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View Full Version : Slackjawed, Part One

CellarGhosts
03/12/07, 07:25 PM
Yes, this is a song, not a poem, although I don't specify chourses, bridges, etc, since I wrote music to this, and it really dosen't have a chours or whatever. Verses, yes, but I don't really care for labeling sections of a song unless I have to...or something...I dunno...nevermind...
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Slackjawed, Part 1

We're right as rain on a cool midwestern night
Once-hollow hearts blowing smoke through open doors
I never thought I'd end up in your arms
Guess I dreamed this night into existence
Photographs locked up in cobwebbed spaces
I've found a brand new way to shed all these false faces

Remembering all the words you spoke
It all seems so long ago now
What a great way to lose track of time
What a great way to lose yourself in regret and rhyme
So lock up the attic and shut off the lights
Lock up the cellar, and stagger into the night

I got these sidewalks and streetlights on my side, and
Fences holding conversations with the stoplights and parking lots
With a song in my heart and a smile tugging at my lips
I watch these hopes and dreams crumple to the ground where the garbage all rots

So tonight it's all about how I wish you knew how I felt
Wish I could paint these stirring sensations and certain feelings out for you
Across the selfish sky, with color in each constellation
Watch as the realization slowly crept into your glistening eyes
After all this wayward stuttering, it should come as no surprise
My sweetest friend, come take a walk with me
Stroll along side the canal,
Watch the gondolas all float carelessly along beneath the streaming lights...

...And I'm a permanent fixture in the windowpanes and the gutters
I'm a ghost wandering in the phonelines and the shutters...
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To be continued... ? ...
as_we_learn
03/12/07, 07:30 PM
sweet man i like it it. i like the story it tells for sure. the imagery in your work is what always impresses me. i can't for wait the continuation man. i'm gonna be like woot woot when the rest is here. hahaha. again well done
CellarGhosts
03/12/07, 07:37 PM
sweet man i like it it. i like the story it tells for sure. the imagery in your work is what always impresses me. i can't for wait the continuation man. i'm gonna be like woot woot when it is done hahaha. again well done
Thank you very much, dude! haha...I'm glad you dig the imagery. I like it too, but it often hinders my ability to get the actual story/point across, so hopefully this piece was a step in the direction towards a good balance between imagery and story.

And yes, the continuation should be up soon. I thank you for you woot woot in advance haha
So, again, thanks.
as_we_learn
03/12/07, 07:39 PM
Thank you very much, dude! haha...I'm glad you dig the imagery. I like it too, but it often hinders my ability to get the actual story/point across, so hopefully this piece was a step in the direction towards a good balance between imagery and story.

And yes, the continuation should be up soon. I thank you for you woot woot in advance haha
So, again, thanks.
no prob. sweet i can't wait to woot woot when i read it
CellarGhosts
03/12/07, 08:04 PM
Haha, cool. Thanks man.
ArTkY_
03/12/07, 08:31 PM
Great job dude. You're better and better each time.
CellarGhosts
03/13/07, 06:09 AM
Great job dude. You're better and better each time.
Thank you very much, Tariq
takingshots
03/13/07, 06:59 AM
fantastic, i particularly liked the last two lines!
CellarGhosts
03/13/07, 11:22 AM
fantastic, i particularly liked the last two lines!
Thank you very much!
lew_1987
03/13/07, 03:13 PM
this tells a really good story. i'll look forward to reading more. i loved the last lines too. i usually think that your work is an overdose of imagery, obviously thats your style, but it really does work on this, and the imagery is top notch. well done, one of your best
CellarGhosts
03/13/07, 03:24 PM
this tells a really good story. i'll look forward to reading more. i loved the last lines too. i usually think that your work is an overdose of imagery, obviously thats your style, but it really does work on this, and the imagery is top notch. well done, one of your best
Thank you very much, man! I'm finishing up the second part right now, I'll post it soon. And yeah, imagery is something I love to work with, but often it does tend to kill the actual meaning in my work. So I'm glad the imagery/story ratio seems to be pretty equaled out in this one.
Thanks again, man. I appreciate it.
lew_1987
03/13/07, 07:17 PM
check out my thread man, i posted a sample mp3 of the music to go with my lyrics :-)
as_we_learn
03/13/07, 09:02 PM
i have a question how many parts will add to the story? also how soon is the next part gonna be up by?
CellarGhosts
03/14/07, 06:09 AM
check out my thread man, i posted a sample mp3 of the music to go with my lyrics :-)
Cool, cool man :)

i have a question how many parts will add to the story? also how soon is the next part gonna be up by?
Umm, maybe three parts. Definatley two, at least. The second part will be up tonight! yay! haha