Death of an Angel

[deathrow911]

Death of an Angel
By, Kaylee May


I once knew a lady named
Misery
she lived in a damaged world
she calls to me in transparent dreams

a lonely star
outside
the closed universe

she was my twisted soul

long ago
she experienced
the darkest of
pain

beauty was something
she could not
believe

I once knew an angel named
Evil
she traveled like a
ghost into the shadows

her heart was dying for some form of life

all seems balanced
now
the angel burns to
die finally on the outside :ap:

[deathrow911]

reading it writen down on a comp. tome it doesn't feel like how i wrote it.

[a speedo model]

Hmmm, cliche and it felt like it was trying WAY too hard. But continue to write.

[sk8er_boi666]

tried to hard dude but nice attempt

[missmatilde]

I agree Josiah, cliche and forced, but we all strart somepoint, so just keep on writing, pay attention to suggestions, and you'll gradually got better, and this community helped me a lot with that... my song still aren't all that amazing, but so much better then when I first came here! :-)
plus one word lines need much building to it, and the need to pay off...

[deathrow911]

ok thanks dudes just this was my 1st one i wrote, and i have been writing for like 2 yrs now and i have apoem published and everything..... thanks for the comments and all that though

[xsxarexsoxscene]

i actually liked the first stanza. and then after that i disliked it very much. sorry.

[deathrow911]

Truely a person who can look at their own poem and accualy agree it is bad and needs help is on a way to being a good poety. Kaylee i know your going to hate that im on your account and going onto your poem you didnt want me to read i still think your doing good and i still love you baby!

Ben