this song is different from my others....

[BuriedAlive]

this song is really different. it probably isnt all that good. but this is how i have been feeling lately.

if only i could find a way to say sorry
show you how much i meant it
maybe you would forgive me
let me rest in peace, die happy
its hard when i see you walking in the halls
my heart begins to pound, unsure of what to do
i just wish i could get the courage to just say im sorry
end this little tragedy, you know i love you,
and i never meant to hurt you, your overreacting
it wasnt that big of a deal, just hear me out
if i could only find the words to tell you im sorry
only build up the courage to say that im sorry
the pain this brings, i keep it bottled inside
i cant withstand it much more, i have to apologize
show you how much i care, cause baby
you are the reason im still here
you're the one who keeps my heart beating
you're the one that its hard to live without
you're the first one i said "i love you" too and meant it
you have no idea how much i care
i cant find a way to explain it
im sorry
please forgive me
im sorry
please forgive me
im sorry
please forgive me

[proeuthanasia]

it's alright. i'm glad that it's an expression of your feelings, but it seems like you aren't pushing yourself in your writing lately. it's stunting your lyricism. there's nothing wrong with the song...it's just not the genius i've seen you produce in the past. good job though.

[wewin]

um

yeah, i agree. it's like you aren't even trying anymore.

and hyperbole just weakens a love song. this girl (it's a girl, right?) isn't LITERALLY keeping your heart beating, so it just sounds like melodrama--like some shitty teen movie or soap opera--and it makes your song seem less real.

if this song is addressed to the girl (it's a girl, right?), then write what you'd actually say to her. i don't think that you'd say this stuff...(you'd better not...).

if this song is supposed to be a good song in its own right, then it needs some more pizazz...pi...pizzazz...some flair.

"you know, the nazis made the jews wear flair" - peter gibbons, office space

the good kind of flair.

[BuriedAlive]

ya i know wewin, i posted to have guys like you help me out. im not good at writing love songs. but its been weird lately and yes it is a girl. i do gotta make it more realisitc. i never have had problems with getting girls, but shes different.

but also when i try my hardest i still get smacked around for being cliche. and it pisses me off. which has stopped my motivation for writing. they say having people tell you that your songs are good make your ego bigger, well they dont do that to me they give me confidence to write better. but now everyone is just like ya its cliche. so i dont see a point in pouring my heart out to any of you, just to read that you think its cliche. so i just post my lowest quality work now. what i think is real good, im not going to even bother posting here. you guy will only say its cliche, and i dont need that.

[ISuckYoungBlood]

Originally posted by BuriedAlive
ya i know wewin, i posted to have guys like you help me out. im not good at writing love songs. but its been weird lately and yes it is a girl. i do gotta make it more realisitc. i never have had problems with getting girls, but shes different.

but also when i try my hardest i still get smacked around for being cliche. and it pisses me off. which has stopped my motivation for writing. they say having people tell you that your songs are good make your ego bigger, well they dont do that to me they give me confidence to write better. but now everyone is just like ya its cliche. so i dont see a point in pouring my heart out to any of you, just to read that you think its cliche. so i just post my lowest quality work now. what i think is real good, im not going to even bother posting here. you guy will only say its cliche, and i dont need that.

Man I understand you but your mis-interperating everything. I love to see your songs and shit, none of them are ever terrible, some are ok, some are really good. But if I just told you they were really good, then the song could never be great. Ya know? I would never tell anyone leave it as it is, because there always room for improvement like I said on another post. I really dont hope me analyzing your post sends you a negative message of stop trying, I am really truely sorry, but I just want to help you evolve in to the best writer you can be.

[wewin]

dude, i like commenting on your stuff. the point of my criticism is not to make you neurotic. it is not to make you doubt your abilities. it is to make you better at writing. of late, you haven't done your best work. i think that if you try harder, then it'll work better. just let things come to you and then write about it. i can't force inspiration; when i forcibly write a song it sucks. maybe you've reached that stage too, or maybe you just need a break from writing. there's really no point in posting low quality work, is there? post your good stuff. i wanna see it.

[proeuthanasia]

i have to second each of the two kids above me, chris. when i comment on your lyrics, i criticize, sure, but my intentions are to help you out. not to make you feel less confident in your writing. don't try to write...just let it...come. that sounds corny as hell, but it's the truth. i love you man. you are truly a good writer. don't stop or lose faith in yourself nor your abilities as a lyricist. and sure as hell don't let anyone else make you feel like you aren't talented or whatever. if some kids don't like your stuff because they're hung up about 'cliches', then fuck em. shuffle through the shit, and pick out the posts that really give you advice, that you feel could help you improve instead of just putting you down. put up the good stuff. all i have to say.