You're My Distant Shore

[liveloud4life]

I'd swim the ocean for this girl
And that's just what this might be.
Resilient faith I've for this girl.
A belief to span this sea.

A name, a voice cuts through the sound.
A splintered hope cries in rebound.
An image veiled, a vision failed.
Come and find me, set my sight free.

So trim the sails.
Shove off, shove off and batton the hatches.
Tooth and nail.
We're setting on our way where my sight attaches
To your eyes.
Face to face and holding you gently.
Realize
That this is the way your voice it has sent me.





Last couple times I posted songs, I got a lot of the same comment: that my rhymes sounded forced and that I tried to do it too much. So I was gonna try work on it on my next song, but I'd already written this one. But when I looked at it, it's really a lot less forced and a lot more original rhyme scheme, even though it still rhymes a lot. So tell me what you think.

[lew_1987]

you have some good ideas on this. here are the lines that i think are the best: "A belief to span this sea.", and the whole second stanza. the last stanza is the weakest. i dont think the rhyming is that forced, although it does seem it slightly in the last verse.

[drummer1400]

Your lyrics suck. I hate you. No one likes you. You have no friends.

[llwilliamsll]

wow...what a fucking douche

[liveloud4life]

Nah, I know him. He's in my band and he's just jealous cause he can't ever write any lyrics good enough for us to play. I'm just kinda mad cause I got all excited that I had TWO new posts, but neither were actually about the song. Lol.

[a speedo model]

I like it, nothing really stood out to be as needing to be fixed. Very solid, in my opinion.