This isn't as deep...

[Iamhome]

This is something i've been working on.

It's about fucking up with drugs... Going to jail... and paying consequences. It's not as deep as it will be, but it's in the works..

Confusion sets in
but I am still trying, denying everything I know is right, lets not begin
My head rests on the table, and theres no one that is able,
to save me from this,
I have to let them win...

But this boy can change,
and boys become men,
we all make mistakes,
and wash away our sins...

Please call my name,
please tell me i'm fine
please don't keep me here,
this can't be my life,
this can't be my life....

[villevalo1666]

I like this.

Alot!! =]

A few things:

1. I've always been told on AP that you don't need to explain so much background about your poems. It takes from the poetry, and we think less about the meaning of it, so then it becomes less deep than it really can be.

2. On lines such as :

,lets not begin

I would add a "but" before "let's not begin", just because in my opinion it gives a little more to the line, and I would make it it's own line in the stanza.

Crap. My momma just came in. I had just a little more critiquing to do but i have to go now.