When do I let her know?

[richter915]

So this is about relationships. I'm like...20 now or whatever. Me and my ex broke up about a year back and I'm essentially over her but I haven't found any worth while women since. About a month or two back my roommate introduces me to his friend and she and I get along pretty well...acc. to my roommate she and I make great friends...but also according to my roommate she and I'd make a great couple. Problem is, she just recently broke up. It's one of those "I wanna stay w/ u but it's best if we don't"...she's still in love w/ her ex essentially. Now, I've found my feelings growing for her and I really don't know what to do. We're somewhat flirty and lately we've been talking to each other late into the night and stuff. When do you guys feel it's best for me to let her know I'm into her or not? I want to date her and hopefully have something serious with her. She says she's not ready for dating again so I'm asking you ladies...how long does that period generally last where you just don't wanna be w/ another guy? I don't wanna ruin my friendship with her though by telling her. I know if I told her and she said no...I'd be ok with it but I think she'd feel awkward around me...seems inevitable. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

[AP_Punk]

I'm pretty much going through the same thing right now.

[atticus1492]

Tonight.

[richter915]

I'm pretty much going through the same thing right now.
It sounds so lame like wow i'm 20 I should just man-up and get shit done. But honestly, for me, finding a girl of quality is tough...u don't wanna lose em as friends but you don't wanna be just friends.

[atticus1492]

It sounds so lame like wow i'm 20 I should just man-up and get shit done. But honestly, for me, finding a girl of quality is tough...u don't wanna lose em as friends but you don't wanna be just friends.

By not doing anything, you will just be friends. If you do something, there is a chance you will be more than friends.

[AP_Punk]

It sounds so lame like wow i'm 20 I should just man-up and get shit done. But honestly, for me, finding a girl of quality is tough...u don't wanna lose em as friends but you don't wanna be just friends.

Haha, I feel the same way. And I'm just afraid of getting shot down after I tell her how I feel. If that happens, it gets a little awkward.

Hmph.

[heartsynapse]

How long was this girl with her boyfriend before they broke up?

[richter915]

By not doing anything, you will just be friends. If you do something, there is a chance you will be more than friends.
I agree with you completely but I think the timing of it is crucial and that's what I'm confused about. Too soon then it's a disaster and too late and she'll see me as "just a friend" and not wanna change that.

then again...this girl says she only dates friends...hmm....

[richter915]

How long was this girl with her boyfriend before they broke up?
I dunno exactly how long...My guess would be anywhere between half a year and one year. She really really liked this guy. She still does too.

[AP_Punk]

Tell her ... soon.

I think I will.

[richter915]

Tell her ... soon.

I think I will.
we should totally do it the same day

and when we both get rejected...get absolutely blasted and fuck some random prostitutes. lol.

[heartsynapse]

I dunno exactly how long...My guess would be anywhere between half a year and one year. She really really liked this guy. She still does too.

That is a pretty significant amount of time. I would try to talk to her about getting over it/help her through the situation. If it was a mutual breakup then you probably wouldn't need to wait as long to tell her about your feelings for her, but if he just dumped her and she feels rejected etc etc, it might take a bit longer for her to get over it.

[AP_Punk]

we should totally do it the same day

and when we both get rejected...get absolutely blasted and fuck some random prostitutes. lol.

Haha, sounds good!

:thumbup:

[richter915]

That is a pretty significant amount of time. I would try to talk to her about getting over it/help her through the situation. If it was a mutual breakup then you probably wouldn't need to wait as long to tell her about your feelings for her, but if he just dumped her and she feels rejected etc etc, it might take a bit longer for her to get over it.
I see. I mean, she uses the word love a bunch in relation to the guy. And this guy lives on campus and is one of her best friends. I did offer my support to her...last night actually she called me up about four thirty AM and semi-vented. I worry that if I do that...what if she sees me as a friend you know? Girls usually vent to friends, not their next interest. And I disagree...I think the mutual breakup makes it harder because the two don't like each other any less. If he devastated her, I think she'd be like "well, at least I know there's a reason for this" and would get over it sooner. Instead, they're trying to still be good friends...ugh.

[heartsynapse]

I see. I mean, she uses the word love a bunch in relation to the guy. And this guy lives on campus and is one of her best friends. I did offer my support to her...last night actually she called me up about four thirty AM and semi-vented. I worry that if I do that...what if she sees me as a friend you know? Girls usually vent to friends, not their next interest. And I disagree...I think the mutual breakup makes it harder because the two don't like each other any less. If he devastated her, I think she'd be like "well, at least I know there's a reason for this" and would get over it sooner. Instead, they're trying to still be good friends...ugh.
Ughh, that is a pain. I mean, I guess you should tell her to avoid that whole "just friends" situation, but it might put her in a bit of an awkward position if she isn't over him yet...which is seems like she isn't. Just make sure if you tell her that you aren't looking for any sort of answer right now and that you just wanted to tell her..that way it's not pressuring her.

[richter915]

Ughh, that is a pain. I mean, I guess you should tell her to avoid that whole "just friends" situation, but it might put her in a bit of an awkward position if she isn't over him yet...which is seems like she isn't. Just make sure if you tell her that you aren't looking for any sort of answer right now and that you just wanted to tell her..that way it's not pressuring her.
ohh that's a good call...I didn't think of that. I want to approach this as coolly as possible, I don't want to push her into anything. Thanks I appreciate it.

[heartsynapse]

ohh that's a good call...I didn't think of that. I want to approach this as coolly as possible, I don't want to push her into anything. Thanks I appreciate it.
No problem, I hope it works out for the best.

[AP_Punk]

K, things didn't go as planned. So, I think tomorrow night.

Haha...:hitself:

[richter915]

K, things didn't go as planned. So, I think tomorrow night.

Haha...:hitself:
suckssssssss lol. I still dunno what to do about this chick. All I know is i pissed her off tonight and she won't be comin' around later. oh well lol.

[Chancetobe]

I think you should just tell her. But also mention that you know she still has a thing for her ex, and if she does like you, you wouldn't want to let that get in the way. So, tell her that you would like to be more than friends, and if at any point in the future she wants that as well, please let you know.

[richter915]

I think you should just tell her. But also mention that you know she still has a thing for her ex, and if she does like you, you wouldn't want to let that get in the way. So, tell her that you would like to be more than friends, and if at any point in the future she wants that as well, please let you know.
i doubt that if she liked her ex she'd like me. That's part of why i'm apprehensive about this all. I think you bring up a good point in that I think I oughta let her know because I feel like we're approaching that fork where we either start seein each other as friends or start seein each other as much more. The "no pressure" approach seems smart, I'll think about that. Thank you for the help and any other advice is appreciated.

[Chancetobe]

i doubt that if she liked her ex she'd like me. That's part of why i'm apprehensive about this all. I think you bring up a good point in that I think I oughta let her know because I feel like we're approaching that fork where we either start seein each other as friends or start seein each other as much more. The "no pressure" approach seems smart, I'll think about that. Thank you for the help and any other advice is appreciated.

See. I would disagree with that. It is more than possible to have feelings for more than one person. Your feelings will probably be stronger for one person, but that doesn't mean you can't like another as well. So by telling her, you give her the opportunity to realize whether or not she has any feelings for you. Plus, if you do start something, it could help her begin to like you more and start to get over this other guy.

I'm not that great with this type stuff, because I personally am too shy to ever tell anyone my feelings. But, try telling her anyway, and see how that goes. And we can try to adjust the game plan from there.

[cris545]

See. I would disagree with that. It is more than possible to have feelings for more than one person. Your feelings will probably be stronger for one person, but that doesn't mean you can't like another as well. So by telling her, you give her the opportunity to realize whether or not she has any feelings for you. Plus, if you do start something, it could help her begin to like you more and start to get over this other guy.

I'm not that great with this type stuff, because I personally am too shy to ever tell anyone my feelings. But, try telling her anyway, and see how that goes. And we can try to adjust the game plan from there.
That varies from person to person though, sometimes people are completely oblivious of everyone else around them because they're concentrated on one person. There's the possibility that she might like him or at least have the thought in the back of her head, but you can't count on that for sure.

[SHANNONMASSACRE]

hm.hint at it.if she's into you.she'll let you know.like take her out to dinner or something.

[trustmeimokay]

i doubt that if she liked her ex she'd like me. That's part of why i'm apprehensive about this all. I think you bring up a good point in that I think I oughta let her know because I feel like we're approaching that fork where we either start seein each other as friends or start seein each other as much more. The "no pressure" approach seems smart, I'll think about that. Thank you for the help and any other advice is appreciated.
Is he kind of like your opposite almost? My girlfriend has pretty much exclusively dated guys who were my opposites haha. But she's happiest with me. It's weird how things work out. Gopher it.

[richter915]

See. I would disagree with that. It is more than possible to have feelings for more than one person. Your feelings will probably be stronger for one person, but that doesn't mean you can't like another as well. So by telling her, you give her the opportunity to realize whether or not she has any feelings for you. Plus, if you do start something, it could help her begin to like you more and start to get over this other guy.

I'm not that great with this type stuff, because I personally am too shy to ever tell anyone my feelings. But, try telling her anyway, and see how that goes. And we can try to adjust the game plan from there.
No I think you gave some good advice and I see what you're getting at but I do think she's the other type in that she's very much into one person at a time. I mean, she hasn't really gotten over this guy and that's my concern...is it a wise move for me to let her know while she's still getting over him? My roommate told me that some dude told her that he was into her right after her first bf and her broke up...she said no and they're not friends anymore. I don't wanna be that guy.

[richter915]

hm.hint at it.if she's into you.she'll let you know.like take her out to dinner or something.
i wouldn't know the first thing to do. Though she and I are increasingly becoming more "physical" with each other. She gave me a dead arm the other night and I noogied her and almost threw her in the pond lol.

[richter915]

Is he kind of like your opposite almost? My girlfriend has pretty much exclusively dated guys who were my opposites haha. But she's happiest with me. It's weird how things work out. Gopher it.
hah. I dunno, the other guys she's dated seem to be somewhat like me. Very sciency dorky type. Hard workin. They do have certain advantages over me though. It does give me hope though cause these guys were straight up ugly so...good times.

[Iamhome]

So this is about relationships. I'm like...20 now or whatever. Me and my ex broke up about a year back and I'm essentially over her but I haven't found any worth while women since. About a month or two back my roommate introduces me to his friend and she and I get along pretty well...acc. to my roommate she and I make great friends...but also according to my roommate she and I'd make a great couple. Problem is, she just recently broke up. It's one of those "I wanna stay w/ u but it's best if we don't"...she's still in love w/ her ex essentially. Now, I've found my feelings growing for her and I really don't know what to do. We're somewhat flirty and lately we've been talking to each other late into the night and stuff. When do you guys feel it's best for me to let her know I'm into her or not? I want to date her and hopefully have something serious with her. She says she's not ready for dating again so I'm asking you ladies...how long does that period generally last where you just don't wanna be w/ another guy? I don't wanna ruin my friendship with her though by telling her. I know if I told her and she said no...I'd be ok with it but I think she'd feel awkward around me...seems inevitable. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

Girls want to know that you're into them without you telling them. You should never expect to say "I like you" with a great response unless they already know you're head over heels for them. My advice, as AP's Resident Relationship Guru, would be:

1. Set a date to 'hang out' with her... Take her out, go to a nice place, have a good friendly dinner with her. You don't want to make it awkward by making it seem like a date. She'll get the hint by you taking her to dinner - coffee - wherever you choose. Make sure YOU pay and be genuinely nice as you have been. The good thing about this, you can still be yourself but she'll see what a great guy you are - and you wont feel like it's a date, because you didn't set it up as one.
2. Be cute... I'm sure she is already liking you for a number of reasons - or else she wouldn't be flirting. Push the boundaries of flirting... when you're in the car, reach over and place your hand on hers... from there out, make actions based on her reactions. If she smiles and gets giddy, say, oh I'm sorry I didn't realize your hand was there. (it might sound lame, but it works)... If she looks at you weird say the same thing, but know that she isn't ready for 'le touch.'
3. Follow-up... when the night is over, be sure to let her know you had a great time... don't be pushy for a kiss but keep good eyecontact and give her what I like to call 'sex eyes.' It's where you look at her so deeply(in her eyes, not at her chest) when talking to her, she knows you want her. Give her the most passionate hug (squeeze her tight and make sure she feels your body up against hers) and whisper in her ear (we have to do this again, real soon)...

To answer your question on 'how long it takes for a girl to get over her ex', there is no set time. She either wants to or she doesn't. No matter how much she wants you, there is no guarantee you will win the girl. Having her fall for you is a great way for her to realize that she doesn't need the ex. Make sure to put little-no pressure on her in this stage, as it is crucial. Just show her a good time, and give her a glipse of what life would be like with you. Remember not to get hurt if things don't work out - 90% of the time it has nothing to do with you...

[chronomic]

anal

[chronomic]

haha sorry it was going to be said sooner or later anyway


hope everything works out, ive been in thing(s) like this before and its always tough.






fuckin girls...

[richter915]

anal
haha don't worry about it. I'm surprised it took till the 29th post to get that.

you bring up an interesting point actually. I find her body absolutely gross. She's thin, very uncurvy, but her cuteness shines above all that...she's got the sweetest face I'd ever seen...i feel so gay saying that but sluts make u think this way sometimes.

oh and she wants me to stop referring to all women as "hoes and sluts"...i might have to punch her in the face for that.

[Chancetobe]

No I think you gave some good advice and I see what you're getting at but I do think she's the other type in that she's very much into one person at a time. I mean, she hasn't really gotten over this guy and that's my concern...is it a wise move for me to let her know while she's still getting over him? My roommate told me that some dude told her that he was into her right after her first bf and her broke up...she said no and they're not friends anymore. I don't wanna be that guy.

Well, clearly telling anyone you like them right after a break up is a bad idea. But it has been a few months right? If a suffiecient period of time has gone by, and it seems like there is no change for a reunion between her and her ex, i would go for it. However, if it kind of seems like something is begining to brew with the two of them, I would maybe wait.

[richter915]

Well, clearly telling anyone you like them right after a break up is a bad idea. But it has been a few months right? If a suffiecient period of time has gone by, and it seems like there is no change for a reunion between her and her ex, i would go for it. However, if it kind of seems like something is begining to brew with the two of them, I would maybe wait.
ya i know, it has been a month or two but from what I heard from my roommate...it took her about half a year to get over her first ex before she started seeing the next guy. So...i might have to wait a bit I guess. I mean, she constantly tells me that I'm not over my ex (which is bullshit) but I think she's just projecting her problem on to me...she can't get over her ex and by saying "look at u, it's been over a year and ur in love with her" it makes her feel better. That's crap. But it leaves the option of them two getting back together open which sucks.

[chronomic]

haha don't worry about it. I'm surprised it took till the 29th post to get that.

you bring up an interesting point actually. I find her body absolutely gross. She's thin, very uncurvy, but her cuteness shines above all that...she's got the sweetest face I'd ever seen...i feel so gay saying that but sluts make u think this way sometimes.

oh and she wants me to stop referring to all women as "hoes and sluts"...i might have to punch her in the face for that.

haha well that is an interesting point. and yes you should feel gay for saying that...even though i completely think the same way...

hah cute can be powerful...fuckin hoes...

[ezgil]

i am also in a near identical situation with you as well lol. even the descriptions of the girls we're going for are similar too haha. the difference for me would be that this girl has had more time to recover from her relationship. downside though is that things went terrible for her and she's still pretty shook up by everything involving her ex. we're flirty and everything just like your situation but sometimes I feel we might be going to the brother/sister route and not the other way.

timing is definately everything. things might already be too late for me, but i guess i'm still hoping for something lol. i'm glad there are plenty of other people in the same boat here, and good luck to you.

edit: anyone feel the saying that there's no such thing as friends between a guy and a girl to be true in this situation?

[richter915]

i am also in a near identical situation with you as well lol. even the descriptions of the girls we're going for are similar too haha. the difference for me would be that this girl has had more time to recover from her relationship. downside though is that things went terrible for her and she's still pretty shook up by everything involving her ex. we're flirty and everything just like your situation but sometimes I feel we might be going to the brother/sister route and not the other way.

timing is definately everything. things might already be too late for me, but i guess i'm still hoping for something lol. i'm glad there are plenty of other people in the same boat here, and good luck to you.

edit: anyone feel the saying that there's no such thing as friends between a guy and a girl to be true in this situation?
word that's my biggest concern...if her flirting is just friendly/brotherly and nothing more. It was so funny she came by w/ her roommate around 2 AM last night and was like "geez, I'm so mean to u all the time...kathleen (her roommate) am I ever this mean to other people" and kathleen goes "only people you really really care about" haha man it was awkward but I'm glad she said it so now I know that our behavior to each other might be more than just friends.

def. good to know that this isn't just me...i'm sure that there've been plenty of guys who come out on top in this situation so stay hopeful.

and yes, it's very difficult to say that guys and girls are just friends...the only time i can see that as true is when both of them are in relationships.

[mattybobviously]

Nearly 99% of the time, if a guy is friends with a girl, he is in some way attracted to her, regardless of whether he wants to hook up with her or not.

And yeah, I'm in this place too.

[redsand62]

i feel like there are too many variables to listen to a message board. just do it when you feel it's right.

[Dan CiTi]

Nearly 99% of the time, if a guy is friends with a girl, he is in some way attracted to her, regardless of whether he wants to hook up with her or not.

And yeah, I'm in this place too.
This is true. Whether it's looks or personality(for lack of a better word), this is so true. I can't really elaborate much on this more than some other people have.

[Chancetobe]

Nearly 99% of the time, if a guy is friends with a girl, he is in some way attracted to her, regardless of whether he wants to hook up with her or not.

And yeah, I'm in this place too.

Fascinating point. Not that it really means anything in regards to dating.

[richter915]

Fascinating point. Not that it really means anything in regards to dating.
ya but it means a lot in regards to friendship. And when she starts dating.

[Yankees' #1 Fan]

you are 20 years old, quit acting like such a mo.

[richter915]

you are 20 years old, quit acting like such a mo.
what's a mo?

[musicroxmysox]

Girls want to know that you're into them without you telling them. You should never expect to say "I like you" with a great response unless they already know you're head over heels for them. My advice, as AP's Resident Relationship Guru, would be:

1. Set a date to 'hang out' with her... Take her out, go to a nice place, have a good friendly dinner with her. You don't want to make it awkward by making it seem like a date. She'll get the hint by you taking her to dinner - coffee - wherever you choose. Make sure YOU pay and be genuinely nice as you have been. The good thing about this, you can still be yourself but she'll see what a great guy you are - and you wont feel like it's a date, because you didn't set it up as one.
2. Be cute... I'm sure she is already liking you for a number of reasons - or else she wouldn't be flirting. Push the boundaries of flirting... when you're in the car, reach over and place your hand on hers... from there out, make actions based on her reactions. If she smiles and gets giddy, say, oh I'm sorry I didn't realize your hand was there. (it might sound lame, but it works)... If she looks at you weird say the same thing, but know that she isn't ready for 'le touch.'
3. Follow-up... when the night is over, be sure to let her know you had a great time... don't be pushy for a kiss but keep good eyecontact and give her what I like to call 'sex eyes.' It's where you look at her so deeply(in her eyes, not at her chest) when talking to her, she knows you want her. Give her the most passionate hug (squeeze her tight and make sure she feels your body up against hers) and whisper in her ear (we have to do this again, real soon)...

To answer your question on 'how long it takes for a girl to get over her ex', there is no set time. She either wants to or she doesn't. No matter how much she wants you, there is no guarantee you will win the girl. Having her fall for you is a great way for her to realize that she doesn't need the ex. Make sure to put little-no pressure on her in this stage, as it is crucial. Just show her a good time, and give her a glipse of what life would be like with you. Remember not to get hurt if things don't work out - 90% of the time it has nothing to do with you...


very well put. you have to know that she wants something with you before you do something and i mean she definitely had time to get over her past relationship but it makes things more complicated when you're still likea round you ex you know what i mean?it's easier to get over someone if you don't have to see them that often which may be why it's taking her longer to get over her last boyfriend. in this situation i think she wants to be more than "just friends" with you but sometimes a girl doesn't want to be more. i'm in one of those situations right now because people think that me and my best guyfriend would be a good couple problem is he's like a brother and i could never be more than friends with him. other problem is he's going out with my old best friend, she's a really jealous girl and when she heard that people thought we would be a good couple she got really pissed off at me for some reason and we got into a huge fight because she thought i was trying to pull something with him behind her back now we don't really talk anymore and she always gets mad at me for talking to him so yeah that's basically why friday sucked for me. but yeah you have to make some sort of a move because i mean that's what relationships are about you have to take a leap of faith (i know that sounds cheesy but it's true) if you don't make a move you'll never know what could have happened if you did. i mean even if you do and she turns you down it'll be awkward for a while but you'llget over it and then you'll know that you at least tried.

p.s. sorry that got so long

[theguilt engine]

absolutely. wait a little while. i know it sucks, and i know it's hard to look at her and be "just friends" sometimes...but you have to do it. she MUST get over her ex and completely block him out before starting anything knew. or else, you could just become "rebound."

[Mr. Jacob]

tell her you love her, bang her, leave in the middle of the night, never talk to her again

:D

[Daneurysm]

It's different for every girl. I got out of a one year relationship and found another guy I liked enough to be with a month or two after...but I still wasn't over the previous. I also went out with a dude just because I was lonely and that was a big mistake...It didn't work out. It takes a decent amount of time. Just be there for her.


and listen to i'm the one by the descendents.

[richter915]

tell her you love her, bang her, leave in the middle of the night, never talk to her again

:D
now that's a plan.

[richter915]

absolutely. wait a little while. i know it sucks, and i know it's hard to look at her and be "just friends" sometimes...but you have to do it. she MUST get over her ex and completely block him out before starting anything knew. or else, you could just become "rebound."
honestly, i wouldn't care if i was just a rebound but she's not the kinda girl to do that sorta thing. She still constantly thinks about her ex and it drives me mad cause I hate seeing her depressed. I try and be there for her but she gets emotional around...five AM and I'm sleeping then and she doesn't wanna wake me. GUH!

[richter915]

very well put. you have to know that she wants something with you before you do something and i mean she definitely had time to get over her past relationship but it makes things more complicated when you're still likea round you ex you know what i mean?it's easier to get over someone if you don't have to see them that often which may be why it's taking her longer to get over her last boyfriend. in this situation i think she wants to be more than "just friends" with you but sometimes a girl doesn't want to be more. i'm in one of those situations right now because people think that me and my best guyfriend would be a good couple problem is he's like a brother and i could never be more than friends with him. other problem is he's going out with my old best friend, she's a really jealous girl and when she heard that people thought we would be a good couple she got really pissed off at me for some reason and we got into a huge fight because she thought i was trying to pull something with him behind her back now we don't really talk anymore and she always gets mad at me for talking to him so yeah that's basically why friday sucked for me. but yeah you have to make some sort of a move because i mean that's what relationships are about you have to take a leap of faith (i know that sounds cheesy but it's true) if you don't make a move you'll never know what could have happened if you did. i mean even if you do and she turns you down it'll be awkward for a while but you'llget over it and then you'll know that you at least tried.

p.s. sorry that got so long
I think u and the post u quoted make a good point but I have some issues...one I don't have a car cause I'm a bum but I can still take her places. Problem is, she NEVER has a free moment. She's kinda always busy and I think she does it for the purpose of not thinkin about her problems/her ex. If she never has a free moment, then her breaking up with her ex is justified (time conflict was one of the reasons they broke up)...so I never get the opportunity to go places w/ her except for class and the library. I can't do anything w/ her this summer cause she's off to Canada for the summer. It really seems like I'd have to wait a while before I can make any substantial sorta move.

[richter915]

so something i wanna ask...this girl like, every day i see her she says "I'll find u a gf"...why does she say that? is there any meaning to it? Could she be implying that she's interested? I think no. Ladies, elaborate. Thx.

[Dan CiTi]

Wii-powered bumpage

[Khaos]

So this is about relationships. I'm like...20 now or whatever. Me and my ex broke up about a year back and I'm essentially over her but I haven't found any worth while women since. About a month or two back my roommate introduces me to his friend and she and I get along pretty well...acc. to my roommate she and I make great friends...but also according to my roommate she and I'd make a great couple. Problem is, she just recently broke up. It's one of those "I wanna stay w/ u but it's best if we don't"...she's still in love w/ her ex essentially. Now, I've found my feelings growing for her and I really don't know what to do. We're somewhat flirty and lately we've been talking to each other late into the night and stuff. When do you guys feel it's best for me to let her know I'm into her or not? I want to date her and hopefully have something serious with her. She says she's not ready for dating again so I'm asking you ladies...how long does that period generally last where you just don't wanna be w/ another guy? I don't wanna ruin my friendship with her though by telling her. I know if I told her and she said no...I'd be ok with it but I think she'd feel awkward around me...seems inevitable. Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

i know exactly what you mean, the best thing is to tell her exactly what you wrote here. Let her know exactly how you feel about her so everything is out in the open.

[musicroxmysox]

I think u and the post u quoted make a good point but I have some issues...one I don't have a car cause I'm a bum but I can still take her places. Problem is, she NEVER has a free moment. She's kinda always busy and I think she does it for the purpose of not thinkin about her problems/her ex. If she never has a free moment, then her breaking up with her ex is justified (time conflict was one of the reasons they broke up)...so I never get the opportunity to go places w/ her except for class and the library. I can't do anything w/ her this summer cause she's off to Canada for the summer. It really seems like I'd have to wait a while before I can make any substantial sorta move.


hmm that could definitely be a problem i get what you're saying. i'd definitely try to stay in touch with her while she's gone i'm guessing she has a cell phone so that helps. i'd say that the next time you find out she has free time take her out for something, it doesn't even have to be something big just to like get a coffee or something somewhere. make your intentions known but don't freak her out by coming on too strong

[xxeuthanasia]

we should totally do it the same day

and when we both get rejected...get absolutely blasted and fuck some random prostitutes. lol.

well that sounds fun. great way to dela with things ;) (yeah actually)

[RayRaysuperfly]

Well, like all "guy/girl" related things, this is tricky. I would def give it some time. The less she mentions her ex, the more of a green light that is for you. However, I don't think it's a very good sign that's she's mentioning that she want's to find you a gf, ususally a girl uses that as a hint that she's not interested when she knows a guy is getting too close. Trust me, 99% of the time a girl can tell when a guy likes her from day one and vise versa. Truth be told it's highly likely she already knows or at least suspects it. If she's not coming to you first I would hold off. I myself have picked up on guys, that were friends, likeing me and I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings or chance being wrong about my hunch and make a fool of myself, so I would try to let him know by mentioning that he needed to find somone or to rub another guy in his face. Immature, I know, But people do it all the same. I would wait and see if she's giving you obviouse come on signs and by obviouse I mean her all but saying she's into you. Yeah, you risk the "friend zone" this way but it's far better then the alternitive, and I hate to say it but the vibes she seems to be giving you right now are not good. I have been in your girl's place before and I know when somone is trying to hint that they are not interested. The fact that she's using the word "love" with her ex dose not bode well either. Just wait, who knows one day she could get over it and realize your good for her. If you proceed now im fairly certain you'll be shot down. My husband and I were in one of those situations back in the day, and now he and I have a son and have been happily married for four years. So just let it work itself out.

[love_american_style]

See you at the party, Richter!

[ezgil]

Well, like all "guy/girl" related things, this is tricky. I would def give it some time. The less she mentions her ex, the more of a green light that is for you. However, I don't think it's a very good sign that's she's mentioning that she want's to find you a gf, ususally a girl uses that as a hint that she's not interested when she knows a guy is getting too close. Trust me, 99% of the time a girl can tell when a guy likes her from day one and vise versa. Truth be told it's highly likely she already knows or at least suspects it. If she's not coming to you first I would hold off. I myself have picked up on guys, that were friends, likeing me and I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings or chance being wrong about my hunch and make a fool of myself, so I would try to let him know by mentioning that he needed to find somone or to rub another guy in his face. Immature, I know, But people do it all the same. I would wait and see if she's giving you obviouse come on signs and by obviouse I mean her all but saying she's into you. Yeah, you risk the "friend zone" this way but it's far better then the alternitive, and I hate to say it but the vibes she seems to be giving you right now are not good. I have been in your girl's place before and I know when somone is trying to hint that they are not interested. The fact that she's using the word "love" with her ex dose not bode well either. Just wait, who knows one day she could get over it and realize your good for her. If you proceed now im fairly certain you'll be shot down. My husband and I were in one of those situations back in the day, and now he and I have a son and have been happily married for four years. So just let it work itself out.


Letting time have its way is so key, I think too. I'm still waiting for that painfully obvious sign, but I feel like something's changing though. Timing is everything, I guess.

This thread is completely awesome by the way, it's great to relate in something as confusing as this.

[richter915]

hmm that could definitely be a problem i get what you're saying. i'd definitely try to stay in touch with her while she's gone i'm guessing she has a cell phone so that helps. i'd say that the next time you find out she has free time take her out for something, it doesn't even have to be something big just to like get a coffee or something somewhere. make your intentions known but don't freak her out by coming on too strong
ya that sounds good. I dunno, I try and go places w/ her but it ALWAYS turns out shitty. For example, we wanted to go to dunkin donuts at like three AM one night but decided it's way too late and we could get food on campus. So we go to the food place on campus and, low and behold, her ex is there. There was some sorta miscommunication between us and I accidentally ditched her cause I thought she ditched me to chill w/ her ex. Turns out she didn't, later on she stopped by my room and yelled at me for a while for ditching her.

[richter915]

Well, like all "guy/girl" related things, this is tricky. I would def give it some time. The less she mentions her ex, the more of a green light that is for you. However, I don't think it's a very good sign that's she's mentioning that she want's to find you a gf, ususally a girl uses that as a hint that she's not interested when she knows a guy is getting too close. Trust me, 99% of the time a girl can tell when a guy likes her from day one and vise versa. Truth be told it's highly likely she already knows or at least suspects it. If she's not coming to you first I would hold off. I myself have picked up on guys, that were friends, likeing me and I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings or chance being wrong about my hunch and make a fool of myself, so I would try to let him know by mentioning that he needed to find somone or to rub another guy in his face. Immature, I know, But people do it all the same. I would wait and see if she's giving you obviouse come on signs and by obviouse I mean her all but saying she's into you. Yeah, you risk the "friend zone" this way but it's far better then the alternitive, and I hate to say it but the vibes she seems to be giving you right now are not good. I have been in your girl's place before and I know when somone is trying to hint that they are not interested. The fact that she's using the word "love" with her ex dose not bode well either. Just wait, who knows one day she could get over it and realize your good for her. If you proceed now im fairly certain you'll be shot down. My husband and I were in one of those situations back in the day, and now he and I have a son and have been happily married for four years. So just let it work itself out.
This is some great advice. Cynical yes but I feel also realistic. I honestly feel that she does not mention her ex because she doesn't want her feelings to come out...she hasn't faced the breakup yet. She's smart so I'd think she'd suspect my feelings for her but I also am not openly flirtatious with her. Like me and her play fight...A LOT...but I dunno if she sees that as flirting. I also sometimes say things which i feel are neutral, but she might take it as "he's interested in some mystery girl". It'd be good if she gave me some sign and you're right, maybe this is it. But let me ask, could it also be that she doesn't want to develop feelings for me...so she constantly tells herself she must find me another girl? I know it's a longshot but when ur all in a crush w/ someone, u wanna keep hope alive ya know? I think I will keep up to date w/ her over the summer and if I feel anything grow for her, go for it in the fall. My worry is that in order to get over her ex, she'll fall for someone else...and I don't know if that someone will be me.

[AP_Punk]

Oh yea, this thread. Haha.

K, I told her how I felt finally! Right now we're just taking things slow; hanging out, watching movies, etc. It's nice. I'm just going to see how things unfold later on and enjoy right now.

[richter915]

hope it goes how u want it bro. Props to u for having the balls I don't have. I saw my girl of interest earlier tonight and she was bawling...dunno why, hope her roommate can fix her. My guess is prob school stress + her ex doing something indicating he's moved on.

[RayRaysuperfly]

This is some great advice. Cynical yes but I feel also realistic. I honestly feel that she does not mention her ex because she doesn't want her feelings to come out...she hasn't faced the breakup yet. She's smart so I'd think she'd suspect my feelings for her but I also am not openly flirtatious with her. Like me and her play fight...A LOT...but I dunno if she sees that as flirting. I also sometimes say things which i feel are neutral, but she might take it as "he's interested in some mystery girl". It'd be good if she gave me some sign and you're right, maybe this is it. But let me ask, could it also be that she doesn't want to develop feelings for me...so she constantly tells herself she must find me another girl? I know it's a longshot but when ur all in a crush w/ someone, u wanna keep hope alive ya know? I think I will keep up to date w/ her over the summer and if I feel anything grow for her, go for it in the fall. My worry is that in order to get over her ex, she'll fall for someone else...and I don't know if that someone will be me.


Sorry If I came off a bit cynical, I once was in a HORRIABLE relationship (high school-early college) with a guy that was my good friend. He kept insisting we were pefect for one another and I kept pushing and pushing him away because I didn't really find him attractive, mostly personality wise. I finally gave in because I liked the romantic idea of ending up with my best friend, need less to say the whole thing turned out to be a disaster. But the "We need to find you a gf" thing was a tactic I used on him commonly as well as telling him first about a date I had gone on, to try to make it clear that I wasn't interested. This back fired because he didn't get it. I know ALOT of other girls and women that use that same tactic. However, there could be a chance she is trying to push you away because she's starting to feel the same but I wouldn't bank too highly on it to where you go and do something rash. Rellay, she just sounds like she needs her space right now, despite how she may or may not feel. She may not need another guy to help her get over it, just a period of flying solo. My husband started out as a rebound guy for me (he had been the friend of a guy that had dumped me in a rather heartless way; he drew a smiley face on a napkin and wrote "this isn't working out" and slid it across the table to me *lol*) Well me and that guy had been VERY seriouse so when my husband asked me out the first time I said yes, but my heart really wasn't in it because after investing so much emotional attachment to his friend I found trying to muster feelings for anyone (even somone as sweet and kind as him) was exausting. So to make a long story short it didn't work the first time but about a year later I realized I was head over heels inlove with him. So see these kind of situations can have happy endings, just proceed with caution. This is a very delicate situation that could easily go up in smoke if the wrong things are done. Your girl is big time hurting right now, relationships right after big time hurt are usualy just bandaids (they go on quick and come off quicker) So give her her space, you can't put what you want to tell her over her need to heal from this. Yeah, there is the fear somone might step in if you keep quiet, but who knows that may be a good thing becuase most likely it will last all of one week and then she'll be in the mood to seriously prusue dating again. Oh, on the whole just play fighting thing: you know how alot (not all) but alot of guys take any touch from a women to mean something? Well same goes for females (not all, but alot) because when you become awear of a person sexually (and this could be just that she's awear that your a guy and she's a girl) you anilize ANY phisical contact, ESPECIALLY play fighting. You don't know how many of my girl friends use to get all excited when a guy they liked would play fight with them. They saw it as the guy using play fighting as an excuse to touch them. so I stick with my theory that she knows or suspects. Just let her have her time to get over her ex, even if that means her dating a couple of "bandaids" first. Listen carfelly to the things she says as time goes by. The less she mentions her ex and stops telling you she needs to find you somone then you should make your move then. Because if you made your move now and she did say yes there is still a HUGE chance of you becoming a bandaid and like you said you would like there to be something seriouse with her, so being discarded would certainly hurt you. Just keep up subtle touching like play fighting, pats on the shoulder, hugs (if you have a hugging friendship) and listen to her and continue to be there for her, because if she truly has feelings for you you'll never really be put in the friend zone.

[nicole sxe]

My friend is going through the same thing. He broke up with this girl he dated for like 2 and a half years and then he met this new girl. Well this girl has a boyfriend but they are having issues and my friend is always there to help pick up the peices. She knows he likes her, and she feels the same way but both of them dont want anything serious right now.

I on the other hand, just broke up with my ex, well he broke up with me for another girl. yea, so he is your age. I tell guys right off the bat that I like them, I mean if I do, it will either make it awkward or easier for me to talk to him considering on how he feels about me when I tell him I like him.

Awkwardness is not the way to go. Kinda hint at the fact that you like her. Give her compliments and buy her dinner. You know? Things like that will warm things up and when you feel the right moment, tell her. Motivation is good too. Always have a friend a call away so if you get nervous, you can just call and talk. I do that a lot when I have these random bursts of thinking out loud. But yes, I also talk very much...hence this reply. hah :)

I hope things work out!

[musicroxmysox]

ya that sounds good. I dunno, I try and go places w/ her but it ALWAYS turns out shitty. For example, we wanted to go to dunkin donuts at like three AM one night but decided it's way too late and we could get food on campus. So we go to the food place on campus and, low and behold, her ex is there. There was some sorta miscommunication between us and I accidentally ditched her cause I thought she ditched me to chill w/ her ex. Turns out she didn't, later on she stopped by my room and yelled at me for a while for ditching her.


damn that sucks that's why i'm thinking you need to take her somewhere other than at your school what with her ex still being there. i think that if she goes away for the summer then comes back it will give her time to get over her ex and come to her senses. it's hard to break up with someone and still have to see them because feeling for that person come back too. after me and one of my boyfriends broke up we ended up going to seperate schools after i moved away from home but once i went back to my original hometown i met up with him again pretty randomly and i kind of started falling for him all over again. it took me a while to be able to get over him and move on and part of it is because i only saw him at a church thing that went on during the week and he stopped going. so a big part of getting over someone is not being around them because just by seeing them it makes it harder if you realize you still have feelings for that person and it definitely makes it harder if you're trying to get over that person.


Sorry If I came off a bit cynical, I once was in a HORRIABLE relationship (high school-early college) with a guy that was my good friend. He kept insisting we were pefect for one another and I kept pushing and pushing him away because I didn't really find him attractive, mostly personality wise. I finally gave in because I liked the romantic idea of ending up with my best friend, need less to say the whole thing turned out to be a disaster. But the "We need to find you a gf" thing was a tactic I used on him commonly as well as telling him first about a date I had gone on, to try to make it clear that I wasn't interested. This back fired because he didn't get it. I know ALOT of other girls and women that use that same tactic. However, there could be a chance she is trying to push you away because she's starting to feel the same but I wouldn't bank too highly on it to where you go and do something rash. Rellay, she just sounds like she needs her space right now, despite how she may or may not feel. She may not need another guy to help her get over it, just a period of flying solo. My husband started out as a rebound guy for me (he had been the friend of a guy that had dumped me in a rather heartless way; he drew a smiley face on a napkin and wrote "this isn't working out" and slid it across the table to me *lol*) Well me and that guy had been VERY seriouse so when my husband asked me out the first time I said yes, but my heart really wasn't in it because after investing so much emotional attachment to his friend I found trying to muster feelings for anyone (even somone as sweet and kind as him) was exausting. So to make a long story short it didn't work the first time but about a year later I realized I was head over heels inlove with him. So see these kind of situations can have happy endings, just proceed with caution. This is a very delicate situation that could easily go up in smoke if the wrong things are done. Your girl is big time hurting right now, relationships right after big time hurt are usualy just bandaids (they go on quick and come off quicker) So give her her space, you can't put what you want to tell her over her need to heal from this. Yeah, there is the fear somone might step in if you keep quiet, but who knows that may be a good thing becuase most likely it will last all of one week and then she'll be in the mood to seriously prusue dating again. Oh, on the whole just play fighting thing: you know how alot (not all) but alot of guys take any touch from a women to mean something? Well same goes for females (not all, but alot) because when you become awear of a person sexually (and this could be just that she's awear that your a guy and she's a girl) you anilize ANY phisical contact, ESPECIALLY play fighting. You don't know how many of my girl friends use to get all excited when a guy they liked would play fight with them. They saw it as the guy using play fighting as an excuse to touch them. so I stick with my theory that she knows or suspects. Just let her have her time to get over her ex, even if that means her dating a couple of "bandaids" first. Listen carfelly to the things she says as time goes by. The less she mentions her ex and stops telling you she needs to find you somone then you should make your move then. Because if you made your move now and she did say yes there is still a HUGE chance of you becoming a bandaid and like you said you would like there to be something seriouse with her, so being discarded would certainly hurt you. Just keep up subtle touching like play fighting, pats on the shoulder, hugs (if you have a hugging friendship) and listen to her and continue to be there for her, because if she truly has feelings for you you'll never really be put in the friend zone.



you definitely hit the nail on the head right there that summed up about everything i could think of and more.

but one other thing is that girls like attention. if she knows you like her she could mess with your head a bit by flirting then giving you the cold shoulder the next second. this might sound kind of bitchy but i did this for a while with this guy i knew really liked me i'd flirt with him for a while and then i'd shoot him down if he tried to make a move but i mean i really didn't like this guy and i didn't want to lead him on but i just kind of took advantage of the attention i got from him. but don't worry i doubt your girl is doing this because this is back when i was in middle school (about two years ago) and i doubt your girl is as mean as i was because now that i look back on it i realize how mean i was to that poor guy. but i agree with your plan off making a move after the summer it will definitely give her time to move on and you time to think about what to do.

[RayRaysuperfly]

damn that sucks that's why i'm thinking you need to take her somewhere other than at your school what with her ex still being there. i think that if she goes away for the summer then comes back it will give her time to get over her ex and come to her senses. it's hard to break up with someone and still have to see them because feeling for that person come back too. after me and one of my boyfriends broke up we ended up going to seperate schools after i moved away from home but once i went back to my original hometown i met up with him again pretty randomly and i kind of started falling for him all over again. it took me a while to be able to get over him and move on and part of it is because i only saw him at a church thing that went on during the week and he stopped going. so a big part of getting over someone is not being around them because just by seeing them it makes it harder if you realize you still have feelings for that person and it definitely makes it harder if you're trying to get over that person.






you definitely hit the nail on the head right there that summed up about everything i could think of and more.

but one other thing is that girls like attention. if she knows you like her she could mess with your head a bit by flirting then giving you the cold shoulder the next second. this might sound kind of bitchy but i did this for a while with this guy i knew really liked me i'd flirt with him for a while and then i'd shoot him down if he tried to make a move but i mean i really didn't like this guy and i didn't want to lead him on but i just kind of took advantage of the attention i got from him. but don't worry i doubt your girl is doing this because this is back when i was in middle school (about two years ago) and i doubt your girl is as mean as i was because now that i look back on it i realize how mean i was to that poor guy. but i agree with your plan off making a move after the summer it will definitely give her time to move on and you time to think about what to do.

OMG! I did that too! The sad thing is, I was in high school, dang I guess I was just a bitch *lol*

[Virock]

Dude just go!!!!!!!

[Iamhome]

Relationships are E.Z.

[AP_Punk]

hope it goes how u want it bro. Props to u for having the balls I don't have. I saw my girl of interest earlier tonight and she was bawling...dunno why, hope her roommate can fix her. My guess is prob school stress + her ex doing something indicating he's moved on.

And I hope things turn out how you want it, too. You and this thread are kinda what made me get up the courage to tell her how I feel, haha. So, thanks. It made me feel better to know there's someone out there going through the same thing/feeling the same way.

[richter915]

Sorry If I came off a bit cynical, I once was in a HORRIABLE relationship (high school-early college) with a guy that was my good friend. He kept insisting we were pefect for one another and I kept pushing and pushing him away because I didn't really find him attractive, mostly personality wise. I finally gave in because I liked the romantic idea of ending up with my best friend, need less to say the whole thing turned out to be a disaster. But the "We need to find you a gf" thing was a tactic I used on him commonly as well as telling him first about a date I had gone on, to try to make it clear that I wasn't interested. This back fired because he didn't get it. I know ALOT of other girls and women that use that same tactic. However, there could be a chance she is trying to push you away because she's starting to feel the same but I wouldn't bank too highly on it to where you go and do something rash. Rellay, she just sounds like she needs her space right now, despite how she may or may not feel. She may not need another guy to help her get over it, just a period of flying solo. My husband started out as a rebound guy for me (he had been the friend of a guy that had dumped me in a rather heartless way; he drew a smiley face on a napkin and wrote "this isn't working out" and slid it across the table to me *lol*) Well me and that guy had been VERY seriouse so when my husband asked me out the first time I said yes, but my heart really wasn't in it because after investing so much emotional attachment to his friend I found trying to muster feelings for anyone (even somone as sweet and kind as him) was exausting. So to make a long story short it didn't work the first time but about a year later I realized I was head over heels inlove with him. So see these kind of situations can have happy endings, just proceed with caution. This is a very delicate situation that could easily go up in smoke if the wrong things are done. Your girl is big time hurting right now, relationships right after big time hurt are usualy just bandaids (they go on quick and come off quicker) So give her her space, you can't put what you want to tell her over her need to heal from this. Yeah, there is the fear somone might step in if you keep quiet, but who knows that may be a good thing becuase most likely it will last all of one week and then she'll be in the mood to seriously prusue dating again. Oh, on the whole just play fighting thing: you know how alot (not all) but alot of guys take any touch from a women to mean something? Well same goes for females (not all, but alot) because when you become awear of a person sexually (and this could be just that she's awear that your a guy and she's a girl) you anilize ANY phisical contact, ESPECIALLY play fighting. You don't know how many of my girl friends use to get all excited when a guy they liked would play fight with them. They saw it as the guy using play fighting as an excuse to touch them. so I stick with my theory that she knows or suspects. Just let her have her time to get over her ex, even if that means her dating a couple of "bandaids" first. Listen carfelly to the things she says as time goes by. The less she mentions her ex and stops telling you she needs to find you somone then you should make your move then. Because if you made your move now and she did say yes there is still a HUGE chance of you becoming a bandaid and like you said you would like there to be something seriouse with her, so being discarded would certainly hurt you. Just keep up subtle touching like play fighting, pats on the shoulder, hugs (if you have a hugging friendship) and listen to her and continue to be there for her, because if she truly has feelings for you you'll never really be put in the friend zone.
No don't apologize I think it's more realistic and it makes me realize both ends of the spectrum with this situation. I agree, I thinks he does need her space and I'm doing my best to give her that. I give her the option to talk to me if she needs it but she seems to not want to discuss problems with her ex with me. Dunno if that's good or bad, but I don't mind either way. I will go with ur advice and see her whole "i need to get u a gf" tactic as something to indicate she's not interested. Doesn't mean she won't be later tho so I won't stress out over it. I dunno if she's big on the whole "rebound" dating thing (she's mad religious, very conservative and stuff u know?) but I think instead of rebounding w/ dates, she'll do it in some other shape or form. It's been about 2 months since she and her ex ended, I doubt I can reasonably pursue anything with her until the fall (she needed six months to get over her first ex)...and even then, with her, it might take even longer considering the conditions of this break up and how her ex is ALWAYS around.

As for the play fighting, ya we do it a whole lot. I literally have the scars to prove it. But u say that she knows or suspects my feelings through the play fighting...is it safe for me to assume the same from her? I know she does this sorta play fighting with other guys...but she said so herself, that she's never this violent with anyone else but me.

Thanks again.

[richter915]

My friend is going through the same thing. He broke up with this girl he dated for like 2 and a half years and then he met this new girl. Well this girl has a boyfriend but they are having issues and my friend is always there to help pick up the peices. She knows he likes her, and she feels the same way but both of them dont want anything serious right now.

I on the other hand, just broke up with my ex, well he broke up with me for another girl. yea, so he is your age. I tell guys right off the bat that I like them, I mean if I do, it will either make it awkward or easier for me to talk to him considering on how he feels about me when I tell him I like him.

Awkwardness is not the way to go. Kinda hint at the fact that you like her. Give her compliments and buy her dinner. You know? Things like that will warm things up and when you feel the right moment, tell her. Motivation is good too. Always have a friend a call away so if you get nervous, you can just call and talk. I do that a lot when I have these random bursts of thinking out loud. But yes, I also talk very much...hence this reply. hah :)

I hope things work out!
Thanks. I have tried both compliments and buying her food and shit...she just shrugs it off like it's nothing. So...I just insult her A LOT more. I keep it within reason though...she insults me back and according to her roommate she only does that to people she really cares for so...ya never know.

[richter915]

damn that sucks that's why i'm thinking you need to take her somewhere other than at your school what with her ex still being there. i think that if she goes away for the summer then comes back it will give her time to get over her ex and come to her senses. it's hard to break up with someone and still have to see them because feeling for that person come back too. after me and one of my boyfriends broke up we ended up going to seperate schools after i moved away from home but once i went back to my original hometown i met up with him again pretty randomly and i kind of started falling for him all over again. it took me a while to be able to get over him and move on and part of it is because i only saw him at a church thing that went on during the week and he stopped going. so a big part of getting over someone is not being around them because just by seeing them it makes it harder if you realize you still have feelings for that person and it definitely makes it harder if you're trying to get over that person.
I think that's a good call cause even last night she and I were having dinner and her ex shows up yet again. I have no problem with this guy, he's a great guy, but he's always around...always calling her...and she freaks out when he doesn't get in touch with her...how does this help her get over him? quite frankly, it pisses me off. Especially when me and my ex broke up, she cut off all contact with me with ease, didn't even wanna stay friends. I wish this girl would do the same...as horrible as that sounds. You also bring up a good point cause she'll be gone all summer and she'll get over him but she'll see him again once she comes back and all those feelings might come back.


but one other thing is that girls like attention. if she knows you like her she could mess with your head a bit by flirting then giving you the cold shoulder the next second. this might sound kind of bitchy but i did this for a while with this guy i knew really liked me i'd flirt with him for a while and then i'd shoot him down if he tried to make a move but i mean i really didn't like this guy and i didn't want to lead him on but i just kind of took advantage of the attention i got from him. but don't worry i doubt your girl is doing this because this is back when i was in middle school (about two years ago) and i doubt your girl is as mean as i was because now that i look back on it i realize how mean i was to that poor guy. but i agree with your plan off making a move after the summer it will definitely give her time to move on and you time to think about what to do.
That's one thing i worry about...like, she knows she can call me at any time of day...she really fucks with me to be a bitch. For example, the other night..she called me four times between the time i went to bed and got out of bed simply because she knows I'll pick up the phone...she doesn't even talk to me, she calls me to wake me up and make me feel miserable. At first it was cute, but not anymore I dunno. I do push back though, and I'll continue.

[richter915]

So, just some updates I guess. Anytime me and her go anywhere, her ex shows up in some shape or form. I was studying in her room yesterday, he called...we went to dinner, he showed up...we studied again later...he called twice. Ya, i get it, you guys wanna stay friends...but neither of you are showing any attempt to move on. I know how hard it can be but it can be done. It's called turning off your phone (especially when you're busy)...I dunno. He might be getting the hint that me and her are getting closer...the past bunch of times he's called or been around, so have I.

Last night she called around 1:30 and we studied together in the lounge and shit. At first we were separate but then she sat on the couch where I was and sorta snuggled up and went to sleep...then i got tired and i passed out and used her leg as a pillow. Def cute, she didn't seem to mind when she woke up later. Dunno if this has any significance or if I should think it's just ppl who went to sleep on the same couch...nothing more. Gimme some insight.

[apoemtothedead]

you are 20 years old, quit acting like such a mo.
you, shut the fuck up

[richter915]

you, shut the fuck up
thanks brah

[musicroxmysox]

OMG! I did that too! The sad thing is, I was in high school, dang I guess I was just a bitch *lol*


haha see i'm telling you, it's a girl thing we all love to have attention from someone so if a guy offers it we'll take advantage of it it may sound bitchy but i guess that's just how we are. i haven't done it yet in high school but i'm in 9th grade so i still have 3 more years to go (that might be confusing because of my age thing but i accidentally set it wrong and it's stuck at 18 when i'm 15)

[richter915]

wow, kinda messed up...

[musicroxmysox]

wow, kinda messed up...


:-| what's messed up??

[richter915]

:-| what's messed up??
ur mad young and already playing with guy's minds lol. It's a phase, I understand...and I can totally see why young women and women in general would use it to their advantage. Just don't cut a guy too deep or else he might stalk you or something.

[musicroxmysox]

ur mad young and already playing with guy's minds lol. It's a phase, I understand...and I can totally see why young women and women in general would use it to their advantage. Just don't cut a guy too deep or else he might stalk you or something.


oh, i know it was messed up like i look back on it now and i don't know how i could have done that but i mean it's not like i've done it recently it's just idk i was different in junior high:unsure:

[richter915]

I dunno, things with my girl aren't looking too great. She's talking less about her ex but that's only because she's hanging out with him and talking to him all the time. Neither of them are putting any effort into the breakup...I'm not getting many positive vibes from her in general...both of them are doing REALLY shitty in regards to school which makes me think this will turn out to be like "I can't think straight w/o you in my life". GAY. All I can really do is try and chill with this girl more but like I said, her ex always shows up...I can't control that. Maybe her ex is putting more time into her cause he sees me as a threat...she's obviously talked about me to him before he and I met...who knows..

oh and last night she saw me without a shirt which is just...bad.

[richter915]

So, just some updates I guess. Anytime me and her go anywhere, her ex shows up in some shape or form. I was studying in her room yesterday, he called...we went to dinner, he showed up...we studied again later...he called twice. Ya, i get it, you guys wanna stay friends...but neither of you are showing any attempt to move on. I know how hard it can be but it can be done. It's called turning off your phone (especially when you're busy)...I dunno. He might be getting the hint that me and her are getting closer...the past bunch of times he's called or been around, so have I.

Last night she called around 1:30 and we studied together in the lounge and shit. At first we were separate but then she sat on the couch where I was and sorta snuggled up and went to sleep...then i got tired and i passed out and used her leg as a pillow. Def cute, she didn't seem to mind when she woke up later. Dunno if this has any significance or if I should think it's just ppl who went to sleep on the same couch...nothing more. Gimme some insight.
oh ya, read this I still dunno what to think of it.

[richter915]

well, school is out and i'm home and she's off to canada. She's still obsessing over her ex and I dunno what's gonna happen from here. I'm gonna keep in touch with her and see how this goes. Thanks for the help guys.

[richter915]

It's been about a month since school let out. I kinda miss but I find it hard to think about her...usually when I'm into a girl I kinda obsess over her (think about her when i shouldn't be etc)...I guess it's good because I really feel like falling for this girl will lead to disappointment. She and I have talked every night since school let out (over AIM but it's still something) and some convos go late into the night. She's still very much in love w/ her ex though...I think it's best for me to expand my horizons right now.

[SePaMc]

Jesus there are long replies.

I'm not in a position where I want to read them all...but man, I dunno. It sounds like the "I'm not ready to be in a relationship...with you". If she is talking about her ex to you too, she's looking at you as a friend. Odds are, she is either using you to build self confidence for herself and a jumping point to move on, or she wants to be your friend -- and thats it.

I dunno. Thats my guess. I'm no expert in the female gener, but I believe that to be the case here.

Sorry, man. :(

[richter915]

Jesus there are long replies.

I'm not in a position where I want to read them all...but man, I dunno. It sounds like the "I'm not ready to be in a relationship...with you". If she is talking about her ex to you too, she's looking at you as a friend. Odds are, she is either using you to build self confidence for herself and a jumping point to move on, or she wants to be your friend -- and thats it.

I dunno. Thats my guess. I'm no expert in the female gener, but I believe that to be the case here.

Sorry, man. :(
no I think ur on the right track and I partially agree. She doesn't only go to me to talk about her ex...in fact she kept him hidden from me for a while. I mean, I can't not be there for her...especially when her break up is so similar to a break up i went through in the past...I do see her wanting to be my friend and she and I have some interesting discussions about love which we mostly disagree on...and this probably shoots my chances...and often times she says to me "don't worry, u'll find the right girl some day" even tho I hint that she has qualities I deem as good in a woman.

but...she also only seems to date guys she's already been good friends with. So maybe I can increase my chances just by sticking around.

don't apologize, I think I just need to start find some more tail around campus and not get hung up about this. Thanks for your help!

[SePaMc]

no I think ur on the right track and I partially agree. She doesn't only go to me to talk about her ex...in fact she kept him hidden from me for a while. I mean, I can't not be there for her...especially when her break up is so similar to a break up i went through in the past...I do see her wanting to be my friend and she and I have some interesting discussions about love which we mostly disagree on...and this probably shoots my chances...and often times she says to me "don't worry, u'll find the right girl some day" even tho I hint that she has qualities I deem as good in a woman.

but...she also only seems to date guys she's already been good friends with. So maybe I can increase my chances just by sticking around.

don't apologize, I think I just need to start find some more tail around campus and not get hung up about this. Thanks for your help!

I only apologized because I didn't want you to think I was a dick just telling you nothing good will come of it.

Just, i've been in that situation and it blows. I've also come up with the idea that being friends with a girl you are interested won't bring anything good. The last girl I was into said we could be friends, and I just dropped talking to her. it's not worth it.

And she's right. You'll find a girl that will apreciate you. This girl isn't it. I wouldn't hang around, it sounds like she is going to go back to her ex if he'll take her. Sorry dude :(

[richter915]

I only apologized because I didn't want you to think I was a dick just telling you nothing good will come of it.

Just, i've been in that situation and it blows. I've also come up with the idea that being friends with a girl you are interested won't bring anything good. The last girl I was into said we could be friends, and I just dropped talking to her. it's not worth it.

And she's right. You'll find a girl that will apreciate you. This girl isn't it. I wouldn't hang around, it sounds like she is going to go back to her ex if he'll take her. Sorry dude :(
Trust me, I'd say it's dick if you were to sit here giving me false hope and lies...that's just lame. I appreciate ur honesty.

You bring up a good point, I dunno if I can be just friends with this chick but at the same time, she seems to date friends...but the only way I could be a datable friend is if her ex is outta the picture and there seems to be no progress on that happening.

I think she will be messing around w/ her ex again and all, I'm not keeping my hopes high but I'm still keeping hope I guess. Thanks again for ur advice!

[Gumbyjag]

Nearly 99% of the time, if a guy is friends with a girl, he is in some way attracted to her, regardless of whether he wants to hook up with her or not.


absolutely.

[richter915]

absolutely.
it's definitely an interesting POV and it's tough to realize those times like...does she feel the same way back? I've had situations where she did feel the attraction back, she felt the attraction but I never did, and of course the usual...i like her but she don't like me blah.

[x Audi0 Blo0d]

well you say she's still in love? that might take some time.. essentially if you say she's flirting that means she might be a little bit ready to get out there but she still has feelings for her ex. what i'd do is try and take her out, play it off as a friend's thing first and then maybe try and see if you can take things to the next level. if not maybe she isnt ready. but i wouldn't think that she doesnt like you, i would just say give it more time.
-kristin =)

[drumerish]

w8 like 2 weeks

[richter915]

w8 like 2 weeks
aaand I'm back. So the whole summer has past since I last posted about this dilemma and I guess I'll bring things up to date

So she left for Canada right after classes ended and I started work but we talked every day usually...she even called me once, wasted her minutes lol. But she was also talking to her ex for about 2.5 hrs on the phone even tho it cost her a shit load. So I didn't really see her from Mid May to Mid August. We kept in touch and when she got back it was kinda clear she wanted to see me cause she actually implied inviting me over to her place. Big move considering she'd always avoid letting me come over in the past.

So I went over her place and played scrabble with her and her sis for 2 hrs...weird. I feel like she genuinely missed me though. She was smilin the whole time and sneakin looks at me...could be friendly, could be more...I dunno, you tell me.

The other night she asks me over AIM if I see her as true friend and not something i use to kill time...I of course said yes and she sees me the same way. Again, we see each other as friends which is a bad sign BUT she also seems to only date friends.

[richter915]

oh and also...early on when we met I jokingly said we should take a ballroom dancing class together and she turned it down like "no, not even if the world ended cause i didn't take the class with u"...so I was like whatev...at first a little insulted but then I realized that she had wanted to do that with her ex so it made sense.

now fast forward to two nights ago...i randomly bring up how we should take a fighting class instead of a dancing class but she's like "u know, if i have time I'll take the ballroom dancing class"...and later she goes "yes, with u i'd take it" so I take that as a hurrah...but here's my problem...she's doin this after months of not seeing her ex...i feel like the second he's around again, i'm back to square one. Ladies...analyze this, thx.

[resrchmnkygrl6]

oh and also...early on when we met I jokingly said we should take a ballroom dancing class together and she turned it down like "no, not even if the world ended cause i didn't take the class with u"...so I was like whatev...at first a little insulted but then I realized that she had wanted to do that with her ex so it made sense.

now fast forward to two nights ago...i randomly bring up how we should take a fighting class instead of a dancing class but she's like "u know, if i have time I'll take the ballroom dancing class"...and later she goes "yes, with u i'd take it" so I take that as a hurrah...but here's my problem...she's doin this after months of not seeing her ex...i feel like the second he's around again, i'm back to square one. Ladies...analyze this, thx.
I feel like I'm shooting down your dreams [like my mother is trying to do. Haha]:
I say give it up. It's seriously been a long time, and nothing's happened....partly because you haven't directly said anything, and partly because it sounds like she dwells on the past. My sister is the same way. I mean, she's only 12, but you can see characteristics in a person, you know? Even if it has nothing to do with anything, she'll bring up the most painful and uncomfortable pieces of the past just because she's 'curious'.
Anyway, I kinda veered, but it sounds like your girl just dwells. Out of sight, out of mind, kinda thing. The second he comes back, it will remind her of w/e happened between them. Whether or not she decides to act on it is a completely different issue, but just know that he took up a good chunk of her life...and that won't go away.

And as far as your touching thing that no one seems to 'touch' [pun intended. Haha]...any opposite sex contact I would deem as significant. Esp. falling asleep on the couch together....how adorable. But I'm 16, any contact is significant.