I'm Suffering From Hallucinations or Realizations

[saysmydoctor]

Ever think of a line and work an entire poem around it? So did I. I thought of this and put it together in 20 minutes. It definitely needs work.

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Let's play pretend, when I'm the boy and you're the girl.
We can pretend it's the second grade where we're playing freeze tag by the slide
and I'm chasing you like I do today, oh today...

Ohhh.

Let's play pretend, when I'm the germ and you're the host.
We can pretend I'm infestng you--but only this time oh! you really want it!,
and that's what your screaming as I'm sickening you.

(in a good way,
like the kind of way when you're staring off out into to space
out your second story window
when all you can all is smile)

Let's play pretend, where I'm only as imaginative as my imagination allows
and when it runs out of metaphors and provocative roleplays
we can pretend that we aren't pretending anymore.

[missmatilde]

" Let's play pretend, where I'm only as imaginative as my imagination allows [..]
we can pretend that we aren't pretending anymore." ->priceless!
I really liked the verses, I'm no too sure I got th () part, but that's just me ;-)
It's cool! :-)

[saysmydoctor]

Yeah, that's the part I'm trying to fix, thanks.

[CarrieDee]

the part in the () is the only part that doesn't work for me, although I feel like the syllables on the last stanza might be awkward. But that stanza and the middle one are really, really good, so I don't know what you could do about that.
I like it alot, that last part is a great line.

[saysmydoctor]

It's funny that you posted when you did because I fixed it alot

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Let's play pretend, when I'm the boy and you're the girl.
We can pretend it's the second grade where we're playing freeze tag by the slide
and I'm chasing you like I do today, oh today...

Ohhh.

I was the actor who played the germ that infested the host
who is played by you.

Ohhhh.

Honey, you are the perfect actress.
Your ability to slide those clothes off
(I mean slide into character)

Stop.

Let's play pretend, let's play pretend.
Where I'm only as imaginative as my imagination allows.
At which point it allows me to lie--and say:
we can pretend that we aren't pretending anymore.

We can pretend that we aren't pretending anymore. (Upstairs, upstairs!)
We can pretend that the last few months were real. (No secrets, no secrets!)
We can relive those hours of wrongful actions and (More, more, oh please more!)
We can relive those hours with guilt-free conscience only, oh (We don't have to worry!)
Only if we can pretend those who were hurt don't...exist. (Who....)

[CarrieDee]

oh wow, yeah, I really like the newer version. (and I really liked the old version too, so maybe you wanna stick another really in there, stroke your ego)
especially the "stop" before "let's play pretend, let's play pretend," it sounds perfect in my head.

[saysmydoctor]

Thanks.

[missmatilde]

gosh, the new version is all so amazing! :-)

[saysmydoctor]

Thanks.