Entwined As One

[TokyoCity]

Hey guys. I dont really post that often but whenever I write something that I think you guys would enjoy I post it. Here it goes:

Entwined As One

To rise above the oppressor,
we ride this pheonix of optimism,
to the wafting flames an orchid untouched,
but its' soil dry and its' surrounding in chaos.

THIS IS US.
THIS IS WHO WE ARE.

As life's right hand descends the left will follow,
and it will try to bring us down,
but with how long we've waited to prove them wrong,
the severed hands will drop before us.

THIS IS US.
THIS IS WHO WE ARE.

We are forever entwined as one.


This piece is supposed to have a hardcore punk feel with the bolded words chanted, tell me what you think.

[a speedo model]

Eh, cliche. I dunno, there's nothing that stood out or drew me into it. :shrug:

[TokyoCity]

Eh, cliche. I dunno, there's nothing that stood out or drew me into it. :shrug:
I know what you mean by it being cliche, but hey cliche can be good sometimes. Thanks for the opinion though man.