All I’ll Never Know (and Everything You Won’t)

[Addie]

All I’ll Never Know (and Everything You Won’t)


I could
Tell you
What I think
About you
But do
You think
That's what
What do you really want to hear
"Could you please
Tell me
Who I've
Hurt again
Cause I don't
Want to
Scar you"
Again again again again again

(Chorus)
Who really knows
What I'm thinking
This song could be about
Anything
You'll never know for sure
I don't even know anymore
This is so confusing
This is out of my league
But the alarming thing is
This is me


Obviously it's not finished. Add on to it if you want to. Oh and, it's not supposed to make sense. :-)

[a speedo model]

It's not supposed to make sense? Interesting...

Well, I think the spacing is a problem. When done correctly it can work very well but here it's just annoying. It's adding suspense for the next two words that aren't of any importance to the piece because as you said it doesn't make any sense. So all it does is frustrate the reader because you're leaving them anticipating something good and they get more lines that mean nothing. Work on it, I'd say if you really want to space it like it is it will need alot of rework.

[CellarGhosts]

It's not supposed to make sense? Interesting...

Well, I think the spacing is a problem. When done correctly it can work very well but here it's just annoying. It's adding suspense for the next two words that aren't of any importance to the piece because as you said it doesn't make any sense. So all it does is frustrate the reader because you're leaving them anticipating something good and they get more lines that mean nothing. Work on it, I'd say if you really want to space it like it is it will need alot of rework.
I agree. I hate it when pieces are submitted in that form. The line spacing is just incredibly annoying, and gives me a headahce trying to read it.

Like Josiah said, the spacing can work if it's done correctly, but most of the time, it's not a good idea.

I really wasn't feeling this, though, so I can't really comment, other than to say that I'd probably be able to get into it more if it was written in an easier-to-read format.

I'll try again later, and see if I can offer a more helpful critique.

[wyverna]

The beginning reminds me of Dammit.

[OveriseFan]

The beginning reminds me of Dammit.

For sure.

I have a feeling it was ripped completely from there, as the rhythm is almost the same.

[wyverna]

Oh, and the spacing makes it reeeally hard to figure out what you're trying to say. And it's incredibly unoriginal. And why isn't it s'posed to make sense? Isn't the point of writing to try and convey a message to the reader? If so, this piece is entirely pointless.

[lostfear]

I agree on the dammit thing. and this song has nothing to it. like why did you post this?

[CellarGhosts]

I agree on the dammit thing. and this song has nothing to it. like why did you post this?
Hey yeah, I just noticed that. Very reminiscent of Dammit. Hmmm..

Anyway, care to check my new one, Jake? it'd be quite awesome of you haha.