Something That Happened

[Ilovepoprock]

The ties and the connections
That tie my soul to yours
Have grown frayed with splinters and dangerous edges
The wire is matted with mud
From dragging along together
And I doubt very much that i can see your face and not cry
Because of something that happened

The ties I kept sacred
only tied to yours
are stretched and handed out
my ties are stretched beyond return
My ideals and my conscious
That kept those ties strong
Are faded away like string made brittle from the sun
And I doubt very much that I'm any good for you
Because of something that happened

A pile of strings
void of any meaning
something must have happened

[a speedo model]

I liked this, could use some work. It felt rough at times. And the repitition of the word "ties" got annoying after a while, haha. But that's just me being picky.

[Ilovepoprock]

I liked this, could use some work. It felt rough at times. And the repitition of the word "ties" got annoying after a while, haha. But that's just me being picky.

I figured it would be redundant, but I wanted a constant to represent something clearly, and I think I'll lose that if i use words that are synonomous, instead.

Any suggestions to that?

[CellarGhosts]

I liked this. Yeah, it's a little rough around the edges, and so forth, but a very good effort, in my opinion. Nice job.

[Ilovepoprock]

Thank you, any additional feed back or constructive criticism would be great.

[Ilovepoprock]

I made a revision:

The ties and the connections
That kept my soul to yours
Have grown frayed with splinters and dangerous edges
The wire is matted with mud
From dragging along together
And I doubt very much that i can see your face and not cry
Because of something that happened

The ties I made sacred
only kept to yours
are broken and distorted
They are altered beyond return
My ideals and my conscious
That kept those ties strong
Are faded away like string made brittle from the sun
And I doubt very much that I'm any good for you
Because of something that happened

A pile of strings
void of any meaning
something must have happened

[liz123]

I like the metaphorical use of ties and string and especially the last verse I find quite powerful. However, it doesn't flow in parts probably as it is a little too wordy... "dangerous" bit. I don't know if it is there and I can't see it but maybe add in a verse giving a little more of a hint to what that something actually is because it just leaves the piece too vague..that's my opinion.