Untitled

[takingthursday]

This thing lodged in my mind
And all the strife it'll take to push away
As the ink bleeds onto this canvas
My falling won't let me forget

So use to making promises to myself
That I'm always easily able to break
Look at her sit there with hersmile
Should I even try to say
That I've been sent to destroy her?

My own worst enemy
What's to stop me?
I know how to make pain go away
By inducing a second dose of more

What can I do
To make my blood see
What it really means to me

If I were him
Mercy wouldn't be a deal
"You've counted one too many chances
Just continue to take advantage of yourself"

Read between the lines
And take these words of truth as hints of my pain

[takingthursday]

Weeni (or however you spell your name)

You can bash this one too! LOL

[wewin]

you're an idiot. it's right there in front of you and you still can't spell it right.

and it's not "bashing". it's "criticizing". you may also call it "negative feedback", but never "bashing".

i had reasons for saying what i said. I believe that, from a literary standpoint, the lyrics of the songs i critiqued are not very good. the end. deal with it.

if you want people to tell you your songs are great, then say so and i won't say anything bad (might not say anything GOOD, either). however, if you just want "feedback" or for people to "let you know what they think", then roll with the punches of reasoned criticism and take it like a man. or boy. or girl. or whatever the hell you are.


and respond to my criticism with your thoughts on it. yeah. that way i know that you heard me.

[takingthursday]

No need to call me an idiot dude. The reason I couldn't remember how to spell it was because it WASN'T infront of me when I was posting in each song's thread. And I wanted your "constructive criticism". I just said "bashing" in a joking matter. So calm down bro. And I heard all of your suggestions. I'm sorry I didn't post in response to them. I didn't know you wanted me to.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

To start things off.... I see your a Thursday fan from your screen name. What I've noticed in many of your songs is that you take way to many ideas from them and it's just so obvious. It makes it even more noticable sicne your name has Thursday in it.

The first two lines to the first verse are ok. The third line I don't like because yes it's a copy of Thursday. The fourth line has falling once again, it's in many of your songs and most of the other 33435425634635 songs in the world.

The second verse is decent. A little cheesy, a little weak.

Third verse right off the bat is a rip-off of Lit theres no doubt about that. After that it's ok once again a little weak and cheesy with the "doce of more" line.

Fourth verse is bad and you used a cheesy rhyme of "see" and "me", blood is also over-used.

Fifth verse is wierd, wierd doesn't mean bad, but it just confused me a bit.

The sixth verse is not my style, I'm not a fan of messages about the song at the end of the song, find it annoying.

I think your trying way to hard to sound mature. If you just let the pen flow without thinking "Oh, is this emo enough? Is this going to catch thier attention" and start thinking "Yes this is exactly how I feel, I should write this" you'd be much better off. Goodluck.

[takingthursday]

Dude...I just write to write. Whatever spills out of my head on ink onto paper. I don't think to sound like any particular band. The words just flow....

And I don't think that song reminds me of Thursday at all. Nothing in there is equivalent to "PARIS IN FLAMES" or "...in this collapsed lung of a borrough". I feel Thursday's lyrics are way far advanced compared to mine and I could not EVER even come remotely close to theirs.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

Yes they are very advanced but you use many words that I can almost guarnetee you wouldn't use if you didn't listen to Thursday. And don't get angry with me I am just trying to help you develop into a better writter.

[takingthursday]

Oh...I wasn't getting angry. I appreciate the "constructive criticism". It's just I got tired of ppl saying "Stop trying to sound like Taking Back Sunday and/or Thursday." I just write whatever words/phrases come to mind. I don't sit there striving to sound like or write like a particular band/artist.

[xAlexisonfirex]

trsut me, your lyrics bear no resemblence to thursday in any way.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

Yea well I'm sorry too theres just really one line in this song that strike me as being a Thursday rip off.. the line where you say "As the ink bleeds onto this canvas". That line just hit me as being "Thursdayish"