Flames are tamed by anger issues

[as_we_learn]

Destruction's mine middle name
even though I'm a novice
at breaking certain things
Take a breath with me
and nod your isolated heads

I'm screaming in your ears
Blood from a brand new heart
has learned to clog with different tissues
The issue on the stand shows
the same depressed kind of man

Riding on the wings desire
There's a large chance for turbulance
and another feather has hit me
with ideas of burning buildings

I'm screaming in your ears
Blood from a brand new heart
has learned to clog with different tissues
The issue on the stand shows
the same depressed kind of man

Over the hills of conviction
with sins written on the their spines
The heat from the flame
is tamed by those with anger issues

[as_we_learn]

bump?

[CellarGhosts]

Well, I liked the piece itself. Nothing amazing, but it was an enjoyable read. I can kind of see this working out as a nice little song, too. I'd say though that the part that needs the most work is the third stanza. And the title....eh, I dunno...something about it...I know you can't change thread titles, but If you ever revise/repost this or record it, I'd change the title, but that's up to you.

[as_we_learn]

yea man i do agree with the third stanza. i'll revise and thanks for reading man. as for the title i'm not sure what to do with haha . i only put that because of the last line

[thecurerocks182]

Destruction's my middle name
even though I'm a novice
at breaking certain things. <--- try to be a little more original and less an emo stereotype.
Take a breath with me
and nod your isolated heads. <---Why isolated heads? I'm just curious as to what your intentions were.

I'm screaming in your ears. <---remember punctuation is both your friend and your enemy. This lack of punctuation caused a lot of bewilderment at first.
Blood from a brand new heart
has learned to clog with different tissues. <---the epitome of emo
The issue on the stand shows <What issue are you referring to?
the same depressed kind of man.

Riding on the wings of desire
There is a great chance for turbulence
As another feather has struck me <---"hit" seems a little premature whereas struck emphasizes the act... a feather in which strikes you how?
with ideas of burning buildings. Imagination is a useful tool. Do not succumb to every platitude that exists in this genre. Also, as already stated this stanza needs much work.

I'm screaming in your ears <I'm assuming this is the chorus.
Blood from a brand new heart
has learned to clog with different tissues
The issue on the stand shows
the same depressed kind of man

Over the hills of conviction
with sins written on the their spines
The heat from the flame
is tamed by those with anger issues
I think your problems are punctuation, coherency, and conciseness. A lot of this piece was cliche and lacking creatively, but the problems I suggested are what really make the reading difficult. Some of what you say makes no sense and you seem to astray from the general concept of the piece. Anyways, I hoped that helped someone. Good luck!

PS - please, check out my song/thread. Add me if you have myspace. Thanks.

[as_we_learn]

thanks for your time to read and criticism. i would check your song out but i have dial-up. im a poor bastard. i tried to listen before but i dial-up just not fast enough. i'll try again, but just from the lyrics of your song i like it. i'll see if i could listen to some other way. SCREW DIAL-UP. thanks again

[thecurerocks182]

thanks for your time to read and criticism. i would check your song out but i have dial-up. im a poor bastard. i tried to listen before but i dial-up just not fast enough. i'll try again, but just from the lyrics of your song i like it. i'll see if i could listen to some other way. SCREW DIAL-UP. thanks again
Well, if you are interested I can post it on sendspace at low quality for you to download. I don't mean to sound desperate lol. Anyways, I'm glad to have offered the criticism as March Break has allowed for time to myself, which is usually taken up by school and my girlfriend. I try to comment as often as possible, but it gets difficult at times.

[as_we_learn]

Well, if you are interested I can post it on sendspace at low quality for you to download. I don't mean to sound desperate lol. Anyways, I'm glad to have offered the criticism as March Break has allowed for time to myself, which is usually taken up by school and my girlfriend. I try to comment as often as possible, but it gets difficult at times.
no prob man. yea i would be interested downloading man. no you don't sound desperate more anxious. hell i would be too if could have a song. i just don't have any equipment other than the mic in my mp3. i keep awful recordings in their and i would definitely like to download your song.

[thecurerocks182]

I am very anxious lol. You should post some of your own...just to get people to hear it and so you can receive criticism. I love criticism! I don't really have any equipment me either except for Cubase that I was able to download. Anyways, here is a link to it http://www.sendspace.com/file/5z9bt0 ... it is near the bottom of the page.

[as_we_learn]

i would post my recordings but they are from i was worse than i am now. i've written some things down that would like to record and share but the mic on my mp3 isn't working right. there is just this static when i replay it. anyways man your song is pretty good. i like the instruments alot, but the vocals i couldn't get into. man i feel like a dick sorry.

[thecurerocks182]

i would post my recordings but they are from i was worse than i am now. i've written some things down that would like to record and share but the mic on my mp3 isn't working right. there is just this static when i replay it. anyways man your song is pretty good. i like the instruments alot, but the vocals i couldn't get into. man i feel like a dick sorry.
I understand completely as the consensus of people believe my vocals are not that great, and I'm one of them who think that. Still, if I didn't record my vocals then all people would hear is simply the instrumental so it is crucial that the listener is able to listen to a finished product in order to form an opinion.

Anyways, thanks for taking the time to listen...it is greatly appreciated. Also, for $15 dollars you can probably go to an electronic store and purchase a decent microphone. Good luck!

[XxIronistxX]

I like this one but its not my favorite. What I love about everything i read of yours is that each song has its own thing going on and is very visual. Keep up the good work.

~Amber

[as_we_learn]

I like this one but its not my favorite. What I love about everything i read of yours is that each song has its own thing going on and is very visual. Keep up the good work.

~Amber
thanks amber i'll try to make some thing like my usual work. i would love to see some of your work soon so i'll be on the look out. thanks for reading

[XxIronistxX]

You're welcome. I enjoy your stuff. I'll try to get some of mine on here but it gets lost in my head, i tend to not write things down and just sing whatever comes to mind when i play piano.

[as_we_learn]

cool looking forward to some of your work