PDA

View Full Version : song lyrics


xidreamofyou32x
03/10/07, 12:34 AM
Because the other one I posted was so popular, here's something else I wrote:

“The Words She Said”

In a little park on a sunny day
Two people walk down a chapel hallway
They were both so young
Two crazy kids in love
No one thought they would last very long
But there they stood, out to prove the nonbelievers wrong
They sealed their vows with a kiss and a ring
Neither knowing what the further would bring

For years they struggled to get by each day
Barely able to get the bills paid
But they had their love to get them through
Atleast they thought that was true
Then one day he came home from work and found the note
And he tearfully read the last words she wrote

You’ve touched my life in more ways then I thought a person could
You believed in us when no one else would
You were by my side even when things got rough
But sometimes even true love is not enough
This world is just so harsh and cold
Someday you’ll understand why I had to go

Time went on but the pain stayed the same
To him it felt like the end had came
He tried to put the past behind
But the words she said kept going through his mind

You’ve touched my life in more ways then I thought a person could
You believed in us when no one else would
You were by my side even when things got rough
But sometimes even true love is not enough
This world is just so harsh and cold
Someday you’ll understand why I had to go

In a little park on a sunny day
An old man walks to a forgotten grave
He kneels down and drops his head
And engraved in stone were the words that read

You’ve touched my life in more ways then I thought a person could
You believed in us when no one else would
You were by my side even when things got rough
But sometimes even true love is not enough
This world is just so harsh and cold
Someday you’ll understand why I had to go


Go ahead, bash away :)

a speedo model
03/17/07, 10:33 PM
This isn't bad. Here are the problems with it: 1) it's simple, while that's not always a bad thing you don't want to be overly simple. 2) The rhyming is consistent which is good but at times it feels forced. You shouldn't feel the need to stick to a rhyme pattern. Or if you do, don't settle for anything. If that makes sense.

Keep it up.

CellarGhosts
03/18/07, 06:14 PM
What Josiah said ^^
To quote Jim Carrey in the Cable Guy, simplicity "can be your best friend...or your worst enemy". hahaha. But keep it up. I can definatley see you improving, as this did tell a nice, albeit sad story. But that's not a bad thing at all. So yeah, good job.

xidreamofyou32x
03/19/07, 11:34 PM
Thanks for the feedback, I'll definitely work on it :)