap to a gig is a fucking jerk.
2. Baggy shorts have no place in punk rock. Baggy shorts are a product of the hip hop scene, and it's there they should remain. Nobody wants to see your turd-crusted butt crack and your piss-stained skivvies. Nobody is impressed by that stupid god damn chain on your wallet hanging down five feet like a pair of mittens your mother clipped to your parka. If you forget to bring this with you to your next gig, just remember this: Baggy Pants=DORK. NO EXCEPTIONS! (I also have strong feelings about baggy t-shirts. Baggy t-shirt wearers, however, are NOT necessarily dorks, because often times they have no choice in the matter; too many bands have succumbed to the pressure to only stock XL t-shirts in their vans, thus ensuring that the well meaning punks will end up LOOKING like dorks. Fuck any band who doesn't sell LARGE t-shirts as well as [or better yet, instead of] XL t-shirts.)
3. Backpacks. Backpacks are for shool or hiking trips. They are not for shows. Punk rock shows do not generally take place in the uncharted wilderness; there is no need for a backpack. They are aesthetically unpleasing, but worse, there is no PRACTICAL reason for wearing a backpack to a show; anything that can't fit into the pockets of your leather jacket is most likely unnecessary anyway. Which brings me to the most important segment of the PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE: what you SHOULD wear.
First of all and most important is this: If you think you're a punk and you don't own a leather jacket, you're not a punk. The whiniest of you are thinking to yourselves, WELL I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANNA BE CLASSIFIED AS A PUNK ANYWAYS. Shut up and go home. Real punks wear real leather jackets. Real punks wear real leather jackets WITHOUT stupid spikes or studs or patches or paintings or stickers or band names plastered all over them. If you're a punk, your leather jacket is adorned only by a few tastefully placed buttons on the lapels. Since we have to take differing climates into account, you can't be expected to wear a leather jacket EVERY time you go to a show. But if you don't wear your leather jacket at least 65% of the time when you go out, you're no punk.
Secondly footwear is more important than you may think. If you wear Doc Martens, you're not a punk. If you wear Doc Martens, you're a sucker. ANY other kind of boot is acceptable. As far as sneakers go, there is one and only acceptable brand and that is Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star hi-tops. Now I know that you already know that, but what you don't know is that punks DO NOT wear red converse, Christmas Converse, plaid Converse or any kind of converse except for black. Uh, that is until recently. After communicating with Stevie of the now defunct Devil Dogs AND learning that Samiam gets paid to wear black Converse at least 50% of their time on-stage, I've come to the realization that black C.T.'s have been co-opted by the mainstream and are now completely unacceptable. I KNOW what you're thinking. You're thinking, BUT, BUT, BUT ALL SORTS OF MAINSTREAM PEOPLE WEAR LEATHER JACKETS AND YOU SAID LEATHER JACKETS ARE THE UMBER ON PRIORITY OF THE PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE. Fuck you, I know what I said. The point is, leather jackets are not a SYMBOL of MAINSTREAM ALTERNATIVE PUNK. Black C.T.'s ARE.
Because this is such a recent development, there will be a grace period of three monts from this point during which you will not be considered a total fucking twit if spotted sporting black C.T.'s. But after that three monthsm your C.T.'s should be white. No other colors, not funky laces or writing on the shoesm just plain white. Don't even try to argue about it because I've gone over every argument in my own head. There is no other way.
You already know that baggy pants are for the birds. Aside from that, there's a decent amount of leeway in the PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE as far as pants gom though you're really better off sticking with blue or black jeans (LEVI'S ONLY! NO GAP, WRANGLER, TOUGHSKINS, JORDACHE, SERGIO or whatever the fuck else you might find).
And though you can wear just about any jacket during the 35% of the time when you'e not sporting your nifty leather UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should a punk be seen wearing a gas station jacket. Gas station jackets are for pussies. Gas station jackets are for guys with 20/20 vision who wear glasses anyways to impress the dimwitted emo chicks. The gas station jacket is the 90's version of the Nehru jacket and years from now, when you idiots look back at photos of yourselves in 2003 because your kids asked you if you ever did anything besides selling insurance, you will cringe.
That's it. For the one dumb fucker in Hungary who's flexing his fingers for a response, my PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE is only wishful thinking (though those of you who adhere to it will thank me later).
And lemme tell you something else about punks, punk. IF YOU DON'T THINK THE RAMONES WERE THE GREATEST BAND TO EVER WALK THE EARTH, YOU ARE NOT A PUNK. YOU ARE NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE. YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING IN A BAND, DOING A FANZINE, OR SHOWING YOUR SORRY FACE AT A GIG. IF YU PLACE ANY BAND ABOVE THE RAMONES, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. I WILL BE BUYING INSURANCE FROM YOU COME DECEMBER.

[bigweener]

after reading the first few lines, i said screw this, then stopped reading, and will now label you a n00b.

[wasted]

Originally posted by bigweener
after reading the first few lines, i said screw this, then stopped reading, and will now label you a n00b.

i didn't even read it. i just scrolled down, and then hit the back button.

[OldCrow912]

:mad: i read it and am now scarred for life
i now know the proper way to dress so i will get rid off all my old clothes and buy all the good things he mentioned;)

[theused_FSF]

i wonder if teppei teranishi is christ reincarnate

[steverocks33]

i read about half of it. it was funny. oh ya, the descendents were the greatest punk band to ever walk the earth.

[Punker Than You]

Originally posted by steverocks33
i read about half of it. it was funny. oh ya, the descendents were the greatest punk band to ever walk the earth.

poser.

[theused_FSF]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
poser.



i didnt realize people actually used that word

[Punker Than You]

Originally posted by theused_FSF
i didnt realize people actually used that word

your just bitter because I didn't name that faggity boy band the Used as the greatest band to ever walk to earth. your probably one of those bitches who wears the black C.T.'s.

[blaarg]

i would get a leather jacket, but they're too god damned expensive, so not buying one makes me more street punk

[Punker Than You]

Originally posted by blaarg
i would get a leather jacket, but they're too god damned expensive, so not buying one makes me more street punk

steal one. that's what a real punk would do. pussy.

[steverocks33]

since your clearly the god of punk, why are you wasting your time proving it to other people. wouldnt a true punk not care?

[OldCrow912]

punker than you, why must you use such profane language all the time. does it add to your punk-ness?

[theused_FSF]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
your just bitter because I didn't name that faggity boy band the Used as the greatest band to ever walk to earth. your probably one of those bitches who wears the black C.T.'s.



ohh ok

[Punker Than You]

Originally posted by OldCrow912
punker than you, why must you use such profane language all the time. does it add to your punk-ness?

I am terrible sorry to have offended you, good sir. I understand that my profane outbursts could be considered callous and disrespectful to members such as yourself, however in order to get my point across to certain members of this board I feel that it is necessary to use profane languade to emphasize my point.

So now that we understand each other, FUCK OFF.

[Punker Than You]

Originally posted by steverocks33
since your clearly the god of punk, why are you wasting your time proving it to other people. wouldnt a true punk not care?

Had you read my initial thread you would have read the line where I said that I had already thought of every possible argument against mine, and guess what shit brick, I thought of this one too, and I already answered it to myself. If you couldn't take the time to read my post, I won't take the time to give you the answer to your stupid rebuttle.

[blaarg]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
steal one. that's what a real punk would do. pussy.
but if a true punk believes anarchy is for the common good then by stealing one, it would prove otherwise, thus making me un-punk.

[OldCrow912]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
I am terrible sorry to have offended you, good sir. I understand that my profane outbursts could be considered callous and disrespectful to members such as yourself, however in order to get my point across to certain members of this board I feel that it is necessary to use profane languade to emphasize my point.

So now that we understand each other, FUCK OFF.

well, i am now crying thanks to you!
meanie!

[Ronin]

By definition, shouldn't "punk" have no rules?

Imagine someone telling Joey Ramone that tight jeans were no longer considered punk. He'd probably would have rambled something incoherent and slapped them.

edit: and considering you're probably 14 years old, i doubt you'll need to buy insurance

[torch]

Sorry "punker". But i'm not gonna dress the way some fucker tells me to because otherwise I'm not punk or cool. What are you doing telling us to do differently than carson daly tells kids to listen to? Sorry but the clothes don't make the man.

[kidinthecorner]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
steal one. that's what a real punk would do. pussy. Sigged. While I do think he/she, most likely he, is a douche, that was classic.

[torch]

LABELING PEOPLE IS FUN!

This kid must have just got out of his simple plan phase or something.

[twee]

i still dont understand why you have to continue to call people noobs. he happened to post something fairly true, then he gets fired upon with all kinds bullshit that dont make sense.
my question is whats up the noobs bullshit?

[bigweener]

Originally posted by twee
i still dont understand why you have to continue to call people noobs. he happened to post something fairly true, then he gets fired upon with all kinds bullshit that dont make sense.
my question is whats up the noobs bullshit?

sheesh, such a n00b

[wasted]

1)liking the sex pistols is so cliche. i refuse to take anyone from my generation seriously who likes them. and i'm sure you think sid vicious is a god. matter of fact, your whole first post was probably plaguerized from one of your late night conversations with mr. vicious by way of a ouigi board.

2)"punker" is not a word. it ranks right up there with "stupider." if you are a greater punk than i, you are "more punk than me."

3)you have officially been added to my ignore list, so no need to reply to this, because i won't be able to read it. actually, if you wish, you can reply, because no matter how harsh your insult is, i won't give a flying fuck, because i can't read it.

have a nice life.

[blaarg]

1) fuck you, the sex pistols are amazing

[wasted]

Originally posted by blaarg
1) fuck you, the sex pistols are amazing

i never said that they weren't. but it's amazing how some people think that liking them makes them the most punk human being on the earth.

[blaarg]

Originally posted by wasted
i never said that they weren't. but it's amazing how some people think that liking them makes them the most punk human being on the earth.

"i refuse to take anyone from my generation seriously who likes them." and just what year were you born? cuz well i was born in 88, and i'm assuming we're from the same generation.

[MaybeOneDay]

Originally posted by blaarg
"i refuse to take anyone from my generation seriously who likes them." and just what year were you born? cuz well i was born in 88, and i'm assuming we're from the same generation.

your only 15 ? holy shit...i imagined you as at least 18. wow im retarded.

[Ronin]

Originally posted by MaybeOneDay
your only 15 ? holy shit...i imagined you as at least 18. wow im retarded.

Ditto man, I was surprised

Blaarg is one cool 15 year old

[MaybeOneDay]

Originally posted by Ronin
Ditto man, I was surprised

Blaarg is one cool 15 year old

yeah dude, like my jaw dropped when i saw his post

deffinately a cool 15 year old

[The Nephilm]

Anyone that took this thread seriously is officially a fucking moron.

It's a piece Ben Weasel wrote for Maximum Rock and Roll back in 1995 with a few adjustments. IT IS A FUCKING JOKE.

This is just me stopping by, reminding 90% of the board that you need to start riding the short yellow bus.

[ms y o o n]

that was seroiusly the most disgusting thing i tried to read
but i didn't want to read the rest.
bahhh who cares what people dress like.
what if i think leather jackets are ugly
what if i think black c.t's are the ugliest things to wear on your feet. huh.. oh damn that just pulls me out of this world of punk! wahh

[Zack Attack]

Originally posted by blaarg
"i refuse to take anyone from my generation seriously who likes them." and just what year were you born? cuz well i was born in 88, and i'm assuming we're from the same generation.


is that song in your sig by an actual band?

[MaybeOneDay]

Hahaha, you guys thought this thread was a serious one.

I knew it was a joke from the beginning. Neph told me.

[wasted]

Originally posted by blaarg
"i refuse to take anyone from my generation seriously who likes them." and just what year were you born? cuz well i was born in 88, and i'm assuming we're from the same generation.

i'm not really sure where you're trying to go with this, you probably didn't understand my last post. which is entirely my fault, because i didn't explain myself thorougly.

i think that the sex pistols are amazing for what they did to the whole "punk movement," or whatever you choose to call it. but i don't like their music, and i choose not to listen to it.

and i refuse to take people seriously who, i guess you could say, flaunt it that they listen to the band. they think that they can get by with wearing their safety pins and "god save the queen" t-shirts, and really, that's about all they have going for them. maybe punker than you doesn't do that, but i've had my fair share of encounters with people who are like that, and i'm fed up.

i like you blaarg, i think you're an intelligent person, and if i've offended you or confused you i'm sorry. you like the sex pistols, good for you, even though i may have given off the impression of this, i am in no way judging you for that, because in many other ways you have shown that i can respect you. but this punker than you person has not.

now excuse me, i'm off to watch swing kids.

[Clarett'sGreyGoose]

Originally posted by The Nephilm
Anyone that took this thread seriously is officially a fucking moron.

It's a piece Ben Weasel wrote for Maximum Rock and Roll back in 1995 with a few adjustments. IT IS A FUCKING JOKE.

This is just me stopping by, reminding 90% of the board that you need to start riding the short yellow bus.

heh, this is the first time i've read thru this thread, i swear to christ. so i can safely say: Neph fucking pwned you!!!

yea, and holy hell Joe!! you're only 15? Did you spread the Miracle-Gro on your face or something?!

[wasted]

Originally posted by MaybeOneDay
Hahaha, you guys thought this thread was a serious one.

I knew it was a joke from the beginning. Neph told me.

well if that's true, haha.

[MaybeOneDay]

Originally posted by wasted
well if that's true, haha.

oh.its true

[kidinthecorner]

Originally posted by wasted
now excuse me, i'm off to watch swing kids. If that's the movie I'm thinking of, that movie rocks! Is it the one where at the end the kid goes "Swing heil!" ?

[Punker Than You]

Originally posted by PlaysWithFire
heh, this is the first time i've read thru this thread, i swear to christ. so i can safely say: Neph fucking pwned you!!!

yea, and holy hell Joe!! you're only 15? Did you spread the Miracle-Gro on your face or something?!

How the fuck did people not realize it was a joke. The piece is practically swimming in sarcasm. My god...

[MaybeOneDay]

some people here take things too seriously......

[Ronin]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
How the fuck did people not realize it was a joke. The piece is practically swimming in sarcasm. My god...

Probably because there are posts like this every day, and they're serious.

Though I really should have known better, you used proper grammar.

Good job dude

[sigh]

i cant believe ppl took that post serioulsy. Anyways, u know what would be really funny, if someone made a short movie of the avatars of a "punk" god, a "rap" god and a "pop" god plus all other forusm of music... (e.g. country, r&b, emo(hah thad be funny), ska, etc.) and they duked it out. Lastly, i think nephs a funny guy.

[papathomas]

This is the worst day in the history of the forums in posting.

[blaarg]

Originally posted by Zack Attack
is that song in your sig by an actual band?
well... technically yes. my band was covering "reagan youth" too often, and we never really knew the lyrics too well to begin with, so i started ad libbing about how every punk band that comes out these days is just trying to be nofx, and how they all sound the same

[FishAlotNBePunk]

Originally posted by Punker Than You
I suggest you pay close attention to what I am about to tell you, because it could very well change your life. Without any further hoopla, I present THE OFFICIAL PUNK ROCK DESS CODE.
1. Baseball caps are nice. I own a total of five baseball caps myself and I often wear my Cubs cap or my USA: AMERICAN AND PROUD cap when I go out to pick up the mail or to stock of up Gatorade for the weekend. But I would no more wear a ball cap to a show than I would a fez. Ball caps have no fucking place in punk rock (though the sport of baseball itself has a very important place- I'll get to that some other time). So from here on in, anyone who wears a ball cap to a gig is a fucking jerk.
2. Baggy shorts have no place in punk rock. Baggy shorts are a product of the hip hop scene, and it's there they should remain. Nobody wants to see your turd-crusted butt crack and your piss-stained skivvies. Nobody is impressed by that stupid god damn chain on your wallet hanging down five feet like a pair of mittens your mother clipped to your parka. If you forget to bring this with you to your next gig, just remember this: Baggy Pants=DORK. NO EXCEPTIONS! (I also have strong feelings about baggy t-shirts. Baggy t-shirt wearers, however, are NOT necessarily dorks, because often times they have no choice in the matter; too many bands have succumbed to the pressure to only stock XL t-shirts in their vans, thus ensuring that the well meaning punks will end up LOOKING like dorks. Fuck any band who doesn't sell LARGE t-shirts as well as [or better yet, instead of] XL t-shirts.)
3. Backpacks. Backpacks are for shool or hiking trips. They are not for shows. Punk rock shows do not generally take place in the uncharted wilderness; there is no need for a backpack. They are aesthetically unpleasing, but worse, there is no PRACTICAL reason for wearing a backpack to a show; anything that can't fit into the pockets of your leather jacket is most likely unnecessary anyway. Which brings me to the most important segment of the PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE: what you SHOULD wear.
First of all and most important is this: If you think you're a punk and you don't own a leather jacket, you're not a punk. The whiniest of you are thinking to yourselves, WELL I DON'T CARE. I DON'T WANNA BE CLASSIFIED AS A PUNK ANYWAYS. Shut up and go home. Real punks wear real leather jackets. Real punks wear real leather jackets WITHOUT stupid spikes or studs or patches or paintings or stickers or band names plastered all over them. If you're a punk, your leather jacket is adorned only by a few tastefully placed buttons on the lapels. Since we have to take differing climates into account, you can't be expected to wear a leather jacket EVERY time you go to a show. But if you don't wear your leather jacket at least 65% of the time when you go out, you're no punk.
Secondly footwear is more important than you may think. If you wear Doc Martens, you're not a punk. If you wear Doc Martens, you're a sucker. ANY other kind of boot is acceptable. As far as sneakers go, there is one and only acceptable brand and that is Chuck Taylor Converse All-Star hi-tops. Now I know that you already know that, but what you don't know is that punks DO NOT wear red converse, Christmas Converse, plaid Converse or any kind of converse except for black. Uh, that is until recently. After communicating with Stevie of the now defunct Devil Dogs AND learning that Samiam gets paid to wear black Converse at least 50% of their time on-stage, I've come to the realization that black C.T.'s have been co-opted by the mainstream and are now completely unacceptable. I KNOW what you're thinking. You're thinking, BUT, BUT, BUT ALL SORTS OF MAINSTREAM PEOPLE WEAR LEATHER JACKETS AND YOU SAID LEATHER JACKETS ARE THE UMBER ON PRIORITY OF THE PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE. Fuck you, I know what I said. The point is, leather jackets are not a SYMBOL of MAINSTREAM ALTERNATIVE PUNK. Black C.T.'s ARE.
Because this is such a recent development, there will be a grace period of three monts from this point during which you will not be considered a total fucking twit if spotted sporting black C.T.'s. But after that three monthsm your C.T.'s should be white. No other colors, not funky laces or writing on the shoesm just plain white. Don't even try to argue about it because I've gone over every argument in my own head. There is no other way.
You already know that baggy pants are for the birds. Aside from that, there's a decent amount of leeway in the PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE as far as pants gom though you're really better off sticking with blue or black jeans (LEVI'S ONLY! NO GAP, WRANGLER, TOUGHSKINS, JORDACHE, SERGIO or whatever the fuck else you might find).
And though you can wear just about any jacket during the 35% of the time when you'e not sporting your nifty leather UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should a punk be seen wearing a gas station jacket. Gas station jackets are for pussies. Gas station jackets are for guys with 20/20 vision who wear glasses anyways to impress the dimwitted emo chicks. The gas station jacket is the 90's version of the Nehru jacket and years from now, when you idiots look back at photos of yourselves in 2003 because your kids asked you if you ever did anything besides selling insurance, you will cringe.
That's it. For the one dumb fucker in Hungary who's flexing his fingers for a response, my PUNK ROCK DRESS CODE is only wishful thinking (though those of you who adhere to it will thank me later).
And lemme tell you something else about punks, punk. IF YOU DON'T THINK THE RAMONES WERE THE GREATEST BAND TO EVER WALK THE EARTH, YOU ARE NOT A PUNK. YOU ARE NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE. YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS BEING IN A BAND, DOING A FANZINE, OR SHOWING YOUR SORRY FACE AT A GIG. IF YU PLACE ANY BAND ABOVE THE RAMONES, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. I WILL BE BUYING INSURANCE FROM YOU COME DECEMBER.

Ben Weasel of Screeching weasel wrote that, not this loser.

[proeuthanasia]

blaarg: i was born in 87. you were born in 88. this means we have 2 years to have sex before it becomes illegal for me to fuck you. i say we stop wasting time.

[blaarg]

for everyone who asked... yes i am 15, and yes i am cool. and no, i haven't used myracle grow on my face... yet

[blaarg]

Originally posted by proeuthanasia
blaarg: i was born in 87. you were born in 88. this means we have 2 years to have sex before it becomes illegal for me to fuck you. i say we stop wasting time.
2 years?!?! thats almost.... 30 days! we've got no time to spare

[proeuthanasia]

great, let's get started

[MaybeOneDay]

Originally posted by FishAlotNBePunk
Ben Weasel of Screeching weasel wrote that, not this loser.

haha seth is was a joke...that was neph who posted that. take it easy. all in good fun.

[sigh]

it WAS neph? wow.

[The Nephilm]

Originally posted by FishAlotNBePunk
Ben Weasel of Screeching weasel wrote that, not this loser.

that was me you tard. if i had done it under my name, people would have actually listened to it, and I wouldn't want to alter the lives of so many people in such a drastic manner.

[papathomas]

I wouldn't have read it. I am lazy when it comes to reading shit on the internet.