Amelia Earhart To Jacque Custo In 20 Seconds Flat

[Rufio217]

Story Behind The Song: Met a cool girl, who happens to live in mexico. Had a dream about flying down to visit her, and the plane crashed in the gulf, and it's about giving it all just to get to her...






So the waters cold
But your a worthwhile cause
To fight for life
I'm not ready to die tonight
Because I haven't seen you smile

A phone call from
20,000 feet and falling fast
To tell you that I love you
And I'll be home late
So leave the light on

Seatbelts are no safety
The oxygen mask is useless in breathing
20,000 leagues under the sea
We just flew by titanic
I didn't know diving lessons came for free

The pilots drunk and drowned
No one else, can be found
So I'll swim for hours
To see your smile
It will be the light house
To guide me home
But for now I must go
I'm on a crash course with Atlantis

So this is my last goodbye
Till I see you tonight
This is my last goodbye
Till I see you next time
This is my last goodbye
Will I see you next time?

A phone call from
20,000 feet and falling fast
To tell you that I love you
And I'll be home late
So leave the light on...
Leave the light on for me

This is a phone call
from 20,000 feet and falling fast
So make a wish as I fall
And know it's not a star your wishing on...

[BuriedAlive]

damn. thats a good song. it goes together well. i liked it alot.

[Rufio217]

Thanks alot bro...anything that you or anyone else thinks is kinda needs tweaking on the song?

[bleedperfection]

Not really a theme i like but crazy good song over all!

[Rufio217]

PLease Reply, I like this song, but I want to know what you guys thought

[wewin]

grammar in bold, your writing in italics, mine in plain text.

So the water's cold
But you're a worthwhile cause
To fight for life
I'm not ready to die tonight
Because I haven't seen you smile

this stanza...not much to say. introduction, sets the stage for the theme of dying in quest of another.


A phone call from
20,000 feet and falling fast
To tell you that I love you
And I'll be home late
So leave the light on

The last two lines don't make sense in the context you've given, because you and the girl don't live together and you know you're going to die.

Seatbelts are no safety
The oxygen mask is useless in breathing
20,000 leagues under the sea
We just flew by Titanic
I didn't know diving lessons came for free

"Seatbelts are no safety" -- awkward. detracts from the rest of the stanza.

"the oxygen mask is useless in breathing" -- the grammar is kinda fucked up. you could reword it and make it better.
like, 'oxygen masks are useless FOR breathing'.

Don't say "flew by titanic". say "dove" or "sank" because it fits the underwater theme better.

The last line is bad. It strikes me as a failed attempt at being clever, and it doesn't work so well.

i realized that i don't have much to say. it doesn't seem as though there is much to criticize: it's like the bare bones of the song. there's no description or interesting wordplay, nothing to make it catchy or particularly memorable except for the title (which i kinda like). I think that if you put more interesting language in the song would be better. it's like you just wrote "i crashed in the ocean" instead of "i crashed into the deep ocean" (that's a terrible example.) You don't have anything in the song to make it stand out.

That's all.

[Rufio217]

Originally posted by wewin
grammar in bold, your writing in italics, mine in plain text.

So the water's cold
But you're a worthwhile cause
To fight for life
I'm not ready to die tonight
Because I haven't seen you smile

this stanza...not much to say. introduction, sets the stage for the theme of dying in quest of another.


A phone call from
20,000 feet and falling fast
To tell you that I love you
And I'll be home late
So leave the light on

The last two lines don't make sense in the context you've given, because you and the girl don't live together and you know you're going to die.

Seatbelts are no safety
The oxygen mask is useless in breathing
20,000 leagues under the sea
We just flew by Titanic
I didn't know diving lessons came for free

"Seatbelts are no safety" -- awkward. detracts from the rest of the stanza.

"the oxygen mask is useless in breathing" -- the grammar is kinda fucked up. you could reword it and make it better.
like, 'oxygen masks are useless FOR breathing'.

Don't say "flew by titanic". say "dove" or "sank" because it fits the underwater theme better.

The last line is bad. It strikes me as a failed attempt at being clever, and it doesn't work so well.

i realized that i don't have much to say. it doesn't seem as though there is much to criticize: it's like the bare bones of the song. there's no description or interesting wordplay, nothing to make it catchy or particularly memorable except for the title (which i kinda like). I think that if you put more interesting language in the song would be better. it's like you just wrote "i crashed in the ocean" instead of "i crashed into the deep ocean" (that's a terrible example.) You don't have anything in the song to make it stand out.

That's all.


first stanza isn't suppose to set theme of dying...."i'm not ready to die tonight because i ahve seen you smile" i wrote this thinking that i won't die until i at least see you smile

as far as not living togetehr i see your point, but i just thought about visiting her so her home was my home fo rteh time being

I'd agree about the seatbelts though, but because stating that "seatbelts are no safety leads you to think of death, when death is the opposite of what i was trying for which is a fight to see her once last time.

yeah the grammar is messed on teh oxygen part, but for doesn't click quite right "for breathing 20,000 leagues under teh see" ya see what i mean?

True, true on the flew by teh titanic, but i was thinking plane flying, but it should probably be sinking or something. AS for the last line, i was just thinking that ya know she would be waiting for me, and seeing a shooting star she'd wish 'd get there safely b/c she knew i was in trouble, but then realize that it's the plane crashing and not a star.

I understadn the ocean/deep ocean comparison though, but i kinda liked the "bare bone structure" i didn't want a broaad use of large vocabulary, just somethign imple and easy...

All in all it was suppose to be an upperbeat song about finally getting teh the girl, but i never got to that part i kinda cut it off to make it look as though i die...

[wadejunkie]

i give it an A, and i have no suggestions

[Rufio217]

Alright, thanks for the "A"

[xcountryqt09]

" So make a wish as I fall
And know it's not a star your wishing on..." - I like this, and the whole "barebones structure" - it leaves more for the imagination and to be infered about the song. It kinda makes it easier for the reader to relate to. The image of the last line I get is her "star" / lover is falling - kinda like part of her world is falling. some of the grammer is really bold or just lacking all together, but overall I like it.

[Rufio217]

BUMP....anybody else?