Rebuilding A City Just To Tear It Down

[OveriseFan]

(Well, I'm back! I was going to post this before I left but the site was down at the time and yada yada yada. You can say it's too repetitive or whatever, I don't care.)

You can say it's too repetitive, whatever.

We're simply nostalgic,
Tearing up black and white photographs
To create a plastic mosaic
That resembles what we always hoped for.

I didn't ask for apologies,
I just wanted something tangible.
Synthetic strings and broken hearts
Resemble everything you always hoped for.

Pulling at the laces that run along your back,
Our bodies close together make our love more exact.

For your eyes only,
I'll keep this a secret.

I read your diary from year's ago,
Was that missing page where you kept my photo?
I'm sorry I never apologized,
But did you really want something synthesized?
Who are you to tell me how to die?
I can distinctly remember the day we said goodbye.
I'm sorry you never apologized,
But would I really want something synthesized?

Pulling at the laces that run along your back,
Our bodies so close make our love much more exact.

For your eyes only,
I'll keep this a secret.

I read your diary from year's ago,
Was that missing page where you kept my photo?
I'm sorry I never apologized,
But did you really want something synthesized?
Who are you to tell me how to die?
I can distinctly remember the day we said goodbye.
I'm sorry you never apologized,
But would I really want something synthesized?

We are two spirits suspended in space,
But now I feel alone.

[jusscali]

It's too repetitive...

































































nah it was cool

[OveriseFan]

It's too repetitive...

































































nah it was cool

Clever. ;-)

[CellarGhosts]

James! You're back! haha anyway, though...
I liked it. Yeah, maybe a tad bit repetitive, but whatever. It's good.
Maybe it's just me, but the ago/photo rhyme seemed a little awkward,
but it's nothing major.

[black rose]

Pulling at the laces that run along your back,
Our bodies so close make our love much more exact.

I really loved that part, James. So glad to see you back. You're one of the few writers I get excited for these days. Anyways, this was pretty good, although I agree, the ago/photo rhyme seemed a bit awkward and forced. It didn't read very well. Other than that, I thought it to be pretty good. Nice job.

[a speedo model]

I liked it alot. Seemed different from your usual so that was nice to see a change. And I always love the word "synthesized" in lyrics. haha

[OveriseFan]

Ago and photo weren't intended to be a rhyme, per se.

But I can kind of see what you mean about those lines sounding awkward.

[iHATEapril]

It's incredible, through and through, best thing posted in a long time. (Aside from my 6 or so chaptered one that like 10 people looked at because you all suck ; ) )

[OveriseFan]

It's incredible, through and through, best thing posted in a long time. (Aside from my 6 or so chaptered one that like 10 people looked at because you all suck ; ) )

I did not see any of it. hahaha.

Sorry, I've been gone a week.

[iHATEapril]

haha, it's cool, good job though.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

I love it. I guess I'm the odd-girl-out when i say that i dislike the word "synthesized" but if you like it and others do, keep it. The only criticism I have is that it seems to lack passion. Obviously the emotion is there, but I think you could have added more and really made the listener/reader connect to it on an even deeper level.