A Dilly Of A Pickle

[matt_rawlings]

Here's the lowdown;

I met a girl two years ago who I really liked, but didn't get into a relationship with because I was moving away to go to university and she still had to finish up college and such. However, we have stayed really good friends since and hooked up a couple of times since I moved away.

Last summer she started going out with a really good friend of mine who I have known for about 6 years. They were together for about 6 months, then broke up at the end of January.

When I went back home to visit last week, me and this girl ended up hooking up a bunch of times, although we haven't told anyone because her ex/my good friend is still really bummed out about them breaking up.

Now, they weren't particularly that good together (he read her diary, checked her phone and generally got creepy), but I still know that getting with a friends ex isnt cool.

The thing is, I really like her though.

Advice?

[danielineffigy]

Here's the lowdown;

I met a girl two years ago who I really liked, but didn't get into a relationship with because I was moving away to go to university and she still had to finish up college and such. However, we have stayed really good friends since and hooked up a couple of times since I moved away.

Last summer she started going out with a really good friend of mine who I have known for about 6 years. They were together for about 6 months, then broke up at the end of January.

When I went back home to visit last week, me and this girl ended up hooking up a bunch of times, although we haven't told anyone because her ex/my good friend is still really bummed out about them breaking up.

Now, they weren't particularly that good together (he read her diary, checked her phone and generally got creepy), but I still know that getting with a friends ex isnt cool.

The thing is, I really like her though.

Advice?
Didn't your friend get with your ex first? If they're broken up, and he doesn't see that kind of thing as being so awful, go for it. Don't let it slip because you feel sorry for someone who did to you what you feel uncomfortable doing to him.

[biodegradable]

uhm
wow. you really are in a dilly of a pickle.
do you like her liker her? you have to figure out if it is more than a physical attraction to her; i mean, is it worth loosing a friend over a piece of ass? if she really is worth it, take it slow. you will most likely get into a nasty beef with your friend, because if he was jealous of her, then he obviously really liked her. be careful with your friend. if he was reading her diary, then he obviously has some self-confidence issues. he isnt confident enough in himself to believe that she wasnt cheating on him when he was with him. him knowing that you guys hooked up might crush him. but not telling him and then having him find out might be really bad too, if not worse.

sorry if this is totally confusing. either way, youre pretty much fucked. i mean, you continue to stay with her in a secret relationship, or you let your friend know.
good luck man. you really are in a pickle. a really sour one.
my heart goes out to you.

[matt_rawlings]

Didn't your friend get with your ex first? If they're broken up, and he doesn't see that kind of thing as being so awful, go for it. Don't let it slip because you feel sorry for someone who did to you what you feel uncomfortable doing to him.

Yeah, but the thing is when my friend got with her, it was about a year after any history with me and this girl, and we seperated on completely cool terms, which may be the first and only time that has genuinely happened.

But yeah, I did get with her many times before they even met.

[matt_rawlings]

uhm
wow. you really are in a dilly of a pickle.
do you like her liker her? you have to figure out if it is more than a physical attraction to her; i mean, is it worth loosing a friend over a piece of ass? if she really is worth it, take it slow. you will most likely get into a nasty beef with your friend, because if he was jealous of her, then he obviously really liked her. be careful with your friend. if he was reading her diary, then he obviously has some self-confidence issues. he isnt confident enough in himself to believe that she wasnt cheating on him when he was with him. him knowing that you guys hooked up might crush him. but not telling him and then having him find out might be really bad too, if not worse.

sorry if this is totally confusing. either way, youre pretty much fucked. i mean, you continue to stay with her in a secret relationship, or you let your friend know.
good luck man. you really are in a pickle. a really sour one.
my heart goes out to you.

This is the thing, I told her I am going to need some time to get my head straight, because I really care for her, and not just in a physical way (in no way am I that sort of guy).

As for the part in bold, thats very much what I am worried about.

Thanks for your advice, it has kind of solidifed alot of things I was mulling over because now I know its not just me.

I mean, part of me feels awful for how I feel about her, but another part of me knows that I deserve this (I prove the rule that "Nice guys finish last" almost every other month) and I care for her alot.

[AnF1500]

Usually if you actually sit down and explain to your friend what the situation really is.....how much you actually like her blah blah.....they're usually ok with it. Obviously they're not jumping for joy but they'll ok it. And you probably want to get it in the open with him now, the longer these things wait the larger they tend to blow up in your face.

[meeotch]

If it comes down to it, I would try and talk to your friend about it if you plan on getting serious with her. Won't be the easiest thing but hopefully it would help.

[matt_rawlings]

Hmmmm

[strobelife]

this is how I look at it. Although people tell me I tend to oversimplify things.

If you want to start a relationship with her. Then start one. Let your friend know the whole story and tell him that you and her are going to be together and he will have to deal with it. Well put it nicer than that but you get the idea. The way I see it is: Your making the decision. Make it for yourself and not someone else. Because the only person you have to answer to is yourself.

[theguilt engine]

You really only have one option, and that is to tell him everything. Make sure he knows that you two had something before he dated her...

My girlfriend and I both read each others phone. We like to pretend like we're going to find something 'secret' that we never knew about, but it will never happen. Ahaha.

[Cato11087]

This is the thing, I told her I am going to need some time to get my head straight, because I really care for her, and not just in a physical way (in no way am I that sort of guy).

As for the part in bold, thats very much what I am worried about.

Thanks for your advice, it has kind of solidifed alot of things I was mulling over because now I know its not just me.

I mean, part of me feels awful for how I feel about her, but another part of me knows that I deserve this (I prove the rule that "Nice guys finish last" almost every other month) and I care for her alot.

I never understood why the nice guys finished last. It's happened to me a few times, i've seen it happen to other people, but still don't get why. :shrug:

[biodegradable]

This is the thing, I told her I am going to need some time to get my head straight, because I really care for her, and not just in a physical way (in no way am I that sort of guy).

As for the part in bold, thats very much what I am worried about.

Thanks for your advice, it has kind of solidifed alot of things I was mulling over because now I know its not just me.

I mean, part of me feels awful for how I feel about her, but another part of me knows that I deserve this (I prove the rule that "Nice guys finish last" almost every other month) and I care for her alot.

glad to know i was some sort of assistance. good luck with this whole debacle- hope it turns out okay.

[matt_rawlings]

Its nice to have some unbiased advice to turn to.

[biodegradable]

Its nice to have some unbiased advice to turn to.

i know exactly what you mean.

[matt_rawlings]

Yeah;

Especially as I cannot turn to anyone I know about this due to the sensitivity of the situation.

Even if someone is amazing at keeping a secret, they almost always tell at least one other person, they just dont tell you they have told someone else.

Then they tell other people in turn and it just blows up like crazy before you know it.

Not to mention the crazy biased

[FondestMemory]

chill with her for a while first. take things slow. make sure you'll work out together. i know you think you will, but try it first. keep it low key and see what potential there really is.

if it seems like something that could work out amazingly, then explain to him that you're thinking of getting together with her. also explain the history you two had before he even met her.

that way may be kind of going behind your friends' back, but it also allows him more time to move on and get over it without throwing this on his lap. also, it'd suck to sort this all out and alienate yourself from him and then realize you two actually aren't right for each other and end up breaking up in a month, then you're out both of them.

just keep it low key for a while. don't lie about it, if he catches on admit you hang out. but no need to come forth with details until you feel everybody's ready.

[biodegradable]

Yeah;

Especially as I cannot turn to anyone I know about this due to the sensitivity of the situation.

Even if someone is amazing at keeping a secret, they almost always tell at least one other person, they just dont tell you they have told someone else.

Then they tell other people in turn and it just blows up like crazy before you know it.

Not to mention the crazy biased

this is why i love ap. people here are completely unbiased, and judge you differently than people who know you would.
yeah, you get the usual 'try anal' and shit like that, but then there are people who genuinely want to help, and thats really nice.

i know what you mean about the whole 'secret' thing. sometimes there are things better left unsaid. never, ever tell people you know know what you think about late at night, it will fuck you over. trust me. i told my close friend about some crazy things i had going down in my head,like about life and death, and she went ape-shit on me, saying i needed counseling and suicide help. sheesh.

[matt_rawlings]

chill with her for a while first. take things slow. make sure you'll work out together. i know you think you will, but try it first. keep it low key and see what potential there really is.

if it seems like something that could work out amazingly, then explain to him that you're thinking of getting together with her. also explain the history you two had before he even met her.

that way may be kind of going behind your friends' back, but it also allows him more time to move on and get over it without throwing this on his lap. also, it'd suck to sort this all out and alienate yourself from him and then realize you two actually aren't right for each other and end up breaking up in a month, then you're out both of them.

just keep it low key for a while. don't lie about it, if he catches on admit you hang out. but no need to come forth with details until you feel everybody's ready.

Thankyou!

That is word for word what I have been thinking about doing, and what I have been doing.

I mean, she is moving near me again to study in about 4 months, so I think we are going to keep it chill for those months. Then when the times comes and we have established where we stand with each other I think I will proceed to talk with him about it

[LostSymphonies]

shove it up your ass rawlings

just kidding

just do it, your friend will get over it, if not he's not a good friend

[Veritas11]

This is the thing, I told her I am going to need some time to get my head straight, because I really care for her, and not just in a physical way (in no way am I that sort of guy).

As for the part in bold, thats very much what I am worried about.

Thanks for your advice, it has kind of solidifed alot of things I was mulling over because now I know its not just me.

I mean, part of me feels awful for how I feel about her, but another part of me knows that I deserve this (I prove the rule that "Nice guys finish last" almost every other month) and I care for her alot.

I know the feeling.

[popdisaster00]

dude you met her first, you knew her first, you hooked up with her before he did...if it's gonna make you happy, then do it! you have no reason not to

[vandalsandquinn]

Go for it. If he opposes, kill him.

But seriously, tell your friend how you feel before trying to get things to go any further with the girl. Then if he approves, get yourself laid

[forgiveorescape]

oh wow. but you really should give it a try even though it is really bad to get with a friend's ex you really like her and you shouldnt let your friend be in the way.

[Fuce]

bros b4 hos!

nah, but seriously, if he is a good friend, just talk to him about it and let him know whats up. That'll go a long way towards saving the friendship if you do get with her. At least, if I was him it would.

[deapcutz]

I say follow your heart and just explain to your friend how you feel. But make sure that you really-really like her and your not making this chioce in the heat of the moment because you just might lose a friend.

[Chancetobe]

I liked the idea about keeping it casual for a while to see if it works out. If you don't do anything official for a bit, but it seems like you two are really working out, then just tell your friend and go for it.