dealing with death

[biodegradable]

my grandmother passed away yesterday.
it's my first real 'death in the family' deal.
my whole family has been crying, upset, the whole shebang. but i have yet to cry or be sad. i already came to grips with her death a long time ago. she's been sort of 'dying' for the last year, so it didnt come to me as a shock. i havent actually seen her in years. my sister thinks badly of me because i havent cried or been upset. i feel like i should cry just to respect my grandmother or something, but i cant. is this wrong?

[masav5]

You shouldn't feel guilty for your emotions. For most people, death is a sad thing. But how each person deals with this sadness differs from person to person. If you are not feeling sad, that's ok too. Sometimes when confronted with someones death we may even feel happy, as it allows us a chance to reflect on all the good times we shared with that person when they where alive. Even feeling nothing is ok. The best recommendation I can give, is to just take time to reflect on your grandmother, think about her life, and what she meant to you. Also, reflect on the lives of your other loved ones around you. Look for ways in which you can enrich your relationships in a way that honors her. Whether this be talking things out, or simply spending more time together.

Based on my own beliefs, I pray for her to make a pleasant transition from this world to the next, and that she continue to watch over and guide you and your family toward happier lives on this earth, and towards a blessed afterlife.

Namu Amida Butsu.

God bless, and Happy Easter,
Mike

[lew_1987]

no its not wrong. everyone deals with it in their own way. if you had already come to accept her death earlier then that is up to you. of course you are sad about it, its just that not everyone cries or shows it in obvious ways. i am sorry to hear about your loss. my cat died yesterday. i'm sad about it and i cried, even though the past few months ive known she was gonna go soon.

[biodegradable]

thanks.
i really appreciate this.
it just weirds me out that my whole family is openly showing their emotions, and it hasnt really struck me that she's gone. death is a funny thing. it's like i've lost something, but i cant remember what. i cant cry because i dont know what it is that's gone missing.

[FatJordan]

Don't worry about a lack of emotion, I was the same way when my grandfather died when I was much younger. It's a bummer now because I don't have any living grandparents, but it just makes you cherish time a little more when more and more people you know die.

It's good ot hear you're doing alright though, some people just can't handle with deaths in their families.

[thejetstolehome]

my grandmother passed away yesterday.
it's my first real 'death in the family' deal.
my whole family has been crying, upset, the whole shebang. but i have yet to cry or be sad. i already came to grips with her death a long time ago. she's been sort of 'dying' for the last year, so it didnt come to me as a shock. i havent actually seen her in years. my sister thinks badly of me because i havent cried or been upset. i feel like i should cry just to respect my grandmother or something, but i cant. is this wrong?

no, it's not at all.

dealing with death is the worst. my paternal grandfather died in July and then my maternal grandmother died in February. i'm honestly surprised i'm still a relatively composed person.

[caityconundrum]

basically the same thing happened to me last summer.
my dad's mom died and i didn't cry and he actually guilted me about it at one point.
it was the first death around me as well and it wasn't like i knew her that well,
so it was hard to be as upset about it as my dad was.
but there's nothing wrong with that.

[swirlofhues]

people deal with it differently. i know plenty of people who've lost their grandmother or grandfather and they don't cry, they aren't really sure what to feel. i think the point of a death is just to reflect on the person's life, and maybe your rememberance of her wouldn't be as intense of an experience as it would be for your mom and dad. younger siblings usually take it harder, too, because comprehending death is heavy at a young age. they're easily influenced by all the hurt people around them, and they start crying.

[nonamesleft]

my grandmother passed away yesterday.
it's my first real 'death in the family' deal.
my whole family has been crying, upset, the whole shebang. but i have yet to cry or be sad. i already came to grips with her death a long time ago. she's been sort of 'dying' for the last year, so it didnt come to me as a shock. i havent actually seen her in years. my sister thinks badly of me because i havent cried or been upset. i feel like i should cry just to respect my grandmother or something, but i cant. is this wrong?

Something like that happened to me when my grandfather died. My whole family was a wreck, yet I couldn't cry.
And I don't know what I'm trying to say here? I guess I'm just saying you're not the only one..

[PadraicPrincess]

no you are really not the only one. my grandmother died and I didn't cry once. what was even worse was that people would come up to be and say they were sorry and it was just so bad because i truely wanted to be sad but i just couldn't. anyways don't worry about it, i'm sure it has happened to quite a few.

[Peach]

Don't feel bad for not feeling bad! It's all good. I forgot how to cry. Haven't cried in a few months, despite the many situations that might call for it.
Death is collateral damage to moral. That's pretty much it. It's depressing, but not getting hysterically sad just shows self-control, not heartlessness. But if, eventually, you do get emotional, that's okay too. No one needs their self-control after a death in the family.
Just make sure you're sensitive to those who are getting really upset. It'll just be more on your dark side if you've got guilt for making the sad sadder.
Does that make any sense?

[Cato11087]

When my grandmother passed away I really didn't cry until the wake, cause that's when it finally hit me. But honsetly, some people never cry at times like this, it's kind of their way with coping with it.

[superflybrah]

everybody deals with deaths in different ways. i know when my grandmother passed away last year i never cried, but when i was at the funeral i did. but, when it comes to these sorts of things the only thing you can do is think of the positive side of things. so i just kept thinking how grateful i was to be able to say bye to her, and spend some time with her the day before her death. oh and im sure your sister is just going through a rough time with the death of your grandmother, she will eventually come to terms with it all. sorry for your loss. Casey xx

[biodegradable]

i really appreciate all this.
im glad to know that im not the only one out there. it just sucks when your family sorta looks down on you for the fact that you're not sad. i made the mistake of saying that i wasnt crying because i wasnt sad that she has passed on, and some of my family took it the wrong way. its just weird, cause it hasnt necessarily hit me yet, and i dont think it will. i mean, she been brain dead for the last couple years, so i already came to terms with her death. she has 'died' a lot, and my family freaked out every time. i just got sick of the whole freaking out thing, and i think that since it finally really did happen, it hasnt phased me.
thanks guys- i really appreciate the help. ap really is the best.
(thanks for not suggesting anal, though it would have been interesting to try as a coping method. hahah, just kiddng. really, thanks so much. you guys are the besty-best.)

[lew_1987]

if you think you feel bad... i laughed when my gran died. i was soo young i didn't know what was going on, i didn't know what to do. i just saw everyone's sad faces and laughed. don't ask me why cos i dont know...

[cfear]

my grandmother passed away yesterday.
it's my first real 'death in the family' deal.
my whole family has been crying, upset, the whole shebang. but i have yet to cry or be sad. i already came to grips with her death a long time ago. she's been sort of 'dying' for the last year, so it didnt come to me as a shock. i havent actually seen her in years. my sister thinks badly of me because i havent cried or been upset. i feel like i should cry just to respect my grandmother or something, but i cant. is this wrong?

People die. It's no big deal.

[Cato11087]

People die. It's no big deal.

:smackhim:

[biodegradable]

People die. It's no big deal.

what exactly prompted you to be such an asshole?

[biodegradable]

:smackhim:

thanks bud. you rock.

[cfear]

what exactly prompted you to be such an asshole?

Nothing. It's 100% true. Once you're born you're set to die. It's like taking shits: Everyone does it. Why think otherwise? Sometimes it sucks when people die, but it was always going to happen. We aren't fucking immortal. Some just died right now, somewhere.

[Cato11087]

thanks bud. you rock.

No problem.;-)

Nothing. It's 100% true. Once you're born you're set to die. It's like taking shits: Everyone does it. Why think otherwise? Sometimes it sucks when people die, but it was always going to happen. We aren't fucking immortal. Some just died right now, somewhere.

Your outlook is incredibly immature. You're forgetting the whole spectrum of emotions, a bond between people is something that can never be replaced, especially after someone close to you dies. Are you really that ignorant? Grow up, seriously.

[Bob Payne]

You don't have to cry or feel that terrible that your grandma died. I mean, hell, she was old. She lived to actually be someone's grandmother. Its not like she died before "her time." Tell your family to get over it.

I don't know, I think I'm just biased. I've never had the luxury of having the people in my life die of old age. It blows. Be grateful.

[biodegradable]

No problem.;-)



Your outlook is incredibly immature. You're forgetting the whole spectrum of emotions, a bond between people is something that can never be replaced, especially after someone close to you dies. Are you really that ignorant? Grow up, seriously.

you took the words right out of my mouth.

i mean, honestly. have you ever even experienced a death before? some people think 'oh yeah, it's just her grandma. she was old anyways." yeah, she was. but that doesnt mean that im not going to miss the bond we shared. it was awesome. she was a fucking cool lady. and i never got to say goodbye. i pity you and the fact that you have such a heartless outlook on life.

[cfear]

you took the words right out of my mouth.

i mean, honestly. have you ever even experienced a death before? some people think 'oh yeah, it's just her grandma. she was old anyways." yeah, she was. but that doesnt mean that im not going to miss the bond we shared. it was awesome. she was a fucking cool lady. and i never got to say goodbye. i pity you and the fact that you have such a heartless outlook on life.

I've experience death many times. The lady that I considered my second mom died a year ago. I survived. Making a big deal out of death is something I think isn't good to do. Remember the person, but feeling bad about death is so negative. I always think on the lighter side. People die. Okay.