Top Pot

[cyndaroo]

Top Pot

Coffee shop talks and a late evening rain
Sit silently still at the end of the day,
Sipping loneliness down at this table for four
Tapping keys to the beat of the deafening chords.
Books lining shelves with their stories to tell
The standing tributes to bodies long fallen,
How many times were your stories read
Before you knew where you were going.
Steam wafting high and fading away
Vanishes slowly into weighty memories.
The black & white, framed and slightly askew
A glare keeps it mysteriously out of view.
Faces softly aglow from these empty screens
Seeking life in boxed electricity.
Behind the counter and standing tall
Serving warmth in a cup for the lonely hearts
Knowing liquid requests when we walk through the door
Bringing smiles to faces hardened by the cold
With each body a unique running story line
Reveling tranquilly in mindless musings
Reluctant to leave this sanctuary
Clinging to our minutes of intimacy.

[apoemtothedead]

Your mom is a user title.

[cyndaroo]

Your mom is a user title.
Oh...thanks for clearing that up.

[missmatilde]

'Sipping loneliness down at this table for four' I really liked this line...
and the rest too... and the book thing is so cool.

[CellarGhosts]

I thought this was pretty cool. It sets a nice, calm scene, although it's one that's probably been done many times before. Although I shouldn't really talk haha...but overall just try and work on it. The last line, about 5 minutes of intamacy, I didn't really like. Fix it, or replace it. But all in all, I liked this.

[cyndaroo]

I thought this was pretty cool. It sets a nice, calm scene, although it's one that's probably been done many times before. Although I shouldn't really talk haha...but overall just try and work on it. The last line, about 5 minutes of intamacy, I didn't really like. Fix it, or replace it. But all in all, I liked this.
Yeah, I agree..the end was a bit rushed. I've tweaked it a little, but I'm still not really liking it.

[CellarGhosts]

Yeah, I agree..the end was a bit rushed. I've tweaked it a little, but I'm still not really liking it.
Eh, the new ending...it's a step forward, but I'm still not really feeling it. Sorry haha
Try something like...Idk..."Clinging on to fleeting moments of intimacy" or something like that. Hell, take that line if you like it haha. But yeah, keep revising it. It could be better with some work.

[cyndaroo]

Eh, the new ending...it's a step forward, but I'm still not really feeling it. Sorry haha
Try something like...Idk..."Clinging on to fleeting moments of intimacy" or something like that. Hell, take that line if you like it haha. But yeah, keep revising it. It could be better with some work.
meh..I'll let it rest for a few days, see if I get inspired.