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nosdia
03/29/07, 09:52 AM
Parallel With the Ground (The Act of Having or Showing Strong Feelings)

(Verse1/ Bridge 1)
When were all together we can then be seen,
With a correction like this it's my extinction,
I warned you but you didn't listen, (2x)

(Chorus)
Heartless murderers, and a headache for my head,
And a heart attack that no one can regret, (2x)

(Verse 2/ Bridge 2)
Why give us sin if you know were going to choose sin over you,
Giving us the ability to choose between you and this life is for the few,
And with this knife that has been blown to me from before,
I'll have a front row seat to a scene I can't miss, (2x)

(Ending Verse)
Like knights in battle we will die with honor,
To a February night,
And to a day that had no January in the blood,
And while I'm parallel with the ground,
Pain and suffering coming from my heart,
"Knowing that your dead" these days that we lived will soon be gone,
The act of having or showing strong feelings is confusing to me. (-x)

CellarGhosts
03/29/07, 10:32 AM
I'm pretty confused by this.
"To a February night to a day that no January in the blood"
...I mean what the hell does that mean? Not to be an ass or anything, but this was just...yeah...I really can't say anything...

nosdia
03/29/07, 01:21 PM
sorry but it was a misprint, it was suposed to say
"to a February night
and to a day that had no January in the blood"meaning 'to a February night' that one of the nights you once lived. 'and to a day that had no January in the blood' that all the people who have not lived one single day of January will die, meaning all the new borns and all that, thats what its suposed to be, and again i'm sorry

CellarGhosts
03/29/07, 01:46 PM
Ah, okay I see.

Well...let's see... Nothing amazing here, and to be honest, I really didn't like this much at all, but it shows potential, in the sense that you're at least trying, and take this seriously, and so forth. Yet, I'm pretty sure you'll be writing really good stuff after awhile If you just keep writing and work hard at it

a speedo model
03/29/07, 04:26 PM
Yeah, Eli, this shows potential. I suggest you keep writing and try being simpler for now. Until you get a grasp on your own style of writing.