Can't hear you breathe

[lifelesslove]

Can’t Hear you Breathe

The words like doors, they keep us apart, and the beat like a drum, the heart never stops...and the wings that will fold, and fall to the ground, will make us all one.

Tiny things like this should never stall a tongue,
But now you decay, and I wear out my welcome.
Page over page (over page) of these notes that I write,
Capitalize on your ignorant rites…

This knife of the beauty, will impair all the souls,
That made me an outcast, blurred my control.
Shine in the twilights, and fall from the skies, and I never meant to do this…
Never meant to do this.

You never saw my eyes like this, they dazzle and impair, the fragrance of our upset beauty, it’s cold just like these stares….and I won’t hear you breathe, and I can’t hear you breathe, as you choke on these lies…flawless compassion only seeks to fracture the time.

Walk down solid stairs, as I flee from the scene, the sirens will impair, the sirens will find me. And you screamed for this, a cold and dark horizon, where we couldn’t find ourselves…I took your love…and your now a cold dark interior(that’s it, that’s it)

Multiply the angels, but it’s still straight towards your heart…
Funny how these words can make a love, then seamless(TEAR APART)
The shine that shared our frames, now dulls out in the light… ( you were a work of art, and just to artsy)

*You never saw my eyes like this, they dazzle and impair, the fragrance of our upset beauty, is cold just like these stares…and I won’t hear your breath, and I can’t hear you breathe,as I choke on these lies, flawless compassion only seeks to fracture my time…

*Frame our love of seconds, to please this mechanical eye ( the camera that would tell the lies, the camera with it’s hope disguised), a beautiful break to control, as I murder the path ahead…a killer in my mind, a killer for your time

[BuriedAlive]

i liked most of it. why dont you get more posts.

[wewin]

Can’t Hear you Breathe

The words like doors, they keep us apart, and the beat like a drum, the heart never stops...and the wings that will fold, and fall to the ground, will make us all one.

Tiny things like this should never stall a tongue,
But now you decay, and I wear out my welcome.
Page over page (over page) of these notes that I write,
Capitalize on your ignorant rites…

This knife of the beauty, will impair all the souls,
That made me an outcast, blurred my control.
Shine in the twilights, and fall from the skies, and I never meant to do this…
Never meant to do this.

You never saw my eyes like this, they dazzle and impair, the fragrance of our upset beauty, it’s cold just like these stares….and I won’t hear you breathe, and I can’t hear you breathe, as you choke on these lies…flawless compassion only seeks to fracture the time.

Walk down solid stairs, as I flee from the scene, the sirens will impair, the sirens will find me. And you screamed for this, a cold and dark horizon, where we couldn’t find ourselves…I took your love…and your now a cold dark interior(that’s it, that’s it)

Multiply the angels, but it’s still straight towards your heart…
Funny how these words can make a love, then seamless(TEAR APART)
The shine that shared our frames, now dulls out in the light… ( you were a work of art, and just to artsy)

*You never saw my eyes like this, they dazzle and impair, the fragrance of our upset beauty, is cold just like these stares…and I won’t hear your breath, and I can’t hear you breathe,as I choke on these lies, flawless compassion only seeks to fracture my time…

*Frame our love of seconds, to please this mechanical eye ( the camera that would tell the lies, the camera with it’s hope disguised), a beautiful break to control, as I murder the path ahead…a killer in my mind, a killer for your time

[wewin]

Can’t Hear you Breathe bad title. typical title for an atypical song=badness.

other than that, i don't know what to say. i just don't get what you're trying to say. none of the wordplay was interesting enough for me to remember, nothing particularly stuck out.

as with most things you write, it doesn't seem that there is a unifying theme, exactly. this song seems to have no direction, no story, no glue to keep it together. at the end i'm left with an impression of rather vague and intangible despair/sorrow/confusion, and that is all.

a few themes you touch on that i found:
-miscommunication (the words...apart), the second stanza
-accidents (i never meant to do this)
-betrayal of another(?) (i can't hear you breathe as you choke on these lies)
-getting what you wanted--in a BAD way (and you screamed for this...)

i picked up on those, and maybe i misinterpreted them. anyway, that's ALL i could gather from your song. I just don't get it.

this song doesn't seem to have any meaning when read. most songs tell a story, and it's fine if yours doesn't, but until i know what you're trying to say or do, i can't really judge this.


it's not good, it's not bad, it just makes me scratch my head.

[lifelesslove]

yeah, i know it seems rather juggled, and not really a centered theme, but i don't think that me building a typical theme would work with what was running through my head. Lately, alot of the writing has not been about love, and this has more of a meaning then just a betrayal of the love two people can share. It just seems pretty skin and bones right now, i'm going to rough it, but it's all in the eyes of the creator. I gave it too someone from a band that's pretty big around here, and he got a meaning, and just reading I don't see one. I've won alot of poetry contests, and I think the differences found between a piece of poetry and lyrics is the portrayal of a message. Poetry can be bare, and still have a common theme, or not have one, and still be good. Thanks for the comments wewin, it must take alot to actually not tell people that their writing is good to make them happy. I'm sure reading your stuff doesn't always inspire good thoughts, or i see something that needs fixing, and I don't have the "balls" to tell people how to fix there stuff. After reading your thoughts, and getting what I should fix, i'm going to be more critical about the writing I read. On to the new works, and yes i know the song title is bad, and I really need to fix it, along with the cached theme....thanks guys, post more critical stuff about my writing....long post...bye