The Innocent Getaway of a Guilty Criminal

[takingthursday]

The Innocent Getaway of a Guilty Criminal

Pointing fingers calling names
In awe of what this could be
Everytime you keep on blaming
I wish the blade wouldn't have gotten stuck

The steam from the pressure
You let loose from the accusations
That I only dream for myself
How many times do I have to fall to my knees and say:

Chorus:
My replica got the worst of me
And pushed me to live a life not me
Everyone takes a chance at getting away with it
You know I'm not capable of something so sly
So let's end this call and I'll run over to you

Persuading you with a crooked grin
Reassuring you with the clasp of my teeth
With the hands behind my back
And the smell on my neck
I pull you in with a devilish wink

The guilt is seen when I close my eyes
There on the inside of my lids
Etched there to remain forever
The words that I just spoke...admission of guilt

Repeat Chorus

How could I lose count
With two fingers folded and one more left 'til I'm out
I'll spin spin spin the knob
'Til no longer it turns to let me out

Repeat Chorus (x2 fading)

PLZ LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF THIS AND ALL MY OTHER SONGS....THEY'RE UNDER TAKINGTHURSDAY....THANKS!

[MMW]

TakingThursday,
I think you have honest potential in your writing. How long have you been writing anyways? I like here in Ky and I'm trying to get a band together. I'm a big fan of TBS as well as Thursday, but I'm wanting to find something different ya know. I mean thats why I love those two bands so much is because they are so different. I think that you should consider the same. I like your lyrics and as long as musicians keep giving music a paradox for its own good, the more it will defy....Keep Rokin'..

MMW

[takingthursday]

I don't know how long I've been writing for now. It's been awhile, but once I got into this style of music I drastically changed my writing methods and the method I used to title songs I wrote. I got deeper thinking and meaning put into my lyrics and moved FAR FAR away from the styles I use to write.

I'm trying to delve deeper into my brain and pull out some crazy unreal lyrics. I love Thursday and TBS and they are a lot of inspiration to my writing and I come close all the time to writing very similar lyrics but pull away from it (i.e., references to guns and triggers). I wanna do something different and not repeat something popular.

[Alex Djaferis]

yeah you have potential. its good. but the last line of every stanza kinda gets to me...

[takingthursday]

Why?

What do you mean?

Examples? Suggestions?

[MMW]

This is one of my writings, so tell me what you think:

No Title Yet...

Two intrinsic shadows borrow the wall,
You catch a kiss intense.
We slaughter this guessing game
To a comfortable silent static.
How does your father feel about family?
Just take me to your enemies.
We'll sleep tonight with one eye open
Broadcast belly up to the stars
After all of this I loved you
Only to find out you were just as human as me.

MMW...

[takingthursday]

Great song....I love the first line ESPECIALLY!!!

[takingthursday]

Hey man...Can you check out my other song and tell me what you think in those individual post as well. The titles are:

The Tongue Spins Like The Blender's Motor
Tomorrow's Child
Choose Your Own Adventure Ending
Untitled
A Gut Check For The Heart
The Minute Hand Won't Stop Spinning

It would mean a lot man. Thanks for the support. Keep on rockin'!!!

[BuriedAlive]

you posted them all too fast. truly the only way to get attention is to post one every now and then. but hey i will bring back some of my older songs so you guys can read them if you want. they arent anything special.

[takingthursday]

BuriedAlive....If you get a chance.....then plz take a look at my lyrics and post inside those threads what ya think....Thanks:

The Tongue Spins Like The Blender's Motor
Tomorrow's Child
Choose Your Own Adventure Ending
Untitled
A Gut Check For The Heart
The Minute Hand Won't Stop Spinning

[wewin]

taking thursday: don't post so much at once. it's overwhelming. people don't like to read a ton of songs at once, and they won't put equal thought into each one if you have like fifty thousand at once.

i applaud you for attempting to do something different.
it's not necessary to keep reminding people that you want them to look at your songs. if the song isn't being looked at, reply to your own song to bump it to the top of the list. don't keep telling us your song titles. we know.

don't make a thread about us not replying. it sounds whiny and nagging.

okay. so here's my reply to your song now.

The Innocent Getaway of a Guilty Criminal
paradoxes are annoying and dumb if they aren't especially clever, and this one proves it. there's just no such thing as an innocent getaway, because no one innocent ever needs a getaway. this sort of contrast, in this case between "innocent" and "guilty", needs to be more subtle than this or it is just not very good.

Pointing fingers calling names
right off the bat you hit us with a lyrical cliche. i wouldn't do that: it's offputting. these aren't your words. it weakens the song. you need a strong opening to capture our attention, and this isn't a strong opening.
In awe of what this could be
what? lyrical nonsense. it also isn't very realistic. people aren't EVER in awe about the possibilites and potential that exist. i mean, this song could change the world, but i'm not really in awe at that possibility. this line is like an exaggeration of human emotion, and i can't relate to it.
Everytime you keep on blaming
I wish the blade wouldn't have gotten stuck
uninspired. change "wouldn't have gotten" to "didn't get", just to smooth things over.

The steam from the pressure
steam isn't caused by pressure.
You let loose from the accusations
That I only dream for myself
How many times do I have to fall to my knees and say:
i don't understand. "let loose from the accusations that i only dream for myself"? what does that MEAN?

Chorus:
My replica got the worst of me
And pushed me to live a life not me not mine. don't sacrifice sounding remotely intelligent for the sake of a rhyme, especially when you haven't yet used a rhyme scheme and there's none after this.
Everyone takes a chance at getting away with it
You know I'm not capable of something so sly
So let's end this call and I'll run over to you
end this call? what call? what are you talking about? you're falling into the traps of thursday's lyrics: you're just not making sense.

Persuading you with a crooked grin
Reassuring you with the clasp of my teeth how is that reassuring? this song is very confusing, and not in a good way.
With the hands behind my back
And the smell on my neck
I pull you in with a devilish wink

The guilt is seen when I close my eyes
There on the inside of my lids
Etched there to remain forever
The words that I just spoke...admission of guilt
yeah. you admitted guilt when you said it was on the inside of your eyes. don't tell us that you're guilty again in the same stanza. the title still doesn't match up with the song.

Repeat Chorus

How could I lose count
With two fingers folded and one more left 'til I'm out if you use numbers in a song and they have no significance, then they are just filler. they get in the way if they don't mean anything.
I'll spin spin spin the knob
'Til no longer it turns to let me out what knob? what is the metaphor, what are you trying to say? the last line is filler. it doesn't really mean anything.

i don't like this song at all. you use too many images and ideas and you don't elaborate or allow explanation of any of them. you may think that making a song impossible to understand makes it deep: it doesn't. a deep song is a song with layers. a song that has more than one possible meaning. this song has no direction or focus, no structure or consistency. you made it into a ramble. the title appears unrelated to the actual song. it doesn't make sense and that isn't good.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

wewin is good it was pretty much similar too how i was going to make my comment. Dude like I said in some other of your posts you are trying way to hard to be deep that you are jsut rambling lines to make it sound mature. Basically this song is one line sentances that you thought were cool so you made it into a song. No structure there is nothing to this song nothing.