Dora the Explorah is my Muse.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

-written for a friend, not my best but passionate i hope-


Your insecurities are my standards
I'm not just gonna stay in Hamburg (my town)
I'm gonna do something with my life
and erase my name from the record books
of criminal records blazing in the lot across
from a broken down palace of strife

"Well look at you, best you'll get is ten dollars
for a hard-working hour
so take that to the bank, baby.
Look at you and your paltry piece of paper
that doesn't quite spell out graduation"
so take those words and lay them to sleep
on the bathroom floor with your dinner and your dignity

I've got direction; one way street signs tell me 'don't look back
whatever you do; you know hatred's a concentrical path'
So i'll just dance my way through an erratic journey
and go wherever life may lead me
cause i know anywhere is better than
a sterile, close-minded hospital bed

"Well look at you, best you'll get is ten dollars
for a hard-working hour
so take that to the bank, baby.
Look at you and your paltry piece of paper
that doesn't quite spell out graduation"
so take those words and lay them to sleep
on the bathroom floor with your dinner and your dignity

Listen up - we'll take our masks and throw away their censures
you're not a barometer to take their pressures
and i'm tired of taking temperatures
and aiding to the ill of mind and ease

Let's run away (i don't care where)
Let's run away (i don't care where)

[CellarGhosts]

I liked this.

I thought it flowed very well, had interesting lines, and structure, etc. My only real complaint is the title haha...it's just...yeah haha. I think you get what I mean.

Good job overall.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

I liked this.

I thought it flowed very well, had interesting lines, and structure, etc. My only real complaint is the title haha...it's just...yeah haha. I think you get what I mean.

Good job overall.
lol thank you.

the title is actually relevant hahaha.

my friend's name is maura, which somehow resulted in us calling her maura-dora. my nickname for her is Dora the Explorah.

I'm odd; I realize.

[as_we_learn]

Yes this has a good flow. Lines are nice as well. The title is the only thing that I hate as well. My favorite line is:

So i'll just dance my way through an erratic journey
and go wherever life may lead me
cause i know anywhere is better than
a sterile, close-minded hospital bed

[CellarGhosts]

lol thank you.

the title is actually relevant hahaha.

my friend's name is maura, which somehow resulted in us calling her maura-dora. my nickname for her is Dora the Explorah.

I'm odd; I realize.
Haha, I see, I see. Okay, well if that's the case, then the title is fine with me. I use odd, humorous, and (slightly) impersonal song titles quite a bit, so I just assumed that that was what you were going for here with the title.

Still, good job on this again. Keep at it.

[missmatilde]

I agree with JR about fav part, and this does have a nice flow! :-)

[xsxarexsoxscene]

Yes this has a good flow. Lines are nice as well. The title is the only thing that I hate as well. My favorite line is:

So i'll just dance my way through an erratic journey
and go wherever life may lead me
cause i know anywhere is better than
a sterile, close-minded hospital bed

wow really? those were the lines i was iffy about! thanks :)

[xsxarexsoxscene]

I agree with JR about fav part, and this does have a nice flow! :-)
thanks :)

[CellarGhosts]

Sure thing.

[TokyoCity]

Listen up - we'll take our masks and throw away their censures
you're not a barometer to take their pressures
and i'm tired of taking temperatures
and aiding to the ill of mind and ease

I thought this was really well done, especially this part.

[CellarGhosts]

Yeah, if I was to pick a favorite part, it'd be this one:

Look at you and your paltry piece of paper
that doesn't quite spell out graduation"
so take those words and lay them to sleep
on the bathroom floor with your dinner and your dignity

...for some reason I just really liked that bit.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

Yeah, if I was to pick a favorite part, it'd be this one:

Look at you and your paltry piece of paper
that doesn't quite spell out graduation"
so take those words and lay them to sleep
on the bathroom floor with your dinner and your dignity

...for some reason I just really liked that bit.


thanks, that was my favorite part too :)

[xsxarexsoxscene]

I thought this was really well done, especially this part.

thank you very much :) i didn't want the piece to be cliche so i tried to play with it a little bit :)

[Period Piece]

Really well done with a really excellent flow, I really liked:

I've got direction; one way street signs tell me 'don't look back
whatever you do; you know hatred's a concentrical path'

Your choice of vocabulary was also really good, great job!

[villevalo1666]

Yeah, if I was to pick a favorite part, it'd be this one:

Look at you and your paltry piece of paper
that doesn't quite spell out graduation"
so take those words and lay them to sleep
on the bathroom floor with your dinner and your dignity

...for some reason I just really liked that bit.


hey its Chris!!!

what's up dude?

-----------------------------

i really liked this piece, the title included.

awesome skillz!

*wink*

[CellarGhosts]

thanks, that was my favorite part too :)
Sure thing

hey its Chris!!!

what's up dude?

-----------------------------

i really liked this piece, the title included.

awesome skillz!

*wink*
Haha, hey hey. Not much here, really...been writing alot of course
I'll talk to ya later, through a wall comment or something haha

later

[thecurerocks182]

i don't know what to say about this that has not been already said. I found it to be a well articulated piece, however. I found the ending to be not as memorable as the rest of the piece, as it seems you are rhyming for the sake of rhyming. Also, your use of concentrical seems to offset the flow of the piece, but that is my opinion. Anways, keep it up.

PS - check out my lyrics if you ever get the chance.

[xsxarexsoxscene]

Really well done with a really excellent flow, I really liked:

I've got direction; one way street signs tell me 'don't look back
whatever you do; you know hatred's a concentrical path'

Your choice of vocabulary was also really good, great job!

thank you very much :) i used to struggle a lot with finding the right vocabulary, buts its starting to come easier! im glad someone noticed :)

[xsxarexsoxscene]

i don't know what to say about this that has not been already said. I found it to be a well articulated piece, however. I found the ending to be not as memorable as the rest of the piece, as it seems you are rhyming for the sake of rhyming. Also, your use of concentrical seems to offset the flow of the piece, but that is my opinion. Anways, keep it up.

PS - check out my lyrics if you ever get the chance.

Thank you very much.

i really wasn't trying to rhyme for the sake of rhyming...

the illness and vomiting thing kind of went together because the one person arguing is the teenager who puts up a facade of happiness while sinking into depression because they don't feel good enough but still have a hope for the future; the person she are arguing against is bulimic and didn't do anything with her life either, so the lecture is extremely hypocritical.

true story, but hard to convey without giving too many personal details - its a hard situation to get across.

haha i was going to use 'circular' but i really didn't like it. and i wrote a melody and such to this song, and concentrical actually fit in well, but thank you :)

i was actually working my way down the list of lyrics earlier and was planning on getting to yours right now :)

thanks again!

[xsxarexsoxscene]

hey its Chris!!!

what's up dude?

-----------------------------

i really liked this piece, the title included.

awesome skillz!

*wink*



thank you :)