Relevance and Focus (sustain and develop response)

[wyverna]

fire glistens in ruby eyes and perfect lips make a perfect pout. fire flickers once more and then goes out.

lethargic blood seeping through bones
marked diagrams spiral over alabaster skin
dotted lines sparking a connection
jumpstarts are needed in order to feel alive
she says
just a momentary lapse, the emotion will fade
pay little or no attention, let is pass, let it pass, let it pass...
but no, not i, and the fighting begins
as always, no one wins
i just want to feel alive.

[CellarGhosts]

Hmmm. I liked it. For some reason, the line "just a momentary lapse" seems a little cliche, to me anyways. But overall, this was cool. Good job.

[wyverna]

Hmmm. I liked it. For some reason, the line "just a momentary lapse" seems a little cliche, to me anyways. But overall, this was cool. Good job.

thanksss. criticism appreciated, I'm not sure whether I like it myself or not.

[CellarGhosts]

thanksss. criticism appreciated, I'm not sure whether I like it myself or not.
Sure thing, here to help haha. I think this would be better if you re-worked it a little, and maybe expanded it.
But I dunno. By the way, care to check out my latest one and tell me what you think? haha thanks

[a speedo model]

I like this alot. I agree that one life feels....like it's not enough power? I suppose. I think you could say something much better. But this is good like always Grace.

[wyverna]

Sure thing, here to help haha. I think this would be better if you re-worked it a little, and maybe expanded it.
But I dunno. By the way, care to check out my latest one and tell me what you think? haha thanks

Mm, I don't know, I never really rework my poems. I suppose I should, but to me they're either a success or a failure, haha.

And sure I will :-)

I like this alot. I agree that one life feels....like it's not enough power? I suppose. I think you could say something much better. But this is good like always Grace.

it's not alwaysss good. and 'good' is so... blah. sub par. I want to write something that stands out. But I haven't got there yet, haha. but thanks for the comment josiahhh, we don't talk enough.

[a speedo model]

it's not alwaysss good. and 'good' is so... blah. sub par. I want to write something that stands out. But I haven't got there yet, haha. but thanks for the comment josiahhh, we don't talk enough.
I know, I think you've got the talent you just need to write more. Your work is always good, I think with time it will be amazing.

I know :-( How have you been?

[wyverna]

I know, I think you've got the talent you just need to write more. Your work is always good, I think with time it will be amazing.

I know :-( How have you been?

Thanksss. Idk, I guess we'll see how it goes. I don't write much anymore, not poems/lyrics.

I have been well, just studying a ton. How about you?

[CellarGhosts]

Odd you both should bring up the topic of not talking enough. My two best friends and I haven't talked in like...two and a half weeks. :-( indeed haha. I guess everyone is real busy. But anyway in regards to what you said earlier, I think if you actually started to revise/expand your work, it would be even better. So keep at it, and with time I'm sure you'll be much better. Not that you're "bad" right now, or anything, but I think you're not quite living up to your full potential. Just yet anyway.

[a speedo model]

Thanksss. Idk, I guess we'll see how it goes. I don't write much anymore, not poems/lyrics.

I have been well, just studying a ton. How about you?
Hmmm, that may be it. You should write more, you've got talent Grace.

Not too bad, studying and writing. Hoping to record vocals tomorrow or tonight. I hate how quickly time seems to fly.

[CellarGhosts]

I hate how quickly time seems to fly.
Word to that, man haha. I hate it too.

[wyverna]

Odd you both should bring up the topic of not talking enough. My two best friends and I haven't talked in like...two and a half weeks. :-( indeed haha. I guess everyone is real busy. But anyway in regards to what you said earlier, I think if you actually started to revise/expand your work, it would be even better. So keep at it, and with time I'm sure you'll be much better. Not that you're "bad" right now, or anything, but I think you're not quite living up to your full potential. Just yet anyway.

Aw,that sucks. I hate it when that happens.

Mm, maybe I will. It's something I've been thinking of; usually, when I write something, I just forget about it after that.

Hmmm, that may be it. You should write more, you've got talent Grace.

Not too bad, studying and writing. Hoping to record vocals tomorrow or tonight. I hate how quickly time seems to fly.

thanks :-) I've got a new English teacher and she doesn't seem to think so, though. I can't stand her.

Ooh, that sounds interesting. And me too.

[a speedo model]

thanks :-) I've got a new English teacher and she doesn't seem to think so, though. I can't stand her.

Ooh, that sounds interesting. And me too.
Pssssshh, so silly. I dislike her now. haha

Yeah, I really want to get something done. I've so far completed one song. haha

[CellarGhosts]

Aw,that sucks. I hate it when that happens.

Mm, maybe I will. It's something I've been thinking of; usually, when I write something, I just forget about it after that.
Yeah, I do hate it too haha. I need to call them both or something...organize some time to hang out and so forth haha. But yeah, just keep working at it. You're writing some really good stuff.

[a speedo model]

Word to that, man haha. I hate it too.
It's insane to think my semester has only 5 weeks or so left.

[CellarGhosts]

It's insane to think my semester has only 5 weeks or so left.
Holy hell, I know man. It was about this time last year that my band broke up...and some of us drifted apart. Seems like it's been waaayyy longer haha. Because in the grand scheme of things, a year really isn't all that long.

[wyverna]

Pssssshh, so silly. I dislike her now. haha

Yeah, I really want to get something done. I've so far completed one song. haha

She's so irritating. She has no idea what she's talking about and completely gets under my skin. I swear I'm going to end up like, yelling at her or something which is majorly ooc for me.

That's good! How many left, haha?

Yeah, I do hate it too haha. I need to call them both or something...organize some time to hang out and so forth haha. But yeah, just keep working at it. You're writing some really good stuff.

That sounds good, you should do that.

And thanks :-) I just never really seem to have the time. But I'll try make more of an effort.

[a speedo model]

Holy hell, I know man. It was about this time last year that my band broke up...and some of us drifted apart. Seems like it's been waaayyy longer haha. Because in the grand scheme of things, a year really isn't all that long.
Yeah, it sucks. After highschool a bunch of friends and I drifted apart.
She's so irritating. She has no idea what she's talking about and completely gets under my skin. I swear I'm going to end up like, yelling at her or something which is majorly ooc for me.

That's good! How many left, haha?
Awww, I dislike teachers like that. I've had a few. I always stood my ground though, in college they tend to appreciate that I suppose. I'm sorry for you Grace :-(


6 or 7 I think. Of this album. In all.........30 probably hahaha

[wyverna]

Yeah, it sucks. After highschool a bunch of friends and I drifted apart.

Awww, I dislike teachers like that. I've had a few. I always stood my ground though, in college they tend to appreciate that I suppose. I'm sorry for you Grace :-(


6 or 7 I think. Of this album. In all.........30 probably hahaha

I could go on and on about her, but I'm not going to, haha. She just... rawr. She makes me mad.

Hahahahaaa. So 29 to go altogether!

[a speedo model]

I could go on and on about her, but I'm not going to, haha. She just... rawr. She makes me mad.

Hahahahaaa. So 29 to go altogether!
:-) I miss rawr. hahaha, it sums it all up while saying so little.

Yeah, I need to get to work. I'm lazy.

[a speedo model]

I gotta run, I'll talk to you later Gracey.

[wyverna]

I used to say 'rawr' constantly. I should bring it back.

Byee Josiah <3

[CellarGhosts]

She's so irritating. She has no idea what she's talking about and completely gets under my skin. I swear I'm going to end up like, yelling at her or something which is majorly ooc for me.

That's good! How many left, haha?



That sounds good, you should do that.

And thanks :-) I just never really seem to have the time. But I'll try make more of an effort.
I should. And I will haha.

And sure thing haha.

Yeah, it sucks. After highschool a bunch of friends and I drifted apart.

Awww, I dislike teachers like that. I've had a few. I always stood my ground though, in college they tend to appreciate that I suppose. I'm sorry for you Grace :-(


6 or 7 I think. Of this album. In all.........30 probably hahaha
Yeah...drifting apart sucks, doesn't it? haha yep. Well I'm gonna leave it at that, cause it's not a very happy topic. Maybe I'll go make it into a song. Hmmm...