Tomorrow's Child

[takingthursday]

Tomorrow's Child

When the sun kissed the moon goodnight
And the stars pushed away the grass
Everyone and all came to believe
That it was their time to shine

Red lights ahead and white ones behind
All that shines in my eyes
Is what I for sure know
Is not for sure

The deceit rubbing off from headlights
And the identity that lies within a number
Are all facets of their intent to deprive

The grains of sand and pillars of dirt
My empty castle that holds me prisoner within
Would never had known
That liquid crystal would be the fall of me

Everything you wear white and tan
Big smiles painted on lifeless statues

In order to be
Something a spectacle to see
You have to turn and bleed green

The advice to dispense
To all those still connected
To the ground you belong
The ground you’ll end to be

While renting this space
Don’t get lost in the time
That it takes to make yourself a name

[takingthursday]

Rip this song apart too Ween...

[ISuckYoungBlood]

I really don't like the first verse of the song. It is so cheesy and sounds like a lullaby song and not A Static Lullaby. The ending to the first verse is also a tottaly rip of The Used - A Box Full Of Sharp Objects, "It's our time to shine" = "It's thier time to shine".

The second verse is a little better, but using "eyes" is so over-used, so are colors espeacially red and white. Also, those last two lines are also over-used (those type of lines like "all I know is that i know nothing") there are way to many of those.

I really like the 3rd verse except for the number part sounds like a Thursday rip-off.

Your fourth line was really good until you got to the "fall of mine" part. Falling is so over-used so many bands use it, its just like everyone in the world is always falling.

Fifth verse again has colors, tan is odd too. Lifeless also over-used.

I liked the 6th verse except the bleed green. I thought it was stupid and once a again a color.

7th verse is good. No complaints

I like the 8th verse the best because I though it had a clever lesson in a good analogy and I enjoy those a lot.

The song has potential but you gotta fix up a lot of things in my opinion. The lyrical mind is something you definately have, I just think you have to be more creative and think for yourself a little more. Goodluck