Beautiful

[thecurerocks182]

It seems like forever since I have posted something here, but I didn't want to post anything until I finished recording the song. I hope people still remember me on the forum. Anyways, the songs a departure for me so I hope people enjoy some aspect of it. Thanks.

Beautiful (http://myspace.com/atroposmar) <--------Click here to listen to the song
Here is a direct link to download the song (http://www.sendspace.com/file/l7bvw4)for whatever reason you cannot access myspace. Also, I turned up the vocals for this, as many people have suggested that they were too low. Hope you enjoy.

I spent two weeks wrapped up in sheets
Yeah, tubes and stale air to nurse back the strength of my half-empty veins.
I sold my future for porcelain skin and taut thighs
Because beauty is in the rhythm of an emetic, warbling girl.

So, if beauty had found me
then would have you thought me laudable or imperative?
And taken me underneath the bleachers
to engage in acts
that would curl the ears of our parents,
or to just digest platonic discourse?

Oh, if I were beautiful do you think
my absence would be felt after I'm gone?

Oh, I heard you could find refuge in friends.
So, I buried my name and conscience
And walked to the march of a higher order.
Yeah, my lungs have never felt better!
Contracting my ribcage and muscles
to power the vacuum for my dopamine addiction;
pulling heaven's shores closer with every gasp for air.

Now, Johnny's playing shotgun in the streets
While Meredith is taking leisure in emulating a quaking Christmas tree.
Paul's opening his mouth voraciously,
extending it over his head like a veil.
It never ends,
it never ends.

So, if seeing is believing then I swear that the world must have lost its eyes;
Trading them in for confetti and smiles torn off from that eternal plastic tree.
Yeah, it once took valiancy in bereft of our pride,
but it's clear now like ululations partitioning the fog
that happiness is taxidermied for a low-low price.

Out of sight, out of mind,
Out of sight, out of mind.

[missmatilde]

'happiness is taxidermied for a low-low price. '...
that I thought the coolest line, nice song!

[a speedo model]

I liked this alot, good to see you back. I've enjoyed your work and criticisms.

I will listen to it when I get home tonight.

[thecurerocks182]

Thanks a speedo model for not only remembering me, but also for taking the time to read over the piece. I wish I had the time to stay active within the forum, but this semester for me has been so demanding. I will try to get around to doing some criticism on the weekend.

Anyways, thanks missmatilde for reading my piece. Sorry, I took so long to reply, but I have been overwhelmed with homework. I will try to look over some of your stuff on the weekend.

[matt_rawlings]

The lyrics are good, but I'm not sure about your vocals

[missmatilde]

wait, is there the actual song???

[thecurerocks182]

The lyrics are good, but I'm not sure about your vocals
Thanks for reading and commenting....I think this is the first time you have read any of my stuff. Anyways, the vocals are usually loathed by the listeners, but I like to think that people may be able to look beyond them and listen to the songs as a whole. I know my vocals are not great, but if I didn't record them then there would be no way anyone could hear the songs completely. Did you enjoy the song at least?

wait, is there the actual song???
The song is on my myspace page which is accessible by clicking on the title of the song. If for some reason it is not working for you then I could arrange some other means for you to hear it if you are interested. Once again thanks for your time and consideration.

[CellarGhosts]

I really enjoyed this. I haven't listened to the song yet, as having dial-up internet makes it near impossible to load any songs, but I'll try to check it out sometime.

Still, good job on the lyrics.

[as_we_learn]

These lyrics are great. You never cease to amaze me. Glad you're back man. I want to hear but my dial up will not allow me too. Damn it

[lew_1987]

ive only read two pieces from you... the old brazil and this. the lyrics are ace as they were last time. i like where you're going with the music, although i'm not sure i like the vocals. that's the only thing wrong with the song. i like the bit where it slows down for "oh, if i were beautiful..." and the fast piano interlude is great.

[missmatilde]

listened to it :-) the music I really enjoy, the vocals tho were 'suffocated' by the music, I'm not sure if on purpose or just mix issues ( but it's kinda the same in brazil, so maybe the second). it's kinda hard to hear what you'r singing... but as I said, the lyrics are really good, now I can add the music is too :-)

[sk8er_boi666]

nice song i like it alot keep it up

[thecurerocks182]

I really enjoyed this. I haven't listened to the song yet, as having dial-up internet makes it near impossible to load any songs, but I'll try to check it out sometime.

Still, good job on the lyrics.
If you are interested I could post a direct link to download it using sendspace. Thanks again for taking the time to read my lyrics.

These lyrics are great. You never cease to amaze me. Glad you're back man. I want to hear but my dial up will not allow me too. Damn it
As I said with CharlieKilo, if you are interested I could post a link. Thanks for the compliment and the enthusiasm, as it really helps me when I'm down like I am now. I only hope that when you actually hear the song that you are not dissappointed by it. Thanks.

ive only read two pieces from you... the old brazil and this. the lyrics are ace as they were last time. i like where you're going with the music, although i'm not sure i like the vocals. that's the only thing wrong with the song. i like the bit where it slows down for "oh, if i were beautiful..." and the fast piano interlude is great. Thanks for your compliments and your criticism. I too dislike my vocals. Oh, I wish I was Robert Smith.

listened to it :-) the music I really enjoy, the vocals tho were 'suffocated' by the music, I'm not sure if on purpose or just mix issues ( but it's kinda the same in brazil, so maybe the second). it's kinda hard to hear what you'r singing... but as I said, the lyrics are really good, now I can add the music is too :-)
Thanks for taking the time to read and listen. The vocals being stifled by the music is most likely due in part to loathing my vocals, which I guess subconsciously I turn the levels down because I find that they are overpowering when I listen to them. Also, I'm not very good at producing... I try, but I admit it could be a lot better.

nice song i like it alot keep it up
Thanks. I think you are only one who's initial impression of my song didn't include disliking the vocals lol. I've never seen you in this forum before...

Anyways, thanks everyone for all the encouragment. It is much appreciated in light of the moment.

[CellarGhosts]

Sure, that'd be cool if you posted a sendspace link.
I'll check it out, if you do.

[Iamhome]

This is definitely unique...
I have a feeling that me and you have an opposite problem...
I don't use enough intelligence in my lyrics, you use too much.
I think you should cut back the big words just a tad...
Great writing though - If you actually speak like that in life, I think you should keep writing that way no matter what anyone says.

As for the music...
I think you should focus on what actual notes you're wanting to sing for each word.. It seems like you just move your voice to the music and try to get all of the words out. It should be set and stone and solid; This would give you more confidence and allow you to turn up the volume on the vox for people to hear.

Great job, and like I said, this is very unique and you are a very intelligent and creative person.

Take care my friend, good to see you back.

[thecurerocks182]

Sure, that'd be cool if you posted a sendspace link.
I'll check it out, if you do.
I have posted it at the top of the thread. I hope you enjoy it and I await your comment.

This is definitely unique...
I have a feeling that me and you have an opposite problem...
I don't use enough intelligence in my lyrics, you use too much.
I think you should cut back the big words just a tad...
Great writing though - If you actually speak like that in life, I think you should keep writing that way no matter what anyone says.

As for the music...
I think you should focus on what actual notes you're wanting to sing for each word.. It seems like you just move your voice to the music and try to get all of the words out. It should be set and stone and solid; This would give you more confidence and allow you to turn up the volume on the vox for people to hear.

Great job, and like I said, this is very unique and you are a very intelligent and creative person.

Take care my friend, good to see you back.
Thanks for reading and listening. When you say it is unique...are you refering to the music or lyrics?
Anyways, I checked out your myspace page and I enjoy your vocals, which I find to be unique itself... nice to see another Bright Eyes and Brand New fan. The Bright Eyes cover I really liked. Thanks again, for the encouragement and the suggestion.

[CellarGhosts]

Sure thing, I'll be sure to check it out as soon as possible.

[drummer1400]

This is definitely unique...
I have a feeling that me and you have an opposite problem...
I don't use enough intelligence in my lyrics, you use too much.
I think you should cut back the big words just a tad...
Great writing though - If you actually speak like that in life, I think you should keep writing that way no matter what anyone says.

As for the music...
I think you should focus on what actual notes you're wanting to sing for each word.. It seems like you just move your voice to the music and try to get all of the words out. It should be set and stone and solid; This would give you more confidence and allow you to turn up the volume on the vox for people to hear.

Great job, and like I said, this is very unique and you are a very intelligent and creative person.

Take care my friend, good to see you back.


I completely agree on this comment. You write beautifully, but sometimes the larger size words are too concentrated and make it awkward. I enjoyed, regardless.

[Iamhome]

I have posted it at the top of the thread. I hope you enjoy it and I await your comment.


Thanks for reading and listening. When you say it is unique...are you refering to the music or lyrics?
Anyways, I checked out your myspace page and I enjoy your vocals, which I find to be unique itself... nice to see another Bright Eyes and Brand New fan. The Bright Eyes cover I really liked. Thanks again, for the encouragement and the suggestion.

I was talking about music. The music is very unique, to me, but the lyrics are as well. I just think if you took out a few of the larger words, more people would catch on.

Thanks for the compliments on my music, and moreso my voice.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

very unique, i like the subject matter very much. it rings so true.

couple things i had questions about:

Because beauty is in the rhythm of an emetic, warbling girl.

I'm not going to lie, i didn't know what 'emetic' and 'warbling' meant so i looked them up. I see how 'emetic' is relevent because of the whole medical scene, but how is 'warbling' consistent? I don't know if you wanted to place it in there because you used 'rhythm' but it just seems completely out of place. also the word is kind of ugly haha. I seriously have problems with certain words. But thats just me.

i'm going to go listen to the song now.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

Okay so i listened to the song.

Your music is incredible, i LOVE it. what equipment do you use?

about the vocals, i don't think its that you have a bad voice at all, i just think that you should utilize it a little better. i've been taking voice lessons since i was 8 so hopefully you will respect my advice in some way: I think, first of all, that you really need to annunciate. I couldn't understand what you were saying at all. that was the biggest problem i think.

Second, watch your pitch. You went very out of tune a few times.

Third, watch your timing with your vocals, especially in the beginning. it strikes me as odd that your timing is very good with the music but not so much with the vocals.

I really love your scream, and I think if you improved on those vocal skills you'd have something really solid. :)

[thecurerocks182]

very unique, i like the subject matter very much. it rings so true.

couple things i had questions about:

Because beauty is in the rhythm of an emetic, warbling girl.

I'm not going to lie, i didn't know what 'emetic' and 'warbling' meant so i looked them up. I see how 'emetic' is relevent because of the whole medical scene, but how is 'warbling' consistent? I don't know if you wanted to place it in there because you used 'rhythm' but it just seems completely out of place. also the word is kind of ugly haha. I seriously have problems with certain words. But thats just me.

i'm going to go listen to the song now.
Thanks, for the thorough criticism. In the case of my use of warbling, as you said it is an ugly word. However, its meaning is actually something pertaining to beauty. So, not only does the word clash with the rest of the line, it also is contradicting in nature, which is the whole point. I think you misinterpretted the definition for emetic because it is not restricted to medical purposes, as it is anything that induces vomitting. I do not condone the behaviour of bulimics, so I set out to depict a haunting image of one in the act in order for people to understand the reality of it all.... you don't have to be emaciated to be called beautiful. Anyways, I hope that clears anything up. Thanks again for the comment.

I completely agree on this comment. You write beautifully, but sometimes the larger size words are too concentrated and make it awkward. I enjoyed, regardless.
Thanks for reading. I understand the diction is sometimes difficult to digest, but I wrote the lyrics while I was recording the song. Did you happen to hear the song? I'd appreciate any comment... anyways, thanks again for your input.

Okay so i listened to the song.

Your music is incredible, i LOVE it. what equipment do you use?

about the vocals, i don't think its that you have a bad voice at all, i just think that you should utilize it a little better. i've been taking voice lessons since i was 8 so hopefully you will respect my advice in some way: I think, first of all, that you really need to annunciate. I couldn't understand what you were saying at all. that was the biggest problem i think.

Second, watch your pitch. You went very out of tune a few times.

Third, watch your timing with your vocals, especially in the beginning. it strikes me as odd that your timing is very good with the music but not so much with the vocals.

I really love your scream, and I think if you improved on those vocal skills you'd have something really solid. :)
I love your enthusiasm. I don't want to dissappoint, but half of the music is done by guitar pro. Although, I probaly could play as consistent, the overall sound of it would be horrendous. In regards to my vocals, I was going to go indepth with the previous comment, but I thought I'd reserve it for your comment. I did the vocals in two sessions where I pretty much wrote the lyrics and the melodies as I was recording, which is a contributor to my difficulty in enunciation as I was trying melodies out. I'm a very timid individual, which is why I only did two sessions. I cannot record unless everyone has left the house, which is virtually never, and when they do, it is no longer than an hour. Anyways, I respect your advice. I understand the things you outlined are concerns, and will try next time to do better. Thanks again for your thorough comments and enthusiasm...and thanks for enjoying not only the lyrics, but the music too.

Oh, thanks for acknowledging my screams. I thought I'd try it out. I'm not one who thinks they're always necessary, but the emotion in the lines I screamed I think are emphasized moreso than if I would have simply sang them.

[Iamhome]

I'd like to collaborate with you. I love your music.

[thecurerocks182]

I'd like to collaborate with you. I love your music.
Thanks for this random comment lol. You didn't love before? Anyways, I think collaboration would be really cool, but I don't know how it would work...enlighten me.

PS- why the sudden love?

[Iamhome]

Thanks for this random comment lol. You didn't love before? Anyways, I think collaboration would be really cool, but I don't know how it would work...enlighten me.

PS- why the sudden love?

No no... You took my critcism wrong. I never said I didn't love your music - I just told you what I thought would make it better. I really like your instrumentation and the sounds you use in the music... I was actually thinking I'd love to give it a shot fitting the vocals rhythmically to the music. (I'm not saying I'd want to be the vocalist for your recordings) I would like to try and fit the vocals into what you have, pitch wise, and timing wise, and then let you hear what it sounds like. Of course you'd delete my vocals and do more takes of yours. I'm just really interested to see what my voice would sound like on this. (i've only been singing on acoustic songs)...

[JimGray]

I've been gone way longer than you have, and I love the lyrics, I'll try to listen to the song, I'm on dial-up tho...

[thecurerocks182]

No no... You took my critcism wrong. I never said I didn't love your music - I just told you what I thought would make it better. I really like your instrumentation and the sounds you use in the music... I was actually thinking I'd love to give it a shot fitting the vocals rhythmically to the music. (I'm not saying I'd want to be the vocalist for your recordings) I would like to try and fit the vocals into what you have, pitch wise, and timing wise, and then let you hear what it sounds like. Of course you'd delete my vocals and do more takes of yours. I'm just really interested to see what my voice would sound like on this. (i've only been singing on acoustic songs)...
No need to worry, as I was just kidding...sorry that i may have let you feel uncomfortable. In all seriousness, I thought it was a cool idea. I enjoy your vocals and I think they would put an interesting spin on my songs. I can't promise anything soon, but I have been working on something lately. Perhaps, we can work something out with it, and if I like and you like, then we could just keep it that way if you like. So, would you just be doing the vocals or would you want to try out writing some parts? It's fine by me. I don't really see any of music going anywhere so I do it just for fun.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

No need to worry, as I was just kidding...sorry that i may have let you feel uncomfortable. In all seriousness, I thought it was a cool idea. I enjoy your vocals and I think they would put an interesting spin on my songs. I can't promise anything soon, but I have been working on something lately. Perhaps, we can work something out with it, and if I like and you like, then we could just keep it that way if you like. So, would you just be doing the vocals or would you want to try out writing some parts? It's fine by me. I don't really see any of music going anywhere so I do it just for fun.


seriously, you really need to do something with your music.

and i was also thinking that i would love to collaborate with you, but i wouldnt know how to go about it.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

Thanks, for the thorough criticism. In the case of my use of warbling, as you said it is an ugly word. However, its meaning is actually something pertaining to beauty. So, not only does the word clash with the rest of the line, it also is contradicting in nature, which is the whole point. I think you misinterpretted the definition for emetic because it is not restricted to medical purposes, as it is anything that induces vomitting. I do not condone the behaviour of bulimics, so I set out to depict a haunting image of one in the act in order for people to understand the reality of it all.... you don't have to be emaciated to be called beautiful. Anyways, I hope that clears anything up. Thanks again for the comment.


I love your enthusiasm. I don't want to dissappoint, but half of the music is done by guitar pro. Although, I probaly could play as consistent, the overall sound of it would be horrendous. In regards to my vocals, I was going to go indepth with the previous comment, but I thought I'd reserve it for your comment. I did the vocals in two sessions where I pretty much wrote the lyrics and the melodies as I was recording, which is a contributor to my difficulty in enunciation as I was trying melodies out. I'm a very timid individual, which is why I only did two sessions. I cannot record unless everyone has left the house, which is virtually never, and when they do, it is no longer than an hour. Anyways, I respect your advice. I understand the things you outlined are concerns, and will try next time to do better. Thanks again for your thorough comments and enthusiasm...and thanks for enjoying not only the lyrics, but the music too.

Oh, thanks for acknowledging my screams. I thought I'd try it out. I'm not one who thinks they're always necessary, but the emotion in the lines I screamed I think are emphasized moreso than if I would have simply sang them.

when i looked it up, warbling had to do with singing - that was the only definition listed. sorry if i was mistaken... and i love how you used it to contrast the ugly word with the beautiful. i didn't even think of that :)

and no i understood what you meant by the use of 'emetic' i just articulated it wrong i guess haha. but i love that word.

haha yes i can get very enthusiastic sorry. But its because i really really like this piece a lot.

And you definitely have a cool scream, keep using it :)

[lew_1987]

i also wouldn't mind collaborating :-) we could send guitar pro files back and forth!

[thecurerocks182]

I've been gone way longer than you have, and I love the lyrics, I'll try to listen to the song, I'm on dial-up tho...
Thanks for taking the time to read the lyrics...nice to see you back. I posted a download link earlier which should make it easier for dial-up if you are still interested. I await your comment if you do.


when i looked it up, warbling had to do with singing - that was the only definition listed. sorry if i was mistaken... and i love how you used it to contrast the ugly word with the beautiful. i didn't even think of that :)

and no i understood what you meant by the use of 'emetic' i just articulated it wrong i guess haha. but i love that word.

haha yes i can get very enthusiastic sorry. But its because i really really like this piece a lot.

And you definitely have a cool scream, keep using it :)
Don't apologize for your enthusiasm...i love it. It makes me want to write more. I'm glad to read that you enjoy my screams. Thanks again.
i also wouldn't mind collaborating :-) we could send guitar pro files back and forth!
yes, guitar pro! We could do it like the postal service minus using the actual postal service to send our songs. We will all collaborate.

[missmatilde]

yes, guitar pro!

why does everybody keep referring to it?... I'm a guitar pro lover\addict who can't get the stupid prog to work again on her comp.. abstinence crisis, never mind me ;-)

[ArTkY_]

I'd love to have sex with you. Let's collaborate. Sexually.

Not musically.

I can only play guitar and scream.

Sexually that is.

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

[iHATEapril]

I remember a similar proposal.

[ArTkY_]

I remember a similar proposal.
Read my fucking song.

[to kill this]

"Yeah, my lungs have never felt better!
Contracting my ribcage and muscles
to power the vacuum for my dopamine addiction;
pulling heaven's shores closer with every gasp for air."
my favorite part, personally.
great job, it's really good. :)

[thecurerocks182]

I'd love to have sex with you. Let's collaborate. Sexually.

Not musically.

I can only play guitar and scream.

Sexually that is.

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
lol. I don't know how to respond to this...how does one collaborate sexually? It sounds interesting, but what would be more interesting is your thoughts on the song...hmmm.. yes, the song.
I remember a similar proposal.
lol.. I find it very random that you not only commented on Artky's remark instead of the lyrics, but also that I haven't seen you in the forum in awhile with this being first time in weeks that i've seen you post. Any thoughts on the song...nice to see you back.

"Yeah, my lungs have never felt better!
Contracting my ribcage and muscles
to power the vacuum for my dopamine addiction;
pulling heaven's shores closer with every gasp for air."
my favorite part, personally.
great job, it's really good. :)
Thanks for taking the time to read. I'm glad you enjoyed it...did you happen to hear the song? If so, then what do you think?

Anyways, for anyone that is serious about doing a collaboration I put together some music, which I wrote in an hour (its really rough) and got my girlfriend to lend some vocals to, if by any chance any of you are interested. I'm hoping to substitute the acoustic guitar pro for an actual acoustic guitar, but it will suffice for now.

[drummer1400]

Anyways, for anyone that is serious about doing a collaboration I put together some music, which I wrote in an hour (its really rough) and got my girlfriend to lend some vocals to, if by any chance any of you are interested. I'm hoping to substitute the acoustic guitar pro for an actual acoustic guitar, but it will suffice for now. Here it is ----> We Will Meet Where There Is No Darkness (http://www.sendspace.com/file/u6cnts).

Id be very interested in collaborating somehow. Are you looking to have people fill in vocal or instrumental parts? Are you just looking to collaborate in writing melodies and rhythms? Let me know exactly what you mean, as id like to help you out with whatever your needing :). But there is a price...whenever I get my new music recorded and posted I need critics! lol.

[iHATEapril]

thecure dude, you're one of my favorite as far as new people, I will check out your song in a bit. I can't stand most of the new people, but you're tolerable. This place is so much worse off than it was a year ago, that is why I'm not around anymore. I'm sick of seeing the same recycled pieces of shit all the time.

[thecurerocks182]

Id be very interested in collaborating somehow. Are you looking to have people fill in vocal or instrumental parts? Are you just looking to collaborate in writing melodies and rhythms? Let me know exactly what you mean, as id like to help you out with whatever your needing :). But there is a price...whenever I get my new music recorded and posted I need critics! lol. Hmmmm.... i don't know to tell you the truth. The idea of collaborating seems very interesting, however. I've never played in a band, so I'm not sure how this works. I'll just see what people suggest and if they are interested we'll go forward with it.

thecure dude, you're one of my favorite as far as new people, I will check out your song in a bit. I can't stand most of the new people, but you're tolerable. This place is so much worse off than it was a year ago, that is why I'm not around anymore. I'm sick of seeing the same recycled pieces of shit all the time.
Thanks lol... I wouldn't say I'm new to the site as my profile may explicate, for I had another account long before this but forgot the password and had to create a new one. The forum has definitely become more populated and less passive lately, however. Most new users are genuinely nice people so I wouldn't just write them off...everyone has to start off somewhere lyrically. Anyways, I await your comment on the song. Thanks.

[Iamhome]

No need to worry, as I was just kidding...sorry that i may have let you feel uncomfortable. In all seriousness, I thought it was a cool idea. I enjoy your vocals and I think they would put an interesting spin on my songs. I can't promise anything soon, but I have been working on something lately. Perhaps, we can work something out with it, and if I like and you like, then we could just keep it that way if you like. So, would you just be doing the vocals or would you want to try out writing some parts? It's fine by me. I don't really see any of music going anywhere so I do it just for fun.

You may not see your music going anywhere, but I think it can. I would be down for anything... I have a shitty USB mic so I can only record Acoustic and Vocals for now. I would definately love to collaborate on anything you would like. I think it'd be tons of fun just to see what we can come up with. I'm heading into the studio tonight to start tracking my music, but anytime you have an idea... (either sending wav files back and forth to add stuff to) or just whatever you can think of, I'm definitely ready to start.

Peace my brotha, i'm excited. haha.

[thecurerocks182]

You may not see your music going anywhere, but I think it can. I would be down for anything... I have a shitty USB mic so I can only record Acoustic and Vocals for now. I would definately love to collaborate on anything you would like. I think it'd be tons of fun just to see what we can come up with. I'm heading into the studio tonight to start tracking my music, but anytime you have an idea... (either sending wav files back and forth to add stuff to) or just whatever you can think of, I'm definitely ready to start.

Peace my brotha, i'm excited. haha.
Hey, thanks for the encouragement. I hope the studio was fun...I have only been to studio help my friends band with ideas. Sorry, I took so long to respond, but I have been tied down by homework the last few days. Anyways, I posted a preliminary of a song earlier, but I have removed it recently because I have pretty close to final song done. Lew1987 was kind enough to add drums and upbeat bass parts to the song (By the way Lew, I really enjoyed your contribution. I hope you liked the song as it was a departure for me). Anyways, if you are interested this is the song I wish to do collaborations with. As I said, Lew1987 has already collaborated, which I extremely enjoyed.

Anyways, here is the song (http://www.sendspace.com/file/6ysyug) for those that are interested. I hope to write the lyrics on the weekend. Also, Lew I hope you enjoy. Thanks.

[lew_1987]

Hey, thanks for the encouragement. I hope the studio was fun...I have only been to studio help my friends band with ideas. Sorry, I took so long to respond, but I have been tied down by homework the last few days. Anyways, I posted a preliminary of a song earlier, but I have removed it recently because I have pretty close to final song done. Lew1987 was kind enough to add drums and upbeat bass parts to the song (By the way Lew, I really enjoyed your contribution. I hope you liked the song as it was a departure for me). Anyways, if you are interested this is the song I wish to do collaborations with. As I said, Lew1987 has already collaborated, which I extremely enjoyed.

Anyways, here is the song (http://www.sendspace.com/file/6ysyug) for those that are interested. I hope to write the lyrics on the weekend. Also, Lew I hope you enjoy. Thanks.

i love it, its awesome. a massive improvement! i love the new keyboard bit at the start, but all i would say is that i think that should fade out a little bit towards the end of the vocals. other than that i can't really think of much improvement. good job man

[Iamhome]

Hey, thanks for the encouragement. I hope the studio was fun...I have only been to studio help my friends band with ideas. Sorry, I took so long to respond, but I have been tied down by homework the last few days. Anyways, I posted a preliminary of a song earlier, but I have removed it recently because I have pretty close to final song done. Lew1987 was kind enough to add drums and upbeat bass parts to the song (By the way Lew, I really enjoyed your contribution. I hope you liked the song as it was a departure for me). Anyways, if you are interested this is the song I wish to do collaborations with. As I said, Lew1987 has already collaborated, which I extremely enjoyed.

Anyways, here is the song (http://www.sendspace.com/file/6ysyug) for those that are interested. I hope to write the lyrics on the weekend. Also, Lew I hope you enjoy. Thanks.

Yo, you should put some kind of filter on the key tone... I think the tone doesn't fit the song perfectly - but it's close... Maybe some distortion or something...

Also, what kind of collab are you looking for?

[xxeuthanasia]

im listening to it now... nice lyrics and song. :)

[onthedeathcycle]

hey man I just sent you a friend request on your music myspace so if you dont mind, please accept it so I can comment you on your music :). Great stuff man! My friend request that I sent you is under the screen name "Tyler."

[thecurerocks182]

I just want to apologize for taking so long to reply, as I never even noticed anyone had.
i love it, its awesome. a massive improvement! i love the new keyboard bit at the start, but all i would say is that i think that should fade out a little bit towards the end of the vocals. other than that i can't really think of much improvement. good job man
Thanks! You were my muse. Thanks for taking the time to consider my music. As for the keyboard, I concur. It gets a little redundant in the end so once I have time to just relax I'll probalby make some changes.
Yo, you should put some kind of filter on the key tone... I think the tone doesn't fit the song perfectly - but it's close... Maybe some distortion or something...

Also, what kind of collab are you looking for?
I'm trying to understand what you are asking of me. I'm not big into understanding music. I pick up a guitar and strum chords, then add lyrics and vocals. Everything I do is based on observation...I guess what I am trying to say is enlighten me. In regards to the collab, I'll leave it up to you. I've been writing lyrics so whatever you want to add to the song is cool.
im listening to it now... nice lyrics and song. :)
Thanks for taking the time to listen and read (I'm assuming the ellipsis denotes that you heard it).

hey man I just sent you a friend request on your music myspace so if you dont mind, please accept it so I can comment you on your music :). Great stuff man! My friend request that I sent you is under the screen name "Tyler."
Thanks for listening. I added you a few days ago and have received your comment, however. I'm not sure how to go about interpreting your comment. I don't want to be an asshole, but part of me seems to think that you are ridiculing me, which is evident by you suggesting I'm handicaped and there are people dying in the background. I apologize if I'm misinterpreting your comment (which i seem to be doing a lot here lately).

[Iamhome]

I'm trying to understand what you are asking of me. I'm not big into understanding music. I pick up a guitar and strum chords, then add lyrics and vocals. Everything I do is based on observation...I guess what I am trying to say is enlighten me. In regards to the collab, I'll leave it up to you. I've been writing lyrics so whatever you want to add to the song is cool.

I was just saying the tone on the keyboard/synthesizer (is that not what it is??) is a tad overpowering... maybe add some distortion so it will blend in to the mix...