an addition to another song of mine

[proeuthanasia]

this is the ending to a piece i wrote a couple weeks ago. tell me if you think there is something that could be improved or should be revised.




stunning how closely realization follows in the footsteps of loss
lately, a firm grip only triggers a fast fade away
there's a direct connection between my eardrums and those vocal chords
we doubled up and created a manmade substitute for oxygen (this is the air i breathe)

creases in a hose never fail to back up the entire flow
you choke this off and i strangle, so keep the genius coming
the flesh of soundwaves will feel the bite of my nails
this is the one thing that refuses to crumble under my weight
(and i am never letting go)

[BuriedAlive]

it was pretty good.

"you choke this off and i strangle, so keep the genius coming"

you choke this off? it doesnt seem to make since to me.

thats the only suggestion i could make. the rest seems to have good flow and seems to be writing well.

nice job.

[proeuthanasia]

yeah, i see where you could get lost with that line. it becomes clear when sung (word?). think of it this way...it's like when a person says "you do this, and i'll never forgive you" or "you walk out that door, and you can't come back"....replaced with "you choke this off, and i strangle". you choke this off meaning, you stop the flow of 'this'. and i don't care to share what 'this' is over the internet...but hopefully i've clarified a few things for you. thanks for the input chris.

[proeuthanasia]

criticize.