Dirty in FHM

[Jason Tate]

Fall Out Boy (http://www.absolutepunk.net/falloutboy)'s drunken stunt monkey, Dirty, recently did an interview (http://www.fhmonline.com/articles-4083.asp?cnl_id=3&stn_id=14&idx_id=4083) about his exploits in FHM.

Submitted by Cbra

[altemose09]

dirty owns

[Jared Kaufman]

Haha. What a great read; I love this dude, he's always down for a party.

[SwedishHeat]

it was insane. . . You can see it on YouTube.

That's a great catchphrase. I think I'm going to try and incorporate it into my daily life. It reminds me of the time Billy Murray was on Letterman a while back and told a story about a golf tournament and ended it with "You can read more about it on my web site."

Bill Murray is a class act.

[dukie_04]

can somone copy and post the interview on here..once again my computer at work wont allow me to a site....

[andrewww]

"We put my balls in it and closed it. I have a scar on my balls now"

LMFAO

[Jared Kaufman]

can somone copy and post the interview on here..once again my computer at work wont allow me to a site....
You’re not the tour manager but you’re a fixture in the Fall Out Boy camp. What exactly do you do?
I just hang out and get drunk. I have probably the most interesting and unique job ever. They pretty much just pay me to hang out and have a good time—I’m kind of like their entertainment.

You’re like a whore who doesn’t put out, right?
Exactly.

Take us through the typical Dirty day.
I’m usually up sometime between 12 and 2 p.m. My favorite thing to do is open a beer and chug it. It wakes me up a little bit. Then I go in and bother our crew and keep drinking all day. I’m usually six or seven beers in by show time. The band will play their set and go offstage and I’ll go out and bring the band back out for the encore. I bust a few white boy moves to entertain the crowd. I can’t dance. After the show, I’ll hang out with everyone in the crew and in the band. Finally, I pass out at about four or five in the morning.

Now that is the American dream! How did you get this incredible job?
Back in December of 2003, I was sitting around chilling and getting wasted with my brother. The guitarist from a band called Matchbook Romance, Judas, called my brother and wanted him to come sell concert merchandise for him for three weeks. My brother couldn’t do it so I volunteered. The next day I quit my job and went on tour. It was supposed to be temporary, but they were like, “Why don’t you stay out with us?” The tour I did in January was with Fall Out Boy, Matchbook Romance and Dynamite Boy. That’s where I met Pete [Wentz, bassist]. By the end of the year we were having so much fun that Pete was like, “Why don’t you work for me, man?” it was probably the best decision I ever made. The first tour I did exclusively with Fall Out Boy was for one week in December 2004. We had so much fun on that tour. It was like 15 dudes packed into a 15 passenger van getting crazy every night going from New York to Philly to Chicago.

Fifteen dudes stuffed into a small van? That sounds like pure hell.
We were packed in there like sardines but it was worth it. We had a kick-ass time. When I first started with Fall Out Boy I sold merchandise. I wasn’t the world’s greatest merch guy so they moved me to hanging up banners and posters. Now, they just pay me to hang out. I can’t screw this one up.

How did your long, proud tradition of injury-for-entertainment start?
The first stunt I did was in Philly on the 2004 tour. I was sitting at the merch table. They had three songs left and they said, “Get up here onstage.” I was like, “Alright, what are they going to do to me?” They challenged me to chug a whole two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew in two songs. I walked up to the mike and said, “I only need one.” I pounded a whole two-liter in one song. Amazingly, I projectile vomited in front of the entire crowd for like five minutes. It just rolled on from there. We ended up putting it on a DVD, Release the Bats.

Release the Bats had some pretty gnarly stunts on it—you drank mud and ate your own puke. Were those antics fairly representative of your daily life or did they push your limits just for the camera?
No, that’s all pretty normal stuff. When I drank the mud, for some reason in my mind I was like, “It’s all just water.”

You could’ve been drinking pure hepatitis.
I was drunk. They were like, “Drink the water!” I was like, “Mmmokay.” The sausage incident is my favorite. We got a huge, giant beef sausage. I attempted to eat as much as possible then I started to throw it up. If you watch the video, I might be a little drunk. I might’ve stumbled and fell over and then sampled it again after it was already out. And then we decided to mix it up with a few things and I sampled it a couple more times.

Do you ever wake up the next day and feel used and exploited?
No. A lot of people wouldn’t do that kind of stuff but if I can do something to make someone puke or laugh and have a good time, then it’s worth it. I try to push it to the next level. People love watching people get hurt and do something stupid.

Have you ever gotten really hurt?
Oh yeah. I went to the hospital on the Black Clouds and Underdogs tour. I’d come out for the encore to get the crowd pumped up and we’d put a table on the stage floor then I’d climb up on top of the riser and Charlie [Fall Out Boy’s security guard] would pick me up and throw me off, back first. Over the course of the tour, I’d probably gone through over 40 tables. The last day of the tour in Chicago, I went through three tables. It was fucking awesome. But I must’ve landed the wrong way because I cracked three ribs, gashed my back, fractured my elbow, bruised my hip and spine—all in one fall! My arms were all swollen and crooked and I couldn’t breathe, it was insane. Blood was just gushing out of my back. You can see it on YouTube.

What are some of the lesser known rules of being on a tour bus?
You cannot shit in the tour bus. The major rule is that there is no shitting in the tour bus and no putting toilet paper in the toilet. Pee only.

So when nature calls what do you do?
If you’ve got to shit and you need to go badly and we’re not stopping? Then you bag it.

What do you mean you “bag it”?
You take a plastic bag, you sit on the toilet, you put the plastic bag up to your butt, and you bag it. Then you throw it out the window.

Are you serious?
I swear to god. If you’ve toured, you’ve bagged it.

That’s pretty hardcore. But in the ’70s, bands like Led Zeppelin and the Rolling Stones trashed hotel rooms, snorted mountains of coke, and deflowered armies of virgins. Do any of today’s bands even come close to that level of debauchery?
I, myself, do everything that you say—from debauchery to going “skiing” to drinking to deflowering. I don’t care. I will trash a fucking hotel room. I feel like I should’ve been a roadie for Lynyrd Skynyrd or something. I was born too late. But I got us banned from the Hard Rock Hotel, thank you very much.

What’s the proper way to wreak havoc on a hotel room?
First order of business—open the minibar. After you drink, you feel loose. One time, I got drunk and these kids gave us a Slip ’N Slide. We put it in our room and put soap and shampoo and lotion all over it. Then we would go flying down the slide and hit the room door with a loud thump! We were slamming into each other and flipping the beds over and people were screaming. Ten security guards came into the room and saw these dudes sliding all over the place. They wanted to kick us out right then at 3 a.m. We tried to stay at the Hard Rock again this year but they said no way. It was worth it.

Is Fall Out Boy participating in any of this?
Patrick [Stump, vocals] sits on the bus and works all the time. He’s amazing, one of the best dudes I’ve met in my life. Joe [Trohman, guitar] hangs out. Andy [Hurley, drums] is a ladies man. He’s a nice guy. I think he’s got a girl now, so he’s settling down. Pete loves to hang. He’s down getting people wasted and have a good time. Most of the crazy shit I do is Pete’s idea.

Rumor has it he convinced you to get a certain tattoo across your toes…
Yes, yes—I have “Peter Wentz” on my toes. We’ve made jokes about having his name on my feet and he said, “What would it take to get my name on you?” I was like, “Get me a six-pack of beer, a bottle of liquor and you pay for the tattoo and I’ll do it.” I finished the six-pack and was about halfway into the liquor when I said, “OK, let’s go!”

How can girls get backstage?
Obviously, a boob flash always gets a backstage pass. But we’re at the point now where everyone thinks it’s uncool to flash boobs. Me, personally? They can flash me. I’m keeping it real, like 1970 real.

Have you ever screwed up big time and left a piece of equipment at a Taco Bell or something?
Luckily, I don’t handle too many things. But Pete wears nice designer clothes now. We were in Mexico City last year and I left a $500 one-of-a-kind hoodie there. It was like some special designer that only makes one style of hoodie. Pete was upset, he kind of freaked out. When you do something like that you pay for it, but not with cash.

Chinese water torture?
I always have a thick beard. So Pete took a marker and drew a line down the center of my head then shaved off half my face—eyebrow and everything. I walked around with half a beard and one eyebrow for like two days. I’d slick my hair back on the side that was shaved and on the other side, I’d fluff it out so I’d look like Two Face. That same night, we took a straight iron and we stamped my nuts.

What?
We put my balls in it and closed it. I have a scar on my balls now.

[Lehcar]

My arms were all swollen and crooked and I couldn’t breathe, it was insane. Blood was just gushing out of my back. You can see it on YouTube.


LOL @ the last sentence

[Jared Kaufman]

I love the footage of when they were on Mancow and Pete kicks Dirty in the balls.

[joshuagilbert]

"You can see it on YouTube. "

lol, there's 137 videos of him on youtube.

[music_is_my_boy]

hahahaha dirty is a fucking legend man! he owns!

[Jared Kaufman]

I love the footage of when they were on Mancow and Pete kicks Dirty in the balls.
Ignore the fact Mancow calls Pete the lead singer...

jt8rDYkzl-0

[emerypearl]

I love Dirty

[CountMeOut923]

is it wrong that i dont find dirty entertaining anymore? I used to think it was great in the beginning but now it just seems ridiculous. he does a lot of the same things every night and i'm tired of him doing the dance from the 'dance dance' video. maybe i'm just old and easily annoyed at 21.

[csophomore]

i really feel sorry for him.....he's like their little monkey.
then again, he's Fall Out Boy's monkey.

where do i sign up??
lol

[JulieLynn]

If i could drink beer all day and hang out with my friends, i'd do it in a heart beat. Dirty has the best fucking job ever, even if they do make him do stupid shit that could kill him or get him thrown in jail.

[Sundrop]

He was pretty funny at first. Now, I find it a little sad that he's still doing the same shit over 3 years later.

Basically, he just does all the crap that Pete used to do. Now that FOB is getting bigger, Pete's probably not allowed to do all that crazy shit. It would cost the label too much for him to get hurt.


After all, Dirty's a father now. If I were his g/f, I'd want him home to help me with the baby. Of course, maybe she doesn't think he'd be a good influence on the baby.

[1000shadesofred]

greatest job int he world

[Holden85]

hahha, great shit

[Mart2023]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkVvP3Bf4aY

[candleguy1142]

that drunk bastard.. hahah

[Adrian Villagomez]

I walked around with half a beard and one eyebrow for like two days. I’d slick my hair back on the side that was shaved and on the other side, I’d fluff it out so I’d look like Two Face.What a life. This weirdo at every FOB show?

[basementsong]

haha last time I saw fall out boy was on dirty's birthday. my friends and I got him a cake, decorated it, somehow managed to convince korean tom cruise to give it to dirty only in the end charlie threw it at dirty's head while dirty was on stage :/

[jd195527]

I think I would find this all funnier if I didn't know that he had a baby. I don't claim to know anything about his arrangement with the mom, or his home life, or whatever, but it still throws me a little. Also, Im not into the "boob flash gets a backstage pass" deal.

lol at 'Andy the ladies man', though. Im an Andy girl for sure.

[ModelBehaviour]

I would be Fall Out Boy's bitch to if i could. Greatest job in the world.

[_kelly]

im not sure i understand why anyone would allow dirty to "deflower" them

[m_rue]

haha I love Dirty

[_kate]

i'm just not with the crowd on this one. i really don't like dirty. he is disgusting. even if he does have a twisted view of fun, i hate the whole rock n roll attitude/antics. it's just not cool to wreck a hotel room or deflower as many girls as you can.

[ElRey]

I like how Pete starts laughing when he's referred to as 'the lead singer of Fall Out Boy'.

[falloutboy.]

my vote for best and most entertaining interview ive read in a while..

[falloutboy.]

What a life. This weirdo at every FOB show?
yep, look for him, he's crazy he will talk to anyone and everyone before shows just wandering around

[CountMeOut923]

He was pretty funny at first. Now, I find it a little sad that he's still doing the same shit over 3 years later.

Basically, he just does all the crap that Pete used to do. Now that FOB is getting bigger, Pete's probably not allowed to do all that crazy shit. It would cost the label too much for him to get hurt.


After all, Dirty's a father now. If I were his g/f, I'd want him home to help me with the baby. Of course, maybe she doesn't think he'd be a good influence on the baby.

agreed!

i also think it's lame for HIM to wreck the hotel room. He's not the musician, nor is he the one in the band at all.

[_falloutgirl]

hehe. oh, he is brilliant with a capital 'b'.

[_falloutgirl]

yep, look for him, he's crazy he will talk to anyone and everyone before shows just wandering around

usually sniffing around for some underage butt.